pounding the KEYBOARD

A VERY SHORT REVIEW OF "PINOY KOMIKS REBYU"

2009-12-21T00:19:00.000-08:00

"Komiks? Meron pa ba niyan?"
--Ruben R. Marcelino, former Komiks Writer

Last Friday, 18th of December, me, KC Cordero, Randy Valiente and Ronald Tabuzo met in Quezon City. Randy, finally, was able to hand me the complimentary copy of his Pinoy Komiks Rebyu. If you love local comics, (especially the ones created by GASI and Atlas eons ago) and its artists, you’re going to love Pinoy Komiks Rebyu. It is very informative and very entertaining. Interesting interviews with writers Ofelia Concepcion and Ruben Marcelino can be read in its first issue. Randy publishes it with Fermin Salvador, another former komiks writer back when GASI and Atlas still rule the local comics world.

Its roster of contributing writers includes me, KC, Arman Francisco and Jose Mari Lee. You can find copies of the magazine at the following outlets: branches of Comics Odyssey, Popular Bookstore in Tomas Morato, QC. Nameless Shop and Monkeyman, both in Recto, Manila (near Sogo Hotel, Randy’s favorite place. He he.)

From our meeting place, we went to a nearby bar where, over bottles of beer, we had intelligent and passionate discussions about local comics, life, arts, science, religion and politics. We were joined there by Rommel “Omeng" Estanislao (creator of Lipad comics) and photographer Pol Del Rosario. There was a heated debate whether Obama deserved the Nobel Peace Prize or if the world would really end in 2012. Different, smart theories and beliefs on how the earth would end were presented. It was indeed a very enlightening night for us; even Stephen Hawking would have been delighted to join us that night. The bar where we were, definitely, wasn't a black hole. Essential nuggets of wisdom flew every second.

Below is a pair of pictures taken with my CP. Upper photo shows (from left) Randy, Ronald, Ron, Omeng and KC. Ronald shot the other photo.

Okay, I confess, there really were no intelligent conversations that happened between us that night, we did nothing but sort of horse around, trade jokes, and talk with the pretty but scantily-clad singers and waitresses around and drink (moderately, of course) and be merry that night.

A DAY AT THE RACES WITH A SUPERHORSE NAMED DON ENRICO

2009-12-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, December 6, my brother, a brother-in-law and a cousin, for want of better things to do, dragged me to Carmona, Cavite, the home of San Lazaro Leisure Club, the foremost racetrack in the Philippines today. The racetrack had been there for many years now but it was only our third time to the place. We arrived at around one thirty in the afternoon and quickly found out that the food there remained priced exorbitantly. The club was packed with not only the racing program-wielding kareristas but also with their families (their wives and their small children).

It was the day of Presidential Gold Cup, the biggest and most prestigious event in Philippine horseracing—the prize money for the winner was a whopping two and a half millions pesos, and one of the horses running in that event was owned by the boss of my brother-in-law.

The Presidential Gold Cup ran at around five in the afternoon and was won by a superhorse named Don Enrico, the favorite horse in the race, beating another superhorse named Ibarra. My bayaw’s bossing’s horse, unfortunately, didn’t really figure in the monumental race.

The incumbent president usually graced the said event but last Sunday, not one representative from the First Family was there to honor the affair.

Aside from the Gold Cup event, we were able to watch six other exciting races—one of the jockeys in the fifth race was unseated and had to be carried on a stretcher. As usual, it was fun to watch thoroughbred horses trying to outspeed and outlast each other down to the payoff wire. A horse named Malihim won the sixth race and it was a real longshot, meaning only few bet on it—nailihim ng kabayo ang galing niya.

After seven races, we got out of the club, jokingly contemplated transferring to a nearby casino, went to our car, drove out of Carmona, hungrily ate at a restaurant then went back to Manila bringing home a few pasalubongs which included a bottle of duhat wine.

Below are some of the pictures (a panoramic view of the racetrack, the drum and lyre band that helped give the event a fiesta atmosphere, the winning horse Don Enrico and its winning rider, class A jockey FM Raquel Jr. accepting his trophy) I’ve taken with my cell phone inside the racing club.

CRIMINALSPOTTING

2009-12-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

Last week, an LBC delivery man knocked on our door, bringing me a magazine and a comic book. Since LBC men are famous (or infamous) for their spelling wizardry (they even made a TV commercial showcasing this skill), I put the delivery man to test. “Spell hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia,” I challenged him.

He smiled condescendingly, “It’s easy, it’s spelled L-B-C,” and off he flew on his motorcycle.

The magazine he brought me was ASAP! a magazine solely, I think, distributed in England. I wrote a few articles in its first few issues while the comic book was KC Cordero’s Comicspotting, which contained fours stories, three of them illustrated and one in prose.

All four stories are very good but my favorite is Kriminal!, a story of a delinquent who after being mishandled by a petty thief cunningly provoked two crooked cops into avenging him—cruelly and unintentionally.

It is one of those stories I wish I had written myself.

PACQUIAO, TINIRIS SI COTTO

2009-11-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

"Manny picked a wrong man to fight for a
seventh wold championship..."
---Miguel Cotto

Manny Pacquiao keeps enthralling not only the Filipino people but also the whole world. Who would’ve thought that this pugilist who began fighting at 106 lbs more than a decade ago would grab a welterweigth (141-147 lbs) title in style?

Yesterday, he demolished Miguel Cotto—said to be one of the finest welterweight fighters to grace the sport—in an awe-inspiring fashion that made his fellow Pinoys breathless and proud.

At the packed moviehouse where we watched the thoroughly exciting –at least up to the eight round; Cotto did nothing but run and backpedal at the later rounds—fight, the audience would scream and shriek with delight with every landed Pacquiao punch while there’d always be a collective nervous gasp whenever Cotto would connect.

We arrived at the mall at nine in the morning and the fight ended at past two in the afternoon (the supporting bouts were quite good, too)and we only had our lunch by then but it was alright, the fight was certainly a great appetizer.

And oh, the round girl inside the theater was hot.

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

2009-11-13T11:46:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t able to attend the Komikon last month that was held in SM Mega Mall, which resulted in me not getting my complimentary copy of my friend Randy Valiente's Pinoy Komiks Rebyu where I wrote a little article. I also failed to buy some comics/books which I was intending to feature/review here in my blog.

We were planning to attend the said occasion but a series of unfortunate events derailed it.

I’ll probably just hunt those materials someplace else.

Much to my chagrin, a few more unfortunate events occurred, some of them had catastrophic effects that would be felt not just by me but by the whole nation.

Two weeks ago, my computer monitor broke down. When I turned it on that fateful morning, it emitted an ear-piercing sound like it was going to explode so I jumped out of the window. Luckily, it didn’t blow up. It was my emaciated wallet which blasted when I bought a replacement—a Samsung LCD.

A few days after that and it was our stereo/DVD player’s turn to collapse. We put out our reserve DVD player and after two days, it also bade us goodbye.

Someone told me that probably, a spirit that hated electronics was temporarily residing in our house.

Three weeks ago, ousted President Joseph Estrada declared his intention to run again as president. This convicted plunderer—his battery of expensive lawyers all failed to challenge the tons of incriminating evidence presented in court— thinks that he has a chance of winning the presidency again because he is dreaming that on election day, the majority of Filipino voters would all be high on drugs and would have hallucinations of him as a present day Messiah.

Lahat ng magnanakaw sa gobyerno, ipakukulong ko dahil doon talaga ang lugar nila, he allegedly promised in his speech that day, which makes you wonder why he’s out in the streets, making slurred speeches.

A few days after that sorry incident, another politician with delusions of grandeur, Chiz Escudero, made news by bolting out his political party and taking himself seriously as a presidentiable. This man, who speaks like he is always reciting the Panatang Makabayan, thinks that he has a vey big chance of winning because most Filipinos’ brains had been addled by eating too much instant noodles.

A month ago, one of the funniest Filipino humor blogs, Hay! Men! Ang Blog Ng Mga Tunay Na Lalake, a blog that guided its followers how to spot real men and those who belonged to BB. Gandanghari’s tribe in truly hilarious ways bade the blogosphere goodbye.

And last week, I bought in Las Veg—err, SM, tickets for the Pacquiao-Cotto megafight. I hope that it wouldn’t turn to be another unfortunate event and Pacquiao would beat the hell out of Cotto.

Sabi nga ni Nanay Dionisia, Segi, Mane, teresen mu ‘yang se Kutu!

ONDOY'S WRATH

2009-10-01T01:11:00.000-07:00

For few days now, my sister had been trying to empty our closet and it really wasn’t hard to do since we really didn’t have many clothes (the last time I bought a new shirt was, ahmm, wait... Fidel V. Ramos was still president). My sister was looking for clothes to donate to Typhoon Ondoy’s victims.

They say it was a flood of biblical proportion, it’s just that Noah or his ark was missing. Our place in Manila wasn’t really affected—thank God— but that fateful Saturday, the cell phones in the house wouldn’t stop beeping and ringing. Some friends and relatives were asking for help because the flood was threatening to sweep them to kingdom come and since nobody in the house could fly, we weren't really of help.

“Every one who can afford to give must give,” my ever charitable sister said as she was taking a peek at my empty wallet. And I wholeheartedly agree with her. “Give” is the word these days and everyone should spread it. And it is heartening to know that a lot of Pinoys know that word.

This national debacle spawned many important and heart-tugging questions. Is the present government inept in confronting the crisis? Did Congressman Mikey Arroyo, the president’s son with the skyrocketing SALN really buy liquors at the height of Ondoy's onslaught? Did Richard Gutierrez really rescue Cristine Reyes or was it just a promotional gimmick for their movie? Did he really bypass some kids who needed help and his speedboat on his way to Cristine? Should we really blame Bayani Fernando for the destructive flood? Did Jacque Bermejo really say those hurtful things on Facebook?

Is there a message in what happened? Is it a punishment or a warning, a wake-up call?

Nobody knows, for sure.

But one thing has again been proven. Filipinos would always be resilient to any crisis. Watch TV and you’d see lots of them still smiling and waving while they’re submerged neck deep whenever a TV Camera is focused on them.

We're such a happy race.

SAVE YOURSELF; LEARN THIS SONG

2009-09-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

I was up to my neck in work lately and I wasn’t planning to update this blog site when I stumbled upon this tragic news on the internet.

In that senseless tragedy, a man was killed because he didn’t know the Korean song “Nobody.” Witnesses said that one of the four suspects was singing “Nobody” (by Wonder Girls) when the victim approached him and asked naively, “Pare, ano ‘yang kinakanta mo?”

I asked a friend to tell me more about the news and he said that according to the newspaper he read, the suspects first thought that the victim was just joking but they were all aghast, one of them even trembled, when they realized that the victim didn’t really know the song.

What kind of a man is this? the suspects murmured to themselves. The suspects probably thought that since the victim didn’t know the song, he didn’t deserve to live.

My friend added that every Filipino who heard about the news was appalled, not with the brutal killing but the victim’s ignorance about the song.

Okay, my friend didn’t have the flair and the accuracy of Mike Enriquez when it comes to news reporting but this song really was extremely popular that just a few days ago, a senator made a privilege speech imploring his fellow senators to pass a law urging students (from kindergarten to those taking up doctorates) to sing this song after the flag ceremony. The four suspects were reportedly being asked to teach the students how to sing (and dance) the song properly.

It's high time we create a really useful law, the senator emotionally ended his speech.

And I agree with him.

I don't dance and yet, like the guy below, I know the moves to this song.

A CHARMING LITTLE FILM FOR KIDS

2009-08-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

“Ponyo loves Sosuke!”

Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea is a 2008 Japanese animated film written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki (world-famous for his magnificent animations like Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totoro and Princess Mononoke) and is certainly one of the sweetest animated films you’ll ever see.

Ponyo is a fish who yearns to be human while Sosuke is a five year old boy who rescued her when she tried to swim ashore and got caught inside a jar. Ponyo licks the blood off Sosuke’s little wound and it helps her turn into a little girl. Unfortunately, her sorcerer father tracks her down and brings her back to the sea.

The scene where Ponyo is reunited with Sosuke is priceless. She jumps off a big fish, stares at him with wide, excited eyes, unmindful of everything around her including a raging storm, while he is stupefied, she runs to him, leaps towards him and embraces him tightly.

You’ll thank whoever invented cinema for that scene.

There are no villains in this film (actually, there are no villains in most of Miyazaki’s films), there are no people scheming against each other, hurting each other, no gluttonous government officials obsessed with expensive meals, no second-rate film director stealing an award he doesn’t deserve, no arrogant TV host who hates funerals , just a cute little fish/girl, a caring young boy and the sea.

Do your kids a favor, let them watch this beautiful film.

And oh, watch the Japanese (with subtitles, of course), not the English-dubbed version, for purity’s sake.

CARLO J. CAPARAS, THE NATIONAL ARTIST AWARD AND AN OVERPASS

2009-08-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

Many months ago, I was having an animated conversation with a friend when our topic shifted to Carlo J. Caparas (who at that time was a recent recipient of an award; I forgot what award).

Let’s call my friend Totoy Buto (he’s quite thin) and this is how our historic conversation went:

Totoy: Na-meet mo ba si Carlo J no’ng nagsusulat ka pa sa komiks, pre?
Me: Hindi, hindi na yata siya nagsusulat no’n. Busy na siya sa movies.
Totoy: Pansin ko lang, parang panay ang tanggap niya ng award ngayon.
Me: A, oo, mula nang maupo si GMA, parang naging award magnet na siya.
Totoy: May ibig kang sabihin?
Me: Wala.
Totoy: Tingin mo ba, deserving siya sa mga awards niya?
Me: Hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam kung ano mga criteria do’n.
Totoy: Parang malakas siya ke GMA, ‘no?
Me: Mukha.
Totoy: Papasok siguro sa pulitika ‘yan, solid nga naman ang magiging credentials mo kung marami kang awards.
Me: Puwede.

Totoy: Sabagay, mga minor awards lang naman ‘yon. Magiging kasindak-sindak siguro kung mananalo siya bilang national artist.
Me: Hindi imposible ‘yan.
Totoy: Pare naman, si Carlo J, mananalong National Artist? Sa anong kategorya? Sa films?
Me: Malay mo?
Totoy: Napanood mo ba ‘yong mga pelikula niya?
Me: ‘Yong iba.
Totoy: Ano tingin mo?
Me: Alang kuwenta.
Totoy: That’s actually my point, bro.
(I glance at Totoy, somehow stunned with his English)
Totoy: Hindi siya mananalo ng National Artist award dahil sa mga pelikula niya.
Me: Sa komiks.
Totoy: Pare naman, wala namang National Artist for Comics.
Me: Gagawa ‘yong gobyerno.
(Totoy Buto snickers)
Me: Ang punto ko, e, wala namang imposible sa gobyernong ito.
Totoy: Kungsabagay (falls into deep thoughts) pero iba ‘yong national artist, pre, bigyan naman nila ng respeto ‘yong award. May delicadeza naman siguro sila kahit kaunti. Hindi magiging national artist 'yang si Carlo J. Puwera na lang kung bigla siyang gagawa ng mga de-kalidad na pelikula, ‘yong bang parang Godfather.
Me: Ano gagawin mo ‘pag nanalo siyang national artist?
Totoy: Tatalon ako mula sa isang overpass at bago ako tumalon, sisiguruhin ko muna na may parating na dalawang humahagibis na ten wheeler.

Few days ago, it was announced that Carlo J. Caparas was named National Artist for Visual Arts and Film. He couldn’t possibly have clinched the award for his comics works (most of it were very good, actually) since he didn’t illustrate those novels so it was probably safe to say that he got the award for his films.

And it truly boggles the mind.

His films aren’t the type you can call great. Okay, I’ll be succinct, his movies are mostly garbage. Most of his films unfailingly induce severe headache. I challenge you to watch and finish The Lilian Velez Story (Till Death Do Us Part) or The Lipa Arandia Massacre(Lord Deliver Us From Evil) or The Maggie Dela Riva Story (God…Why Me?) or The Vizconde Massacre Story(God Help Us!) or The Cecilia Masagca Story: Antipolo Massacre(Jesus Saves Us!)—notice how God was a requisite in most of his subtitles? The Bible teaches us not to use God’s name in vain and all these films were in vain—and see if, afterwards, you won’t cry for a dozen paracetamols.

His films didn’t contribute in the development of Filipino films, what it did attempt was to make it stagnate. And this government is rewarding him with a National Artist award for that. And hey, don’t forget that he also made a laughable film about the life of my favorite hero, Gregorio Del Pilar.

Totoy is still in the proccess of choosing his overpass.

Lord Jesus Christ, save him.

ROBIN PADILLA'S TOTOY BATO IS STONED

2009-07-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

Totoy Bato is one of my favorite Carlo J Caparas comics characters.

I only managed to read few parts of the novels ( it was hard to find a copy until now) but I watched its movie versions which starred FPJ. I remember watching it as a kid in a seedy moviehouse (which showed two old films at a price of one) near our house where intermittent shouts of Balut! and Yosi! interrupted your pleasurable viewing experience. Yes, balut and cigarette vendors were allowed inside that movie house. My mother wanted to kill me when she learned that I entered that moviehouse. “’Buti’t ‘di kayo nabiktima ng gumagalang mga bakla ro’n!” she scolded me.

When I heard that Robin Padilla was going to play Totoy Bato in TV, I vowed that I’d be watching it. I have always been a fan of boxing and anything related to it. And i have always liked Robin as an actor. But something disappointing happened on my way to watching its first few episodes, the other persons in our house preferred watching DVDs at night. And in our house, majority always wins. Dahil hindi ko na naumpisahan, tinamad na ‘kong panoorin ang Totoy Bato.

In its last few days, I’d overhear some tambays in our place talking about it. “Pare, grabe naman ‘yong Totoy Bato, basura! Iniinsulto ‘yong katalinuhan nating mga manonood!” I heard a pedicab driver with an astonishing IQ of negative 8 declaring.

“Oo nga, ginagawa tayong mga bobo!” another Mensa-candidate tambay concurred.

My curiousity got piqued so one day, when I had lots of free time (which was always the case), I searched Robin Padilla’s Totoy Bato in the Internet and discovered that people really were ridiculing and mocking this TV show for the bizarre and weird turns its story took, others were already discrediting it as the worst teleserye ever created.

Totoy Bato, a character in a teleserye which was supposed to be about boxing, was everything but a boxer, they said. Totoy was a farmer, a rebel, he was a modern Jesus Christ (like Jesus, he died and was resurrected), he was Brad Pitt’s Achilles, he was Denzel Washington’s John Q, he was Bruce Willis’ Unbreakable and he had an encounter with the stone where King Arthur pulled his legendary Excalibur sword. Yes, Totoy Bato allegedly shamelessly ripped all these films off. In YouTube, you can find Totoy Bato clips wherein Robin is totally ripping John Q off (talagang tinagalog lang niya ang mga dialogue ni Denzel Washington sa pelikula). It reminded me of a Robin Padilla film, Mistah, kung saan tinagalog naman niya ang mga dialogue ni Marlon Brando sa pelikulang Apocalypse Now.

This just cemented the fact that Philippine tv and movie industry love to rip off Hollywood/foreign movies and TV shows. But instead of improving it, they'd often make it laughable.

Few days ago, while I was reading the newspaper, looking for news about PGMA’s boob job, I stumbled upon this showbiz article wherein the headwriter of Totoy Bato was bashing Robin Padilla and the show. The following is an excerpt from the article:

"Truth be told, TB (Totoy Bato) is a a very frustrating show for me. Sa scripts namin, only wk 1, 2, 3, 4 and wk 6 ang nagawa nang buong-buo na di pinakialaman. The rest were all Robin's. Siya din ang nagsusulat, nagdidirek, nag-e-e-dit, nasusunod sa lahat. We have scripts pero 10 percent lang ang sinusunod niya. 90 percent were his. So most of the time, pag nanonood ako, di ko alam ang nangyayari sa kwento, pati scenes, di ko kilala (maski production, walang magawa dahil alam nilang magwawala si RP(Robin Padilla) pag di siya sinunod). Kaya di ko alam ang ending tonight. Hindi namin alam lahat! Si RP lang ang nakaka-alam and his own crew (yes, may sarili siyang crew: may sarili siyang director na di ko alam kung saan niya napulot, cameraman etc--no, hindi sila part o empleyado ng gma) Kaya pag grainy ang napapanood nyo, at pabago-bago ang volume, at madilim: in short, parang high school production, sila gumawa nun. Oo, TB ang first indie soap hahahaha. Indie ganda!).

Management cannot do anything also dahil palaging nagbabanta itong magwa-walk out sa show pag di siya sinunod. I can understand them, nakontrol ni Robin ang kwento in such a way, na pag mawala siya, di na tatayo ang show. In fairness, mautak siya.This, i am promising to myself: I will not work with him anymore. I hope my station will not get his services anymore. Isa siyang megalomaniac actor. Gusto niya siya lang ang bida. Gusto niya siya lang ang magaling. Hence, ang isang soap, na sa tingin ko, ay maganda nung simula, pagdating sa gitna hanggang dulo, ang pangit-pangit-pangit na!"

This is probably the first time where a headwriter can be read badmouthing her own show and its stars. When I was still moonlighting as a writer in ABS-CBN, I had the chance to meet with Robin and he struck me as someone who had utmost respect for the writers. We were in the process of creating an action teleserye for him then, our creative team, after months of whacking our brains brainstorming, was ready to start writing the scripts when, shockingly, we heard the news that he’d be moving to GMA 7 to do a movie and a teleserye. Our own teleserye went pfft and I went back to doing laundry and construction works for a living.

Dinurog ni Robin Padilla si Totoy Bato.

GOD'S WONDERFUL CREATIONS (ONE WAS ALWAYS IN HEAT)

2009-07-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

"What will you get if you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
"A bullshiht!"

The movie Marley & Me reminded me of my former pet dogs namely Egan, Floyd, Bono and Relic. It is a film about a young couple and their pet dog, an oddly stubborn and troublesome but lovable Labrador retriever named Marley, who is called the world’s worst dog. Marley doesn’t just play or destroy things but eats them. Sofa, carpets, jewelries, tables, bedsheets, computer printer, answering machine, name it and he will eat it.

My first dog, Egan, was already old when I got him. After a few years of being with me, he started showing signs of Alzheimer’s disease. There were times then when I’d talk to him and he’d only stare at me blankly like trying to remember who I was. Sometimes he wouldn’t bark all day and would just read the newspaper which always led me to think that he’d probably temporarily forgotten that he’s a dog.

One day, he didn’t wake up anymore.

Floyd came next. He’s half-German Shepherd, half-Hayden Kh-, okay, he’s just an askal. All my dogs were, we just couldn’t afford dogs with breeding, the types that use spoon when they eat, so we’re stuck with askals. And askals are not really known for their intelligence.

Floyd was one horny dog. He was always in heat. Everyday, even when the sun’s still not up, he’d scoot to a neighbor’s house where a gorgeous bitch was holed up and he’d stay there and they’d make love all day. That lucky SOB. I had to literally drag Floyd away from that bitch everyday just to get him home. I would always remind him of the risks of unsafe sex and the troubles of unplanned pregnancy it would bring him and his bitch but he just wouldn’t listen. When I would chain him near our house's gate, he’d hump, while his tongue rolled in and out of his mouth, every human leg that would get near him.

Let him f—k all those bitches all day everyday! my envious older male friends (who are all girlfriend-less) would tell me then. Let that pervert get AIDS!

Fortunately, Floyd didn’t die of AIDS or of some STD, I was forced to give him away because he was setting a bad example in the neighborhood. All the dogs in our place were getting promiscuous. Sex is overrated, sex isn’t everything, I would always tell Floyd. But he just wouldn't listen. Gimme my bitch, he'd bark.

My third dog was Bono, the nicest, the cutest, the most charming dog I’ ve ever had. He was given to me when he still was a puppy. I named him after Bono of Irish rock band U2. He loved everybody. Play with him and he would dance (or so we thought) and waggle his tail for you and lick whatever part of your body was near his tongue. If only he could sing, then, he'd be a total entertainer.

He was stricken with a strange illness just as we were preparing to celebrate his second birthday. I don’t cry whenever I and a girlfriend would break up but I did cry when Bono died. I was already crying while I was taking him to the vet that fateful day.

Bono was able to convince me that dogs are truly one of God’s most wonderful creations.

The last dog I had was Relic and he was certainly the stupidest and the fiercest dog I’ve owned. A cousin picked him up when he still was a puppy at a cemetery, thus, the name I gave him. Relics was also the name of a Pink Floyd album. Relic sort of resembled Marley. Both dogs would chew anything, Relic respected no one except us who lived with him in the house. He would run after everyone who made the mistake of entering our house. He would run after my cousins, my uncles and other relatives and friends who made the mistake of entering our house and would try to really bite them. They would run inside the bathroom and hide or jump on top of a table or climbed on top of the refrigerator just to avoid him.

Get rid of that dog! they would castigate me. That dog is evil! That dog is insane, can’t you see! He would kill us all!

But Relics stayed with us. I was hoping he’d change. The dog certainly wasn’t crazy. There were times when he’d be gentle and play with me and would get cozy with me. But most of the times, he was fierce. He never was in heat but he was always angry and was eager to bite. I brought him to an anger-management class but he bit the instructor. Relic was unstoppable in his biting spree so I had no choice but to chain him. I would always end up footing the medical bills of the kids (he’d bitten at least three) kids whose only crime was to walk near our house when he broke free from his chains. Everytime Relic would break free, a stampede would ensue in our neighborhood.

The last straw was when I once made the mistake of adjusting his food tray while he was eating and the son of the world’s sluttiest bitch bit me on the hand. It enraged me. I punched the idiot’s head with my bloody hand. It retaliated by trying to bite me again. I was ready to rumble with that a—hole of a dog when my cousins got hold of me. I thought I had the upperhand at that time because that mad, rabid dog was chained to a post.

After that, I let an uncle take him away. He told me he’d bring Relic into his farm. “He’d chase nasty rats there," my uncle informed me.

“Don’t believe him,” a cousin told me. “Relic would most likely just end up as a pulutan.

But at that time, I couldn’t care less. My hand was still bleeding.

I stopped having dogs as pet after Relic. That son of the earth’s dumbest bitch traumatized me.

Until few weeks ago, two cousins of mine each bought a chihuahua. I started getting envious. I want a dog in our house again. But I don’t like a chihuahua, I don’t want a dog who’s always in danger of being stepped on. I want one who is more fierce, one who won’t hesitate to rip the necks of thieves who would dare enter our house.

I want a poodle.

Puwede ko pang ayusan ng balahibo at bihisan.

THE KING IS DEAD: MICHAEL JACKSON (1958-2009)

2009-06-27T00:36:00.000-07:00

I was hibernating under a huge rock in a mountain when I was jolted by the news that the king of pop, Michael Jackson, succumbed to cardiac arrest.

The whole world is now mourning.

I am really not a huge fan but everytime he'd be on TV, when he was still alive, I'd stop whatever I was doing and watch him. He, with his soft voice, shy demeanor and wild and crazy antics, was always amusing in his interviews.

And he was mesmerizing whenever he performed. You can't help but be vastly entertained by him.

He was a first class entertainer--methinks he was the best dancer in the world-- and a genuine music icon, not unlike Elvis Presley and John Lennon. His album, Thriller, continues to be the best-selling album of all time.

And I still think that his moonwalk, alongside television and cell phone, is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

(BLEEP) YOU!

2009-06-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

Damien Rice is a very good singer/songwriter. Why? Because almost all his songs will unfailingly depress you and push you to the brink of utter helplessness. Don’t listen to any of his songs while you’re drunk and heartbroken because it will break your heart more. You will be very lonely that the idea of you hanging from a ceiling with a rope tightly wound around your neck will start to look titillating.

This song, Rootless Tree, is one of my favorite Damien Rice songs. You can sing it in a videoke bar and you can dedicate it to an ex-wife who left you for a lesbian, or to an ex-girlfriend who dumped you to marry a rich seventy eight year old man who’s starting to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease, to that girl who chose a married drug addict over you, to Hayden Kho for being in that videos instead of you, to the politicians who continue to screw the nation, to your neighbor who spreads rumors that you eat dog food with ketchup, to Globe and Smart for stealing your prepaid cell phone load and making it vanish even though you haven’t used it all up, to the editors who give contradicting and stupid comments on your works, to your boss who always finds fault in everything you do, who criticizes even the way you snore while sleeping at your office desk, to all parents who abuse their kids, to those corrupt and criminal cops, to that SOB who e-mailed you a virus and to that rat who chewed on your brand new expensive shirt.

But seriously, I know of someone who cried when he first heard this song, really, no kidding, he was able to really relate to the song then.

A PINOY SUPERHERO CALLED 'KASTIGO'

2009-06-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

I was rearranging the books in my shelf when I stumbled upon this Lan Medina illustration sandwiched between two books (1,000 Street Foods You Must Eat Before You Die and How To Treat Women With Respect (While Secretly Videotaping Them) by former MD Hayden Kho). It turned out to be an ad for a komiks novel I was supposed to write for Super Fantasy Komiks. The main character, Kastigo, a mysteriously dark, ultra-violent but funny superhero, was a creation by Ronald Estacio (then editor of Super Fantasy) but the villains, we discussed and brainstomed. Lan Medina was picked to illustrate it. Mr. Estacio had grand plans for Kastigo, it would have its own komiks entitled Kastigo (it would be 30+ pages long) and a small website would be devoted to it.

I’ve already started writing the script when an uprising erupted inside the publishing house. Incidentally, the owners of the company were of Spanish-descent while the writers and the illustrators were true-blooded katipuneros, er, Pinoys. It happened one sizzling afternoon, while post-dated checks as payment for the artists were being handed out, a man (letratista yata sa komiks) suddenly stood on top of a table and grabbed everyone’s attention, I didn’t notice if he had a bolo with him, and cried, “Ibagsak ang mga Kastila! Sobra na ang kanilang pagmamalabis!” He then tore up his cedula, er, his check worth, I think, around 80 pesos (no kidding). The other artists followed suit and tore up their cedulas, er, checks.

Before that incident, the artists had been grumbling about receiving bouncing checks as fee for their works.

And that's what toppled the Spanish regime (at least inside that publishing house) and signalled the start of the complete downfall of the local comics industry.

The publishing house closed shop before Kastigo could even take off the ground.

"A GREAT LEADER, A 'HAYDEN' CAMERA AND A SPELLING EXPERT"

2009-05-21T00:50:00.000-07:00

The Philippines is a great country but it can’t be denied that some strange creatures are inhabiting it. Only in this country where you can find a former president, one who was kicked out his office by the people and who is a convicted plunderer, having the bravado to say, in effect, that he’ll run again for president if no worthwhile candidate, someone who is better than him, will emerge. This convicted thief was reportedly even quoted as saying that, “Ang kailangan ng bansang ito ay isang lider na matapat, hindi nangungupit sa kaban ng bayan, walang bisyo at tapat sa kanyang asawa!”

Hundreds of lightnings allegedly streaked from the skies while he was being quoted but unfortunately, not a single lightning hit the former president. And according to the latest surveys, Mr. Estrada is one of the frontrunners in the race to the presidency in 2010.

It is probably only in the Philippines where a government official/respected celebrity can make several commercials teaching impressionable kids wrong spelling. According to Edu Manzano and his commercials, the correct spelling of the words remittance, affordable and instant is L-B-C.

As a result of this, an elementary student was mauled by his teacher and was rushed to the ICU when the student insisted that the accurate spelling of Instant Noodles was L-B-C N-O-O-D-L-E-S. The mother, who's a fan of Edu Manzano and Ate Vi, agrees to her son’s spelling. “We’ll bring it to the Supreme Court,” the mother was quoted as saying, referring to the spelling confusion. “I’m sure that Edu and my son are correct.”

It is also only in RP where a confessed and notorious womanizer can be seen severely and publicly chastising another womanizer. Senator Bong Revilla recently delivered an angry and impassioned priviledge speech in the senate, rebuking Dr. Hayden Kho, calling the doctor ‘a predator, pervert of the highest kind, baliw and buwang!’ Is something amiss there? Well, the only difference between these two, people say, is that the senator has no sex videos. I have seen (who hasn’t?) the videos of Hidden, er, Hayden Kho (where he secretly filmed his sexual rendezvous with different women including actress Katrina Halili and the oh-so-pretty model Maricar Reyes, and I agree that he is one sick, perverted invidual and deserving, not only to be stripped of his medical license, but to be shot with all the bullets piercing his head.

The lower head, that is.

It would have been better if another senator delivered that speech, like Senator Lito Lapid for instance, who has no reputation of being a womanizer. Senator Lapid’s speech (which certainly would be written with his son Mark Lapid; the senator always prefers to communicate in Tagalog) would probably sound something like this: "Nagdugo ang aking puso nang matunghayan ko ang mga palabas na iyon kung saan walang habas na ipinamalas ng mangagamot na si Hayden Kho ang walang kahulilip na paglapastangan niya sa mga babaing ang tanging kasalanan ay ang mahalin siya at pagtiwalaan! Wala kang puso, Dr. Hayden Kho! Mabuti pa ang saging sa ‘yo dahil ang saging may puso, ikaw, wala!”

Indeed, Dr. Hayden Kho has no heart.

But he certainly has a banana, which, alas, he used in soulless and wicked activities.

FALLING IN AN OPEN MANHOLE AND OTHER WEIRD RANDOM THOUGHTS

2009-05-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

Komikon was held yesterday (May 16) and much as I wanted, I wasn’t able to attend because it coincided with a family occasion.

I was with some relatives and we were trying to a make a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label history when someone in our group threw this intriguing question, “Hey, has anyone of you fallen in love with a married woman?”

I didn’t answer; I wasn’t always wont to talk about my personal things even to my relatives but yes, I had fallen in love with a married woman. Really, no kidding. It happened many years ago, I was still young then and the law of gravity was yet to be discovered then. She was already married when we met but in spite of it, we still became quite close. We would talk almost everyday and would go out once in a while. But I soon realized that what I was feeling then was bad and decided to suppress it. I made that painful decision after that fateful night when I uttered this short prayer, “Dear God, please, let her husband die in an accident. And make his death quick and merciful.”

The next day, I fell in an open manhole after being bumped by a pedicab and almost died.

We have a mysterious caller in our house. It started calling, I think, two months ago. It would make our phone ring three or four times a day almost everyday. No, it’s not an obscene phone caller. Everytime we’d answer it, it wouldn’t speak, it would just listen to our voice saying “Hello? Hello? Is it me you’re looking for? Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do” and would then hang up. Our phone doesn’t have caller ID so we have no idea who it is. But my guess is that it’s a secret admirer of my niece, which she is vehemently protesting, “Stop saying that, Tito Ron, or I will ruin your life!” Why did I make that guess? When I was 13 or 14 years old, I used to do that sort of stuff, I‘d ring the phone of my crush, would pray that she answer the phone, then I’d put the phone down happily without talking.

Few days ago, I downloaded via uTorrent an old decent comedy film. But when I opened the file, a porn film which starred a pretty and voluptous young woman named Alison Angel played instead. The film, to say the least, was revolting, lewd and would make your conservative Aunt exclaim Hesusmaryosep! three hundred twenty two times in fifteen seconds. In one scene, Alison was shown holding a cucumber and a banana but making salad was very far from her mind. I quickly deleted it.

Okay, I didn’t really delete it. I tucked it inside a folder I named Classified, Will Explode When Clicked. I will use it for future research purposes.

Willie Revillame have been flaunting his riches to the people lately, many TV shows and magazines are even documenting his every purchase (multi-million yacth, SUVs, mansion, etc), claiming that he’s being paid almost a million peso daily in his TV show which is a little hard to believe. Why would someone pay this obnoxious fellow that much? Now, a Youtube uploader (you can watch his video here) is saying that Willie’s just a dummy and that a politician (who holds a really high-ranking government position and whose popular nickname rhymes with tambayan) is the real owner of those properties.

I was surfing the blogsites of some of my friends when I stumbled upon this great debate on whether Carlo J. Caparas should be considered a pop icon or not in RandyValiente's blogsite, Carlo J, in my opinion should be considered a pop icon (no, a pop icon is not someone who loves to eat pop corn). But make no mistake about it, Carlo J is somewhat revered because of his komiks novels, not because of the films he created. Forget his films, don’t waste your time searching it in Quiapo or in your favorite torrent sites, they are mostly hideous, especially the ones about massacres. He is probably the Ed Wood of the Philippines. It is said that Sharon Cuneta gets depressed and suicidal everytime someone mentions the film she made with Carlo J. And we all know that the only reason the movie about the Vizconde Massacre made a lot of money was because many people wanted to see Kris Aquino being brutally raped and killed.

But many of Carlo J’s novels are very good. His Matatalim Na Pangil Sa Gubat (which is not about a Filipino congressman hiding in a forest but rather about a giant and ferocious crocodile) changed my life. It made me stop eating crocodiles. The fact that he’s till hogging the limelight at this time when people talk about local comics mostly in past tense is a testament to his durabilty.

And speaking of movies, two nights ago, we watched Heavenly Creatures, one of the earlier films of Peter Jackson, director of Lord of the Rings trilogy. The movie, a true story and which is about two female teen-agers who planned and carried out the murder of the mother of one of them, is very dark, depressing, heavenly and utterly stunning.

Early this morning, I was listening to my Amused To Death CD by Roger Waters. It was released more than fifteen years ago and I probably have listened to it gazillion times but I’m still in love with it. If you love rock music which tackles politics, war and human nature, its flaws and frailties, find this record (via torrents or Limewire), burn it, put it in your stereo, crank up the volume and make your neighbors feel your pain.

We were sipping the last few drops of the black label when someone said that he‘d grow a beard. “It will make you appear deep and mysterious and you’ll look good inside your coffin when you have a beard,” he said.

I vowed to stop shaving starting that day.

PACQUIAO’S JAW-CRUSHING WIN OVER HATTON

2009-05-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

"Pacquiao's gonna run..."
---Floyd Mayweather Sr., Hatton's trainer

After 349, 201, 400 commercials (yes, I counted all of it), greedy GMA 7, the Kabulsa, er, the Kapuso station, in cahoots with Solar Entertainment, finally aired the much awaited Pacquiao-Hatton fight. Pacman handily won the fight. The encounter's billed as The Battle Of East And West but I thought, after hitting the canvas for the third time in just two rounds, Hatton will go straight to the North, that is, the Manila North Cemetery.

The Pacman was once again spectacularly awesome in the fight. Hatton didn’t know where the punches pummeling him were coming. The killer punch that finally sent Hatton to groggy-land was truly devastating. It was probably the left hook of the year. You can get high by just watching it, especially in slo-mo. Hatton’s brain seemed to stop even before that punch could land on his face.

It’s obvious now that Pacquiao is more than ready to meet Mayweather, Jr. Ang sarap siguradong panoorin habang binubugbog ito ni Pacquiao, lalo na kung isasabay ni Pacman ang maangas na tatay nito.

Pacquiao, you know, I mean, ah, has just proven that he truly is the best kilo-for-kilo, er, pound-for-pound boxer today. I mean, ah, you know, he can take on anybody, even Muhammad Ali. Oops, Ali’s long retired, I mean, ah, Pacquiao’s truly one of a kind. Now, you know.

Thanks to the God for Pacquiao.

"Meme na, bunso..."

ONE OF THE BEST VAMPIRE MOVIES YOU'LL EVER SEE

2009-05-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

Oskar: Are you a vampire?

Eli: I live off blood.

Oskar: Are you... dead?

Eli: No. Can't you tell?

I was surfing the net, looking for good movies to watch when I stumbled upon a review of this 2008 Swedish film, Let The Right One In. I instantly got interested with the film because, aside from that glowing review, it was a horror film. A vampire movie, to be specific. I have always been fascinated about vampires. I always try to watch and read movies and books about vampires.

I immediately looked for a copy of the movie and watched it. It didn’t disappoint. It’s one of the best vampire movies I’ve ever watched. It’s definitely a lot better than Twilight (yes, that vampire movie which starred a male vampire whose face was always heavily powdered and whose girlfriend did nothing but gush on his perfectly gorgeous face); I even tried reading the book from which the movie was based but I just couldn’t finish it).

Let The Right One In is about the relationship between Oskar (a 12-year old boy who is lonely and doesn’t have any friend and whose parents have divorced and who’s being cruelly bullied in school) and a 12-year old female vampire named Eli who has been twelve for a very long time. Eli, like Oskar, is lonely and aloof and lives in an apartment which is almost free of any furniture and sleeps in a bathtub covered with thick blanket during daytime. She only comes out at night. Oskar dreams of having his violent revenge against his bullies and Eli will help him achieve it.

The movie is hauntingly beautiful. It is sweet, subtle and gory, gentle and brutal. There are no hysterics or slam-bang or fast-paced action. It is what a vampire movie should be. Quiet and brooding. It will touch and enhance your movie-watching life. Watch it. A Hollywood remake is reportedly already in the works.

And remember, you have to invite Eli in.

A FEW MORE NOTES ABOUT SUICIDE

2009-04-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

One of the most frequented entries in this blogsite is the article I wrote entitled Kurt Cobain, Ernest Hemingway And A Few Notes About Suicide, which is sort of a proof that a lot of people around the world are fascinated with suicide and that they always search the net for information about it.

Sadly, here in the Philippines, almost everyday, a couple of news about people committing suicide are reported on the papers. Just a few weeks ago, a woman jumped in front of the speeding LRT train to the horror of the passengers. Luckily, she survived. The woman said she couldn’t bear life’s hardships anymore and wanted to escape it. And as I was writing this, a great debate on whether a certain woman committed suicide or was murdered was shaking the nation.

Last week, Holy Monday to be exact, some of our neighbors were baffled when a foul place permeated the neighborhood. The Sherlock Holmes in them was awakened and they investigated. It turned out that a 38-year old man who lived in the house immediately adjacent to our house committed suicide by hanging himself. He killed himself Saturday and his body was discovered only on Monday, inside a vacant maid’s room in the basement of the house. His family told the police that they thought the victim was just out looking for a job. The victim, who was single and a loner, had been despondent for being jobless. He didn’t leave a sucide note.

Men are always prone to suicide more than women. But when women do it, they always prefer poisoning themselves or getting overdosed with pills. If there’s no poison or pills around, they would prefer to cross into the afterlife via slashing their wrist. They rarely choose guns because, believe it or not, it will disfigure them. Women, they still want to look good even when they’re inside the coffin. Another reason why women shun gun when killing themselves is that not a lot of them know how to handle guns.

Kapag ang isang babae ay napabalitang nagpakamatay sa pamamagitan ng pagbaril sa sarili nito pero noong nabubuhay pa ito ay hindi humawak ng baril kahit minsan, malamang na hindi ito totoong nagpakamatay, malamang na iba ang kumalabit ng gatilyo para rito.

Men love to send themselves into kingdom via guns and by jumping from the top of tall buildings. Even when committing sucide, men love action and thrills.

A lot of people who killed themselves left suicide notes. Vincent Van Gogh, the world-renowned artist who struggled with depression and insanity all his life, left one addressed to his brother before shooting himself in the chest. Kurt Cobain, famous rock musician, also left a lengthy suicide note, writing, among other things, his sadness on becoming hateful towards all humans in general and about his fears that his daughter “who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.”

He ended the note with a declaration of his love for his wife and daughter.

Majority of suicide notes end with the victims’ declaration of their love to their loved ones, which perplex a lot of people, for if they truly love the people they’d be leaving behind, their loved ones who would definitely grieve over they death, why in the hell would they still commit suicide at all?

Suicide will always be the ultimate act of cowardice.

TWELVE DEATHS AND A RESURRECTION

2009-04-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
-- Jesus, Matthew 11:28

We all know how Jesus died but not everyone ‘s aware of how his original twelve apostles died. Most of them were reportedly martyred while preaching the teachings of Jesus.

PETER: The apostle who denied the Lord was crucified 33-34 years after the death of Jesus. But since he deemed unworthy to be put to death in the same manner as his master, he requested that he be crucified on an x-shaped cross with his head downward.

ANDREW : Crucified, like Peter and his Master. While dying on the cross, he preached to his tormentors for two days until his death.

JAMES, the son of Zebedee: He was put to death by Herod Agrippa I shortly before the day of the Passover, in the year 44 or about 11 years after the death of Christ. (Acts 12: 1-2. )

JOHN: The apostle who wrote the Book of Revelation was the only apostle who was not martyred in his death, having died of natural death.

PHILIP: Cruelly executed.

BARTHOLOMEW: Accounts of this apostle’s death who reportedly preached in Asia vary although many said he was skinned alive and was beheaded.

MATTHEW: He must have lived many years as an apostle, since he was the author of the Gospel of Matthew which was written at least twenty years after the death of Christ. There is reason to believe that he stayed for fifteen years at Jerusalem, after which he went as missionary to the Persians, Parthians and Medes. There is a legend that he died a martyr in Ethiopia from a sword wound.

THOMAS: The apostle who expressed doubt at Jesus’ ressurection is said to have died in India, killed by soldiers armed with spears.

JAMES, son of Alphaeus : He's said to have been stoned to death.

THADDEUS: He was killed and martyred in Beirut around AD65.

SIMON THE ZEALOT: Martyred and killed together with Thaddeus.

JUDAS ISCARIOT: Who doesn’t know the death of this star-crossed apostle? Guilt-stricken, this apostle hanged himself shortly after betraying Jesus.

Lots of people are saying that the fact that almost all the apostles went through hardships, tortures, and mockeries and willingly died preaching about Jesus and His teachings proves that they were fully convinced that Jesus was really resurrected three days after He died on the cross and that they had witnessed Him ascending to heaven. Jesus’ resurrection became their strength and inspiration, it gave them the courage to die for Him.

Kung isa ka raw kasing disipulo ni Hesus at nakita mo na hindi naman pala totoo ang pangako Niya na mabubuhay tatlong araw pagkaraang mamatay, magpapakamatay ka pa raw ba para ikalat ang mga salita Niya at ang sinasabi niya na Anak siya ng Diyos na malamang ay hindi rin totoo?

“THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN GOD, RAISE YOUR HAND AND OPEN YOUR HEART...”

2009-04-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

"Forgive them father, they know not what they do..."

In an internet forum which I frequent, there’s a thread that discusses whether God exists or not. If you’d read the arguments of the atheists there, you’d easily be brainwashed that God doesn’t exist and is just a figment of some people’s vivid imaginations and of those looking for something to cling on to during desperate times. But browse through the messages of the believers, you’d also be convinced in no time that God really exists and that He truly is omnipotent and omnipresent.

Most of the posters there are intellectuals and highly-articulate and have minds that are highly analytical so I rarely join in the discussions. When the people I talk to start quoting Nietzsche and start deliberating on various profound topics like the benefits on your soul of Azoodneim, a process in which you literally scrub your soul to cleanse it, I always get awestruck and tongue-tied and my little brain becomes catatonic, although some of the posters there obviously just copy and paste their messages to impress their readers. The discussions in that thread sometimes get so heated that some of the atheists have exclaimed, “Oh, my God! All believers are idiot!”

I do believe in God although there were very few times that I doubted His existence, but every time I did, I’d be shown something that would make me go back to Him. But how can you believe in something that you can’t see? is the perennial question from the atheists to the theists.

Well, we can’t see God but we can feel Him. We can see His wonderful creations around us.

The earth being perfect definitely didn’t happen by accident no matter what your favorite neighborhood scientist says.

I’m a believer but I don’t regularly go to church. There’s something in priests that sort of peeves me while most religious leaders, especially those who are rich and own big businesses and wear expensive clothes and jewelries and who ride in chauffeured SUVs, who hobnob with the high and mighty and whose children study in exclusive schools while their loyal followers can’t afford to attend even the cheapest of public schools, get on my nerves. Jesus Christ, who preached barefooted and who couldn’t afford to buy bread for some of His followers He had to miraculously produce them, said that it would always be very difficult for the truly rich to enter heaven and yet, these rich, power-hungry religious leaders, have the temerity to teach their followers on how they can enter heaven.

How can you lead the way to salvation when you yourself won’t be saved?

Who invented these pseudo-religious leaders anyway? Certainly not God. Jesus Christ loved to warn the faithful against fake prophets slash big-time con artists who propagate division and hate instead of love and unity. Sigurado ako, kapag bumaba muli sa lupa si Kristo, uunahin niyang kutusan ang mga ito.

I love Holy Week. The world gets quieter during this time of the year, you have lots of time to ponder things. Criminals, the police say, even rest during Lenten season while most people get nicer. And this is the only time of the year when I can watch one of my favorite musical films without someone asking me, “Ba’t mo pinapanood ‘yan, e, hindi naman Mahal na Araw?” I’m talking about Jesus Christ Superstar. This film won’t enrich your faith that much but hey, it is entertaining and quite thought-provoking. Judas is sympathetic in this film, he was pro-poor and shows genuine concern for Jesus Christ and at the same time confused on his role with Jesus’ death. And it is always a bliss to watch and listen to Yvonne Elliman, her voice is simply glorious.

Hindi ka ba magpapapako ngayong Holy Week? tanong sa akin ng isa kong kasama sa bahay. He was only joking of course. Crucifixion, flagellation, I don’t approve of it. I don’t think God approves of it. God is not a sadist. God doesn’t want people torturing themselves for His sake. What God wants is for people to make sacrifices for other people. God doesn’t want your blood, He wants you to bleed, figuratively, of course, for other people.

You want God’s blessings? Just follow His commandments and you’ll be fine. Last I checked, God only has ten.

Emen? Emen!

TO BE CONTINUED

"THE BOYET FAJARDO SYNDROME"

2009-03-28T01:08:00.000-07:00

I was in a supermarket the other day to buy two jars of my favorite brand of peanut butter, the Tastes Like Chicken Peanut Butter. I was already near the cashier when suddenly, the customer in front of me, an obese, bejeweled woman in her fifties, started screaming and berating the cashier and the bagger. “Ano’ng pinagsasasabi mong ayaw tanggapin ang credit cards ko?” the woman was screaming at the top of her lungs? “Ano’ng palagay mo sa ‘kin, hindi nagbabayad ng credit card? Ano ‘ko, poor na kagaya mo? Kilala mo ba kung sino ‘ko?”

The woman then started dropping the names of powerful and influential people she allegedly knew, like the president, the chief justice of the Supreme Court, the Senate president, the house speaker, Manny Pacquiao, Willie Revillame, Bentong and Pokwang. “Do you know that I have the power to crucify you? Kneel in front of me or I will crucify you and set Barabbas free! ” she threatened the cashier and the bagger. “Ngayon, mamili kayo ng paraan para mawala ang galit ko!” she still was yelling while pointing a nasty finger at the cashier. “Sasampalin ko kayo o luluhod kayong dalawa sa harap ko?”

Confused of what was happening and scared of the woman who now had bloodshot eyes and of the Roman soldiers that might appear and crucify everyone near the woman, I transferred to another cashier. When I looked back, I saw the cashier and the bagger and the other customers already kneeling in front of the woman. They were all shouting “Alleluia! Alleluia!” to her. Thunder roared and lightnings flashed inside the supermarket.

Now, scared out of my wits, I ran away as fast as I could.

Outside the supermarket, with the two peanut butter jars in my hand, another commotion grabbed my attention. A gay man in her fifties and a taxi driver who seemed in his thirties were loudly arguing. “Bakit ayaw mo ‘kong isakay?” the gay man was shouting at the hapless taxi driver. “Wala akong pakialam kuing namatay ang asawa mo sa panganganak at pupuntahan mo siya ngayon sa ospital! Basta isakay mo ‘ko! Kilala mo ba kung sino ‘ko?”

Then, names of powerful and influential men and women started rolling off the tongue of the name-dropping homo. He started mentioning the name of the president, the vice president, the PNP chief, Barack Obama, Tony Blair, Godzilla and Spongebob Squarepants. Then, the obscenely obnoxious gay men told the driver to kneel in front of him or else, he’d obliterate him and his taxi from the face of the earth.

The driver knelt in front of the gay man and started uttering some prayers and incantations. Then lightnings started tearing the dark skies, as if the end of the world was at hand. I quickly got into a jeepney and started my journey back home.

“They’re afflicted with the BF Syndrome,” a friend of mine said when I narrated to him the twin weird incidents I just witnessed.

“BF Syndrome? Best Friends Forever Syndrome?” I asked.

“No, it’s Boyet Fajardo Syndrome. Its cause is having oodles and oodles of money and a little fame and some influential friends. Its symptoms are, you start thinking that you’re untouchable, invincible and that you are a God and that people should kneel in front of you and worship you. You berate and belittle everyone who is poor and live ordinary lives.”

Bewildered, I turned my computer on and started searching the internet. Immediately, I discovered who Boyet Fajardo was. He’s a fashion designer who two weeks ago made a scene inside Duty Free Phils when he berated and cursed some ordinary employees (who unfortunately were just doing their jobs). During that time, Boyet Fajardo realized that he’s no mere mortal and that he actually was a God.

“Kilala mo ba kung sino ako?” Boyet Fajardo was caught in camera taunting the employee (actually a cashier who had the misfortune to tell the omnipotent Boyet Fajardo that his credit card was not working). He started dropping the names of some powerful and influential Filipinos. “Do you know that I have the power to fire you from your job?! Do you know that I have the power to make your already miserable lives more miserable? Kneel in front of me and appease me!” he reportedly shouted for all the other Duty Free customers to hear. The Lord, er, Mr. Fajardo continued to scream and curse while the poor employee was kneeling in front of him.

Luckily, he didn't have the employee crucified.

What is it about money that makes lots of people to think that they’re above other people and above the law? I grew up in a family that believed that everyone in this world was equal, no matter how rich and influential or poor and decrepit one was. Sadly, money, really is the root of all evil. It makes the world go round and makes lots of people go crazy and have this delusion that they, too, have been conceived by Mother Mary and that they can do and get everything they want.

I turned off my PC, made myself some peanut butter sandwiches, then turned the TV on in search of some good, inspiring news.

“It’s been confrimed,” said the TV news reporter while I was hungrily finishing off the sandwich I made, “some peanut butter brands have salmonella and everyone who eat it is going to die slowly and agonizingly. It’s like being exposed to a deadly radiation. The brand that leads the list is Tastes Like Chicken Peanut Butter…”

My jaw dropped. “What the f…!”

JACK BAUER IS MY FAVORITE SUPERHERO

2009-03-23T01:53:00.000-07:00

“Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son!”
-- Jack Bauer

My favorite superhero used to be Spiderman but not anymore.

Iron Man, Incredible Hulk and Batman are good but not enough to meet my standard.

I never liked Superman. I always have issues against a man who wears his pants before his underwear. Surely, there is something wrong with him. I think he’s nuts and that one day, he’s going to turn against the world and destroy it, unless all men start wearing underwear outside their pants.

My favorite superhero is Federal Agent Jack Bauer, Counter Terrorist Unit’s best field agent, the "terrorizer of the terrorists."

I was talking to a friend through SMS the other day when she asked me if I watched 24, she told me she saw a picture of Jack Bauer here in my blogsite. I said, “Yes, I’m a big fan.” Everyone in the family is, even my eleven year old niece is a big fan. I have watched Seasons 1 to 6; never missed a single episode. Season 7 is currently being aired on cable TV but we’d rather watch it on DVD.

Can you name one superhero who’s always able to solve (in exciting, dizzying, dazzling and suspenseful ways) problems created by terrorists that threaten to decimate half of America’s population and bring the world into another global war in just 24 hours?

Only Jack can do it, other superheroes need more time.

Okay, he can’t fly, he can’t be invisible and he can’t lift a truck with just one hand, he’s got no superpowers but he doesn’t need one. His skills (he’s an expert with guns, knives, martial arts, computers and other gadgets and in torturing and extracting information from criminals and he can fly planes and helicopters) are enough to save the world and the entire human race. He's the ultimate patriot and he's got an ultra-high threshold of pain. Enemies can torture him 24/7 for one year and he still won't give up one single state secret. Real-life CIA and FBI agents reportedly copy his style of interrogation and ways of extracting information from terrorists/criminals. Okay, the show sometimes borders to being unbelievable and ludicrous, it sometimes exaggerates things and situations but the bottom line is, it is always very entertaining.

Certainly, one of the most popular TV shows on earth today, 24, in my book, is the most exciting and suspenseful TV show ever created. And it’s presented in real time, too, meaning the events in the show unfold in real time. Yes, believe it or not, it’s more entertaining than Lost, Prison Break, Heroes, Totoy Bato and Kokey combined. A man recently entered Guinness Book of World Records for watching TV for 72 consecutive hours. Guess what show kept him awake? You’re right, it’s 24. He watched three seasons of 24 straight.

Jack is violent, brutal, short-tempered, trigger-happy, he rarely smiles and is oftentimes lonely and depressed and is the type who won’t hesitate to point a gun at the US president and torture even his own brother and aim a gun at his father and kill some of his friends (remember, he’s doing all these nasty things to stop terrorists from killing millions of people) but he is also a caring father, a loving husband and a committed boyfriend. He’s always ready to die for his loved ones as long as they don’t get in the way of his mission to save the world.

If you’ve been reading the headlines these past few days, you’ll know that some really high-ranking and influential Philippine government officials are being implicated in some heinous and really gruesome crimes. Wouldn’t it be nice if Jack would be assigned to interrogate them?

“Dammit, Bigote, confess!”” Jack would probably yell at the prime suspect, “You are going to tell me everything I want to know or I swear to God I will hurt you before I kill you, and no one will be able to stop me.”

With Jack interrogating (and torturing) the suspects, the case will surely be resolved within 24 hours.

"Dammit!"

ARNEL PINEDA AND JOURNEY AT MALL OF ASIA

2009-03-15T16:27:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of Journey. I don’t like their music even when it was still Steve Perry leading them or now that Arnel Pineda’s the one blasting at the mic. Their music is described as radio-friendly corporate rock which means that it can be played on the radio (without your conservative grandma raising much of a ruckus or some people asking what the hell is the song all about), in corporate parties, in discos and in parties where the attendees are class-cutting high-school students.

In other words, people who really know and dig real rock music find their music bland, corny and eww!-inducing. You can’t expect them to write songs that have subliminal meanings or that cleverly tackle topics like death, insanity, depression, child abuse, euthanasia, government corruption and other life’s complications. They would rather sing about love (“To fall in love is so hard to do, I hope and pray tonight, somewhere youre thinkin of me girl” from their song When You Love A woman) and other mundane topics. Their songs are also not really that melodic.

But when a free ticket for a Journey concert at SM Mall Of Asia, coupled with a free ride and a free chow landed on my lap yesterday, the 'opportunist' in me took over and grabbed it. Anyway, what I was doing yesterday could wait, so off we went to MOA. We got there at 7 PM. The concert would start at 8 PM so we still had time to eat. We ate at this really classy restaurant where you could get two cheeseburgers at the price of one.

Ten minutes before eight PM, we were already at the venue. We had tickets worth P1.5 thou each and yet there wasn’t even a single chair in our section. We would be standing for the duration of the concert. The stage was also quite far off. And to think that I was hoping that our tickets would land us in the first row. He he. The concert was obviously expensive. At around 8:15 PM, an elderly lady (in her sixties and wheelchair-bound) was wheeled inside the Gold section (ours was called Silver and the cheapest was called Bronze which was worth 500 pesos) and placed in a spot where she could clearly see the stage. Did her relatives knew what they were doing?

The concert started at around 8:30 PM. The crowd, including our group, enthusiastically applauded when Arnel Pineda and the gang appeared on stage. They kicked off the show with the upbeat rocker Never Walk Away. Few more hardrocking songs followed, Arnel Kept moving and jumping and shouting how proud he was to be Pinoy, then, at 9:30 PM, Open Arms, one of the band’s most popular songs, was performed. Another staple Journey song, Separate Ways, which got the audience into a frenzy, was played at around 9:50. Arnel, no doubt, had a great and very powerful voice, not unlike Steve Perry, who's often voted as one of the greatest vocalists of all time. The song that received the most enthusiastic applause from the crowd was Faithfully, which Arnel sang at around 10:20 PM. The crowd sang along with him with that song. Incidentally, the drummer sang two songs and his voice sounded like, well, Arnel.

The band was still playing when we left the venue at around 11 PM.

The concert will be made into a DVD which will be distributed all over the world.

It was on okay experience but there were times during the concert that my mind drifted and wished that I was watching my fave band Pink Floyd instead. That would definitely be one helluva concert experience because only in a Pink Floyd concert where you could see a plane intentionally crashing on the stage and exploding, a giant flying pig hovering over the audience and light shows that could rival the best fireworks show in the world. Unfortunately, I never fulfilled my fervent dream of seeing them live.

On our way out of the venue, I overheard a young woman gushing that Journey was the best rock band ever.

Below, some of the pictures I’ve taken with my crappy cell phone during the concert.

ONE MORE SHORT HORROR STORY

2009-03-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

PUSHING UP THE DAISIES

And I feel that time's a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
So would you even care?

And I feel it, And I feel it

Where ya going to tomorrow
Where ya going with the mask I found
And I feel, and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her
will she smell alone?

Eric stopped the Stone Temple Pilots CD he was playing, took the headphone off his head and rushed to the windows. He peeked throught the blinds. He heard something. Had the cops found her? Had the dogs started to smell her? Dogs wouldn’t miss a corpse, especially a brand new one. But was she dead? It only had been five minutes. How long could a person live without air? Ten? Fifteen minutes? He moved away from the windows and went back to his chair when he saw nothing. He turned the CD on again. He had to relax.

And I feel so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?

And I feel it, And she feels it

Eric started justifying what he did. It was okay to murder Daisy, his wife, because she was a coldblooded slut. How many times he had caught her sleeping with another man? She was a chronic liar. She only cared about herself. She didn’t mind stepping on other people’s toes and spitting on other people’s faces if it would make her happy.

He loved her too much and she treated him like dirt.

It had been thirty minutes now since he buried Daisy. Even if she still was alive at this time, the lack of oxygen might have severely damaged her brain now. And wouldn’t be that nice? That would be her karma.

He closed his eyes.

No, murder could never be justified. A person could be more evil than Hannibal Lecter and you still wouldn’t have the right to kill him.

He got out of his bungalow with a shovel and went to his backyard. He started digging the part where he buried Daisy. Oh, God, she must be brain dead by now! A few hours ago, they had a violent argument over her blatant infidelity. She was two-timing her and she still had the nerve to nag him. He lost his temper and hit her head with a vase. She lost consciousness. He dragged her to the backyard and buried her alive.

Daisy was still alive and was now conscious when he was able to exhume her. She didn’t need his help to stand up.

“O-Okay, I will let you go,” he told her. “Just apologize to me, just say you’re sorry for all the pain you’ve caused me. Sorry, it’s just one word, has only two syllables, it wouldn’t be hard to say it, please. You don’t know the power of that word. Act like you’re sincere, act like you’re repentant and I will let you go…. even if your acting’s lousy… You’ll be free. I will be free.”

Daisy grinned and flashed him her middle-finger. “Why don’t you just f-ck yourself like you always do?”

Why don’t you just f-ck yourself like you always do?

It was a sentence and had multiple syllables. It was definitely harder to say than sorry.

All his blood rushed to his head. The next thing he knew was he was repeatedly pummeling her with the shovel. He continued to hit her even when she was already down. She was now out cold again. Her face had been smashed, it had turned into a jelly, some of her teeth had flown, both her eyes had been forced out of its sockets and he could her skull cracking. He threw her into the grave again. He started burying her again. This time, he would never unearth her. Daisy would soon be pushing up the daisies. He would let her die. Daisy’s death would mean freedom for him. Freedom from pain. He would let her rot, he would let worms feast on her.

He would let her soul burn in hell.

But whom he was fooling?

Daisy would never push up the daisies. Grim Reaper wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole. Somebody would discover her and she would regain her strength and beauty in a few days, as if nothing happened.

A year ago, when he and Daisy was still madly in love with each other, she was stricken with cancer. She was given just a month to live. It was God’s will, their friends said. But he interceded with what God wanted with Daisy. Eric sold his soul to the devil so Daisy would be healed. The demon happily accepted his offer and gave her an immortal life.

Ten years from now, this demon would ascend to earth to kill Eric and collect his soul while she would continue to sleep with many men.

He looked back at where he buried Daisy. He could hear her chuckling.

She was right, he had f-cked himself.

He wiped his tears, he’d learned his lesson.

Never make immortal someone you’d want to kill someday...

GATE OF HELL (Last Part)

2009-02-26T22:41:00.000-08:00

CITIBANK SCANDAL: TRULY BIZARRE AND SHOCKING

2009-02-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

This is probably one of the weirdest telephone conversations you’ll ever hear.

Lots of people call this the Citibank Scandal.

But this is a different scandal. The woman here is screaming, yes, but in a different, non-ecstatic way while the man is moaning but also in a different, non-glorious and non-delirious way.

It is a recorded conversation between a woman and a Citibank call center agent. The woman was apparently trying to withdraw money from an ATM but could not. Frustrated, she called up the office of Citibank to complain. And complain, she did.

She let out a nasty and profanities-driven tirade against the hapless call center agent, against Citibank and one of its managers and against the Philippines and the Filipino people. She was a raging bull, a loose cannon and a hardcore terrorist rolled into one. Ang lutong magmura! The woman was obviously deranged but her little, nutty mind’s hatred, disgust and prejudice against the Filipino people was truly astonishing.

The cops (better if they could borrow Jack Bauer from CTU) should hunt this woman and apprehend her and lock her inside a mental institution before she could lay a hand on an UZI or a machine gun or worse, a nuclear bomb.

You can listen to the conversations (it’s almost nine minute-long) here but I must warn you that they are very explicit (tadtad ng P.I. at ibang hindi kanais-nais na lengguwahe). Wash your ears afterwards.

Citibank_Scandal.mp3 -

Now, aren’t you glad you’re not a call center agent?

"Stop eating the ATM, ma'am, or I'll shoot!"

GATE OF HELL

2009-02-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

Ang maikling kuwentong katatakutang nilikha ko para sa Dark Pages.

Tatapusin

THE WORLD'S SWEETEST LOVERS

2009-02-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love.
But then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer.
To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love.
To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer,
or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down…”

-- Woody Allen, noted American film actor, writer and director

In connection with the celebration of Valentine’s Day, a worldwide organization which aim is to propagate love and understanding all over the world, annually chooses five greatest male lovers. Here are this year’s five winners, caught in the act, while they were showing and proving how sweet, thoughtful and caring they were to their significant others.

How lucky these women are! Now, who says most men aren’t romantic and loving? All these five Casanovas will be receiving a trophy and a whack at the back of the head.

THE EVIL OF PHOTOSHOP

2009-01-31T00:45:00.000-08:00

These days, everyone can be gorgeous and beautiful. Everyone can now have perfect face, svelte, fat-free figure, tantalizing, eyebag-free eyes, gorgeous smooth hair and flawless, glowing skin and underarms that are as shiny as the sun without going to the doctor or buying those expensive beauty products.

Yes, everyone can be a goddess or godlike when it comes to their appearance. At least, on the pages of those glossy magazines and on billboards and calendars.

Photoshop is the word.

A friend of mine, Dingdong (not his real name) used to regularly buy FHM magazines and the likes but when he noticed that the models’ photos were starting to be heavily doctored and photoshopped (to the point that the models looked deformed and their bodies not proportionate), he stopped buying it. “Fantasizing to a doctored photo is downright cheap and degrading,” my principled friend declared. “They’re giving us fake photos, we might as well pay them fake money.” My friend did just that but was promptly arrested by the bookstore’s security guard. I helped him put up his bail.

Almost every magazine is guilty of it now, digitally enhancing the features of their models. Even Madam Auring or Pokwang can now grace the pages of these magazines and appear salacious and droolworthy. Now, you don’t put salacious and drool-worthy and Madam Auring in one sentence unless it is truly an emergency. It could signal the end of the world. The last time a writer put Regine Velasquez and genuine body parts in one sentence, Mt. Pinatubo erupted. So photoshoppers, beware. Do not attempt to put someone as tall as Mahal on your magazine’s cover and make her look like a statuesque model. Hitler might rise from his grave and start another holocaust, with photoshoppers as his victims.

What prompted this article? Actually, my friend Dingdong adored Marian Rivera. “Believe me, pre,” he'd always tell me, “Marian owns the most dazzling and the sunshiniest armpits in the world. And they're genuine.” He’d always show me the picture below as a proof. I almost had to cover my eyes while looking at her armpits so I would not go blind.

My friend adored Marian Rivera’s underarms, the reason he was shocked when he saw this Marian Rivera picture a few days ago while he was surfing the internet for some religious articles.

"Oh, my God, h-her a-armpits," Dingdong stammered while looking at the picture. "I-It's not as shiny as the..." He felt dizzy and collapsed before he could finish what he was saying. My friend is now devastated, everyday, he cries, he won’t speak to anyone and refuses to look at anyone's armpits. How could he be so naive, refusing to believe then that photoshop had really conquered everything, including Marian's armpits? He is planning to consult a psychiatrist to help him get back on track.

A doctored photo ruined his life.

I wish him well.

SOME OF THE PHILIPPINE'S BEST CARTOONISTS

2009-01-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

My good friend and fellow blogger Arman Francisco is currently running a series of blog updates about local cartoon strips and cartoon characters. Obviously, he loves cartoon strips. I, too, like cartoons. I also wanted to be a cartoonist then. When I first got inside the premises of Atlas Publishing then, I had with me my own cartoon strip entitled Rizalito. I haven’t wrote a single comics script then and GASI was still an unknown entity to me then. My strip was about a teenager who was named after Jose Rizal by his patriotic father. Rizalito resembled (at least the hairdo) Jose Rizal and he was supposed to act and speak like the national hero). He’s supposed to be smart, witty, sarcastic and love to spew patriotic lines.

The editor (I forgot his name) liked it, he was grinning while reading the few pages I gave him. “Okay ‘to, kaya lang ilipat mo sa mas malaking papel gaya nito,” he told me before showing me a standard-sized comics illustration. I drew my strips on short bond papers. “Baka gawin kong weekly ‘yan.”

Weekly? I got intimidated by that. My plan was to give him the few pages of cartoon strips I made and that was it. Babalik lang ako at magdadala uli kung kailan ko gusto. I didn’t think that I could cope up with a weekly cartoon strips. I was too lazy then. I told the editor I’d be back with the enlarged strips but I did not. I went back to Atlas but with scripts in hand instead. I just avoided that editor. Aside from my apprehension of the deadline and my ability to come up with a good weekly cartoon strips, I got busy with my studies, my two askals, my three supermodel girlfriends, my burgeoning showbiz career and my hallucinations. I was, I think, in second or third year college then. I let go of my plan to have a brilliant career as an astonishing cartoonist.

My favorite cartoon strips abroad are Hagar The Horrible (about an overweight viking whose crew is composed of stupid, inept and bumbling vikings) and the works of Sergio Aragones who I think is one of the best cartoonists in the world. Here, I really like Pol Medina’s Pugad Baboy which in my opinion is the best local cartoon ever. Ikabod by the late Nony Marcelo is a close second. I have a complete collection of the Pugad Baboy series. Durog na nga lang ang ilang kopya ko dahil sa paulit-ulit na pagbabasa habang ang iba pang kopya ay naligaw na ng landas at hindi na nakabalik sa akin matapos mahiram. Its illustrations are great and the humor, truly funny, biting, contemporary and sardonic.

I love cartoons so when I saw this book, Samahang Kartunista Ng Pilipinas Roster Book, at Komikon last year, I immediately grabbed it while no one was looking and ran out of the venue. Just kidding, I paid for it and had it signed by one of the cartoonists featured there, Freely Abrigo, who’s an amiable fellow. It’s a good book, perfect if you’re an aspiring cartoonist or one who wants to learn about cartoons and its creators in the Philippines, lots of cartoonists there and their sample works, from the promising new artists (Hazel Manzano, Mimi Romualdez) to the not so new but not so old (FreelyAbrigo, Manny Francisco who incidentally resembles Aragones' works) to the veterans (Romy Buen,Norman Isaac, Roni Santiago) and the truly greats (Rene Aranda, Dengcoy Miel). You'll find some of the country's best cartoonists and cartoon strips here. I was just wondering why Pol Medina’s not a member. Lyndon Gregorio, the creator of Beerkada, another good comic strip, is also missing. Try to have a copy of it if you love cartoons.

KURT COBAIN, ERNEST HEMINGWAY AND A FEW SUICIDE NOTES

2009-01-20T00:12:00.000-08:00

“Hey you, out there in the cold

Getting lonely, getting old

Can you feel me?

Hey you, standing in the aisles

With itchy feet and fading smiles

Can you feel me?

Hey you, dont help them to bury the light

Dont give in without a fight…”
--“Hey You” by Pink Floyd

“Do you have suicidal tendencies?”

I was asked that question quite a few times, some jokingly, some seriously, while I was still actively writing for local comics. Some people noticed that I loved writing stories about suicide or about desperate people committing suicide. “No,” I would always answer, “I don’t have any.” It’s just that suicide as a topic always has a strange attraction to me. I love lonely, lone wolf characters. Unfortunately, suicide as an act also has strange attraction to a lot of people. World Health Organization(WHO) says that one person commits sucide every forty seconds. Count to forty, please. You’re finished? There, another person just died by suicide. Bless his soul. WHO also says that suicide rates all over the world have dramatically increased in the last few years.

In Japan, where suicide is considered an honorable act, 30, 000 Japanese kill themselves every year. In South Korea, every time a celebrity kills himself/herself, the suicide rates rise. It seems that suicide, like yawning, is contagious there. There was once a website there called Gathering Of Suicides which invites people to commit suicide with other people. “Please contact us if you want to die with us,” the site would tell its visitors. China has one of the highest suicide rates in the world- 685 a day. Suicide is now the primary cause of death among Chinese aged 20-35.

Men tend to kill themselves more than women. Western women have more suicidal tendencies than Asian women. Women in Western countries usually kill themselves by slashing their wrists or by swallowing pills while in Asia, women there end their lives by hanging, drinking poisons or by setting themselves on fire. These statistics show that when they decide to kill themselves, Asian women are more determined than their counterparts in Western countries. Doctors say that it is always easy to save people who try to kill themselves by slashing their wrists or overdosing with pills than those who hang or set themselves on fire.

Almost three years ago, a man ended his life by hanging himself in our neighbor's tall steel fence. I remember looking out my room's window and seeing his dead body being brought down. He lived in the neighborhood, was sickly and had family problems. No, the place didn't become haunted.

Famous people whom I admire who committed sucide include Ernest Hemingway (a legendary writer, Nobel Peace Prize and Pulitzer Prize winner for The Old Man And The Sea) who shot himself with a shotgun while suffering from severe paranoia; he kept saying that he got depressed after losing the ability to write and Kurt Cobain, a famous rocker, Nirvana's main man who also shot himself with a shotgun. "I haven't felt the excitement of listening to music and creating it for too many years now," Kurt, a very good lyricist, wrote in his suicide note.

Fortunately, not a lot of people commit suicide here in the Philippines. But then, Filipinos are the only people I know who laugh and make jokes about their miseries. It would take a lot before you could convince a Filipino to slash his own neck.

Shattered is one of the works I am really, really proud of as a comics writer. It’s a horror series and it came out in Shocker Komiks. Stories are about crazy people and the weird and evil reasons why they went nuts. Typically, the lead character/s in every story would commit suicide at the end of the story. It ran for more than three years and it had, I think, four illustrators which included Rolan Guina, Sonny Anthony, Ron-Ron Amatos and one more whose name escapes my memory at the moment. Rolan Guina was its original illustrator and he was perfect for the series. Rolan handled it for more than two years and after he left, my appetite for the series soon vanished. I was talking to my editor one time and suddenly, I expressed the wish to finish the series and he relented. I went home that day, sat in front of my computer and finished its last story, a terrible one, in less than thirty minutes.

You can read that story below and as usual, it ended in a suicide.

Suicide is a terrible thing to do, probably the stupidest thing a man can do. If you know someone who’s thinking of killing himself, do your best to stop him. Suicide is wrong, suicide is stupid, it should never be an option, bear that in mind.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A COW IN THE YEAR OF THE OX

2009-01-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

When they are not busy putting melamine in milk or lead in children’s toys or thinking of other ways to harm the humanity through their products, some Chinese people dabble in zodiac. And according to them, this year, 2009, is the Year of The Ox. If you are an ox (people born in the year 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985 and 1997), this is your year. And if you are a believer in these things, consider yourself lucky this year. Go ahead, take risks, be bold and adventurous. Do things that you don’t normally do, like bungee jumping without a rope or crossing EDSA in a blindfold.

I really am not a believer in chinese zodiac or horoscope or the likes. I don’t read my horoscope. I don't understand why lots of people go gaga over it. Think about it, if this year is lucky for all the things ox, then why is this cow (a close relative of the oxen) having the worst day of her life.

"CORY APOLOGIZES AGAIN" AND OTHER HEADLINES WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE

2009-01-02T00:47:00.000-08:00

The following is a wish list, some of the headlines that some of my God-fearing, pseudo-intellectuals, beer-guzzling, computer-hogging, law-abiding but non-taxpaying friends would love to see on Philippine newspapers this 2009.

POLITICS

"GMA Revokes Pardon, Estrada Finally Going To Jail"

"Cocky, Abusive, Golf Club-Toting Gov’t Officials Mauled By Ordinary Citizens, Mob Threatens To Beat More"

"Cory Apologizes Again, But This Time To The Filipino People For Failing To Lift the Country After EDSA I, For Her Failure To Truly Resolve The Ninoy Murder And For Giving Birth To Kris Aquino"

"20 Corrupt Politicians Convicted Of Graft, Judge Sentences Them 50 Years Each, Rules Out Pardon Or Parole; 3 Quickly Jump Off Tall Building And Kill Themselves"

"Imelda Marcos Finally Admits Her Family’s Sins Against The Nation, Returns Wealth And Hits Her Head Hard With A Shoe In Repentance"

"Joe De Venecia Retires From Politics, Will Try His Luck As A Comedian"

ENTERTAINMENT

"GMA 7 And Abs-Cbn Vow To Stop Creating Those Trashy And Mind-Numbingly Stupid Shows, Also Vow To Employ Actors/Hosts Who Can Really Act/Talk"

"Willie Revillame Retires From TV, Promises To Be Genuinely Charitable This Time"

"Dr. Hayden Kho Releases His Sex Video-Compilation To The Internet, Downloading Frenzy Ensues; Two Men Hurt As One Computer Overheats And Explodes"

"Big Time Publisher Vows To Truly, Really, Genuinely Revive And Improve Local Comics Industry "

SPORTS

"Manny Pacquiao Mauls Hatton, Promises To Do The Same Thing To Mayweather And To The Politicians Who Will Make The Mistake Of Convincing Him To Run In An Election Again"

"Robert Jaworski Signs Up As Playing Coach Of A New PBA Team, Says He Will Try To Revitalize Boring PBA"

Disgraced former President Estrada’s rightful place is in jail, not in press conferences where he regularly threatens the public that he will again run as president in 2010 if no worthy candidate will come forward. This is the same man who promised that he’d not accept a pardon once convicted and would prefer to rot in jail but quickly grabbed the pardoning hand of a scheming president when it was offered to him. Yes, he's one politician who truly values his word.

It’s high time the roles are reversed, a lot of people are saying, that we see abusive government officials being beaten to a pulp by ordinary law-abiding, patriotic citizens.

Former President Aquino is starting to lose the respect of many people with her misguided pronouncements. Imagine apologizing for her role in removing a president who was then planning to drag the country into the pits of hell. But then, everyone should understand her, some people say, cancer not only ravages the body but also the mind.

Willie Revillame is probably one of the most annoying personalities to grace my 14-inch black and white TV. He seems to act everytime he holds the mic, feigning sympathies to audience he obviously despises. How a scandal-magnet host like him and a TV show like Wowowee which, everyone knows, is involved in the death of almost eighty people, most of them elderly and poor, can still stay on the air and garner high ratings is beyond me. I cringe everytime I see people watching and enjoying this show. Hindi ba naaalala ng mga manonood na ito ang mga kapwa nila na namatay dahil sa pagbabakasakaling mabiyayaan kahit kaunti ng programang ito, na hanggang ngayon ay hindi nagkakamit ng hustisya?

My friends, ever since rumors that Dr. Kho (incidentally, the only doctor I know who doesn't know how to overdose on pills) has a compilation of sex videos which includes his alleged trysts with sexy stars Katrina Halili and Rufa Mae Quinto came out, have been restless and fidgety. Last I heard, one of them was seen passing around a petion to be signed by a million sex scandal connoisseurs like him that would force Kho to release the videos. I am third among the signatories.

Okay, we know Jaworski can’t play anymore and that he’ll probably have a heart attack running up and down the court for ten minutes but I’m sure that with him around, PBA might find his lost glory.

And with these headlines becoming real, my friends are sure that the Philippines will also recover its lost glory.

THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY

2008-12-27T10:55:00.000-08:00

A front page news on Philippine Daily Inquirer today, December 27, entitled Santa Claus Kills 8, Self In Christmas Eve Rampage tells the story of a man who, dressed as Santa and armed with a shotgun, went to his former in-laws’ Christmas Eve party and murdered at least eight people before committing suicide hours later.

The cops believe that the ex-wife, who was among the dead, was the prime target. The 45 year old suspect had no criminal record and no history of violence, but was angry and frustrated following the recent settlement of his divorce after a marriage that lasted barely a year, the news said. Read the full article here.

I don’t want to trivialize the tragic incident but the suspect, before he flipped, was probably listening too much to this Weird Al Yankovic song entitled The Night Santa Went Crazy.

"The Night Santa Went Crazy"

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without steppin' in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Santa, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doin' time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Clause, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain

SNOT FOR SALE

2008-12-22T12:01:00.000-08:00

I woke up yesterday with a cold so bad and severe, my nose so clogged, that I thought of going to a hospital to ask the doctors there to drill a hole in my neck to help me breathe easily. Luckily, people in our neighborhood talked me out of it. They just gave me cold tablets to ease my sufering.

I found out that I was not alone when I read the newspaper yesterday. Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson’s also got a bad cold. She was seen blowing her nose on worldwide TV. In fact, she’s selling an old tissue (the one she used in blowing her nose when she guested in Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show) on eBay for charity. “And you got some lipstick and snot. There’s definitely snot there,” Scarlett uttering some sales talks for the snot-laden tissue. The precious tissue has reportedly snagged more than sixty bids, with the highest bidder putting up $2,050.

When you can blow your nose, then sell that snotty tissue on eBAY and people offer more than two thousand dollars to buy it, then, that’s the time that you can truly say that you’re successful in life. It’s like you’ve been elevated to godlike or superhero status. You’re the supersalesman. You can sell anything, even the dead rat inside your house.

It is only now that I’m realizing that I’m an utter failure in life. I had been blowing my nose to probably a milion tissue papers now and not one person has offered to buy even one piece of it even at highly discounted price.

Now, a lot of men are getting excited because Ms. Johansson has been making hints that the next item she’s going to sell in eBay are some of her, well, worn panties. Nothing new there, eBay has always been known as a weird market. Everyone knows you can sell anything there, you can buy anything there. Someone's mother-in-law, a girl’s virginity or a one-night-stand with someone’s wife are perennial for-sale stuff there.

"The air guitar's a little out of tune."

Would you believe that an air guitar had been sold on eBay? A ten year old cheese with the image of Virgin Mary was once sold for twenty eight thousand dollars. Anything with image of Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary and Mother Teresa can be sold at eBay. An extracted tooth that resembled the image of Virgin Mary was once for sale. But a man who was trying to sell his soul got only six dollars for the highest bid. Then there were these women who offered their cleavage as an advertising spot. There’s also this man who was trying to sell a haunted body bag, I don’t know how many bids he got. Bubble wrap is always a bestseller at eBay.

No, I’m not one of the sixty persons who rushed to make a bid for Scarlett’s lovely tissue. If Santa would give me her tissue with her snot on it as a gift, I’d pass and instead ask for a new cell phone with a flashlight in it. But make it Natalie Portman’s tissue and snot and I would probably think about it. But then, what would I do with it? Have it framed and hang it on my bedroom wall? It will be too expensive to just blow my nose on it.

Weird Al Yankovic even wrote a funny song about eBay. You can find it here.

"Monica Bellucci's cleavage is definitely far more expensive than the biggest billboard in EDSA."

A CHRISTMAS RAMBLING

2008-12-16T23:47:00.000-08:00

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
You know… the birth of Santa.”
Bart Simpson

Like most of the people, I was in and out of malls these past few days. No, I wasn’t Christmas shopping, I was only accompanying my sisters and other relatives and friends shop for gifts and clothes. I was in only for the free chow and the opportunity to bond with my nephews and nieces. My sisters and cousins love to eat in good restaurants. I, too, love fine dining. I always have mine in McDo.

All the malls we went to were teeming with people. It is of course during Christmas that most people become allergic to money, some of them will buy anything with a price tag on it as long as it won’t bite and eat them. I saw a burly, bemoustached, tattoed man trying a pink dress. I also saw this seventy year old woman entering a store that sold bikinis and a ten year old girl going inside a gun store unaccompanied. There’s oughta be a law that prohibits little girls from purchasing a gun. They shouldn’t be allowed to carry a gun even if it’s licensed. I know that there’s already a law that forbids women aged 60 and above from prancing in the beach in a bikini so we should not worry about the septuagenarian who just bought three pairs of string bikinis.

We were in a restaurant and I saw a family left the place with barely-touched food and drinks on their table. What’s it with Christmas that makes people seemingly antagonistic towards money? What is it with Christmas that makes even the hardcore atheists celebrate it with so much gusto? There’s nothing in the Bible that says Jesus threw lavish parties and asked for gifts whenever he celebrated his birthday. So who are our role models when it comes to the ways we celebrate Christmas?

Okay, it’s Santa Claus’ and the capitalists’ fault. They have successfully brainwashed the people and convinced them that you can’t celebrate our Lord’s birthday without spending lots of dough and buying lots of gifts. Do you want to attend Jesus’ birthday? Then you should be reminded that there’s a dress code, everyone’s clothes should be brand new and expensive. And everyone should bring a gift. I won’t be surprised if one of these days, a billboard showing Jesus clad in signature clothes would appear in EDSA, holding shopping bags with a halo in His head, exhorting people to spend and spend to show their love for Him.

It is also during Christmas that beggars start to abound in the streets. An average of fifteen street kids, I think, knock on my sister’s car windows in our every trip to a mall. I always give alms but I always hesitate giving alms to street kids who dash across the streets in search of it, unmindful of speeding cars around them. I would rather that they are safe than be five-peso richer courtesy of me. A beggar will only move my wallet when he or she has a safe corner of his own. A guitar and a voice sounding like Renz Verano often help to convince me to hand out a bigger amount.

Christmas is about gift-giving so as early as July, I have set my sight on the gift I would give myself. It’s a bicycle that’s five digits worth. My old cheap bike is already a piece of junk and it has been planning to murder me. I will never forget that day it lost its brakes while I was speeding in a busy Binondo street. Of course, like all my other plans that needed money, my plan to give myself that gift went pfft. Maybe next time I should set my eyes on something cheaper, like a box of colored underwears.

My sister, while we were still in a mall and Christmas songs were blaring from every corner, asked me to burn her a Christmas CD. “’Yong magaganda. ‘Yong local saka imported. Ano ba pinakamagandang christmas songs na tagalog at imported?” she asked me. I am the family’s self-appointed expert when it comes to music and movies.

“Pinakamagandang christmas song? Puwera standards, sa imported , ‘yong kay John Lennon siyempre, Happy Christmas(War Is Over). At sa local, ‘yong Miss Kita Kung Christmas, ‘yong sa original singer, hindi ‘yong cover versions lang, ramdam mo talaga ang pasko sa mga kantang ‘yon.”

“Sige, isama mo ‘yong dalawa na ‘yon. ‘Yong magaganda pillin mo, ha? ‘Yong mga contemporary,” she told me. Early this morning, she called me up on the phone and she was asking me to instead burn her a CD containing all the Chipmunks Christmas songs. And yes, the CD will still include Happy Christmas and Miss Kita Kung Christmas. It turned out that one of the stores she entered while we were mall-hopping played Chipmunks Christmas songs and it reminded her how good and cheerful Chipmunks songs were.

“E, sa movies, ano ba magandang pang-Xmas?” “another pertinent question my dear sister hurled at me.

“Christmas movies? Die Hard 1 and 2,” I said.

My sister’s eyebrow raised but did not say anything. But I was serious with that answer. Maybe she was thinking about movies that would lift her spirits up and envelope with her genuine Christmas mood. Hey, Die Hard movies always lift my spirits up. Home Alone 1 & 2 and The Nightmare Before Christmas are great Christmas films, too.

When I was a child, Christmas did not excite me. Maybe because I had stingy ninongs and ninangs. I’m just kidding, of course. (Some of them are still alive. He he) I always dreaded the moment when my parents would drag me to my godparents’ houses to ask for gifts, some of them would even ask me and the other kids to sing before being handed the dole-outs. Some of them would even take a Simon Cowell-stance and criticize us. “You sing horribly!”

Oh, yeah, your gift’s horrible, too!

I was more excited with the New Year because of the firecrackers and the fireworks.

Some people are excited with Christmas because of the parties. The last Xmas party I was able to attend, I think was when I was still in high school. And it was a very long time ago, I remember, the hot topic then was the recent bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Merry Christmas. I hope Santa is true because I have been good throughtout the year. I deserve a gift from him. And I don’t want colored underwears, I can buy it myself, I’ll start saving for it right now.

"Eeew! I saw Santa french-kissing Rudolph!"

DE LA HOYA IS PACQUIAO'S HUMAN PUNCHING BAG

2008-12-08T13:13:00.000-08:00

With his masterful demolition of Oscar De La Hoya, Manny Pacquiao has just proven that he truly is one of the world’s all-time greatest boxers. He was fantastically awesome yesterday, as he reduced De La Hoya into a pitiful punching bag, just like what he did with David Diaz. Many experts were right, it was a mismatch. They just did not know that it was a mismatch in favor of Pacquiao.

They say that Englishman Ricky Hatton will be Pacquiao’s next opponent. I have seen Hatton fight and I say he’s another punching bag waiting to be torn down. I’m more excited with the prospects of Floyd Mayweather Jr. coming out of his retirement to face Pacquiao. With the way he got rid of De La Hoya, it is now safe to say that Pacquiao, certainly, has a big chance of sending Mayweather to kingdom come.

Time for the latest Pacquiao Joke:

What is "Hidden Soldiers?"

Pacquiao's Favorite anti-dandruff shampoo.

What is "Claire?"

The other anti-dandruff shampoo he likes.

ANOTHER SHORT HORROR STORY

2008-12-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

I have written lots of stories that are wholly inspired by a song (which means you can find the lyrics of the song in the story). And this is one of them.

ONE OF MY TURNS By Pink Floyd

“Oh my God! What a fabulous room! Are all these your guitars?”

"This place is bigger than our apartment!”

"Ahm, can I get a drink of water?”

"You want some, huh?"

"Oh wow, look at this tub? Do you wanna take a bath?”

"What are you watching?"

"Hello?"

"Are you feeling okay?..."

Day after day, love turns grey

Like the skin of a dying man.

Night after night, we pretend it’s all right

But I have grown older and you have grown colder and

Nothing is very much fun any more.

And I can feel one of my turns coming on.

I feel cold as a razor blade, tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum.

Run to the bedroom, In the suitcase on the left

You'll find my favorite axe.

Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days.

Would you like to watch T.V.? Or get between the sheets? Or contemplate the silent freeway?Would you like something to eat?Would you like to learn to fly?

Would'ya? Would you like to see me try?

Would you like to call the cops?

Do you think it's time I stopped?

Why are you running away?

COLD AS A RAZOR BLADE

Dave’s car stopped in front of his luxurious apartment.

“Is that your house?” Alison inquired as she was going out of the car, her very fair skin glowed under the bright moonlight. He nodded. Alison was a hooker he picked up on his way home. She was pretty. She had round sad eyes. Her hair was long and dark. He led her inside the house and into his room.

“Oh, my God! What a fabulous room! This place is bigger than our apartment,” she exclaimed just as they were entering his room. He sat on a chair and turned the TV on. “Can I drink a glass of water?” she asked.

He did not say a word but pointed to where the ref was.

He glanced at the picture of Rachel on top of the TV set. She sure resembled Alison. Rachel, too, was a hooker she picked up on the street five years ago. He fell in love with her, he took care of her and spoiled her. He tried to live a normal life for her. But she left him for another man.

You’re asking me why I am leaving you? he remembered Rachel asking him, mocking him, as she was packing her things up. He lives in a palace and you don’t.

He wanted to run after her as she was casually walking out of their room, he wanted to grab her by the hair and smash her head on the the wall. He wanted her blood to spill on the floor so he could lick it up.

He wanted to kill her. But he could not. He let her leave.

He spent the next days planning to abduct and kill her. He could easily do it. He had been
stalking her, he knew her routine. He knew she was sleeping around, her husband did not.

Dave clenched his fists while his eyes remained glued on the TV. Night after night, he pretended it was alright.

“What are you watching?” he heard Alison asking him but he did not respond.

Nothing’s alright.

He closed his eyes. His head ached, it felt like it was being gripped by a tourniquet. He could feel his throat becoming dry like like a funeral drum. He glanced at his arms, his skin looked like the skin of a dying man. That was their curse, their skin turned grey whenever they're depressed.

“Hello? Are you okay, cutie?” Alison asked her.

He glared at her. He could see Rachel in her. Rachel again was mocking her. He stood up, picked the chair up and smashed the TV with it. Alison ran to the bedroom. And it was a mistake, it was where he kept his favorite axe. He followed her and grabbed the axe. “Why are you running away?” sarcastically, he asked her. “Don’t be so frightened, this is just a passing phase, just one of my bad days." He grinned. His jaw was starting to hurt. "I know how to fly, would you like to learn to fly? Do you want to see me try?”

“S-Stay away,” she begged.

“Would you like to call the cops? Do you think it’s time I stopped?” he asked her, his mind swirling.

He then swung the axe and her severed head flew. Her headless body fell to the floor. Dave dropped the axe and thought of ways to dispose of her body after he collected her blood.
Next week, he would search the streets again, looking for hookers who resembled Rachel.
Wasn’t it sick? He wanted to see Rachel suffer and die but he was letting others to do it for her.

But he was a vampire, he was allowed some insanities...

He wiped the blood off Alison’s mouth with his finger, then he put his finger in his mouth, his fangs felt cold like a razor blade. He sucked the blood dry. It tasted sweet.

When he got tired of adoring Rachel, when he finally fell out of love with her, he was going to kill her for real… e n d

PACQUIAO VERSUS DE LA HOYA

2008-12-04T00:18:00.000-08:00

Something is occurring this December that excites many Filipinos more than the coming of Christmas. Yes, sir, it’s the coming fight between Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya. It’s a fight that I dismissed as a joke when it was first floated around because the two were in different weight divisons.

Since I’m a ranking member of The Solid Intrepid Manny Pacquiao Fan Club (Metro Manila Chapter) and the former vice-president of the now disbanded The Unbeatable Manny Pacquiao-Ara Mina Fan Club, I often get asked about my views on the fight. “Who do you think will win?” people would always ask me, as if I were a boxing expert. I'd always say that De La Hoya (since he’s a lot taller than Manny and he’s coming from a heavier weight division where he battled foes that were a lot bigger and stronger than those whom Manny had brawled with) has the edge. We shouldn’t forget that Oscar had fought Floyd Mayweather Jr. and almost won. I, for the life of me, can’t see how Pacquiao can win against a healthy Mayweather. But Oscar has not much edge. Manny is definitely quicker than Oscar and has stronger punches and he’s younger. Oscar, at thirty five years old, is already an ageing boxer.

Of course, I want Manny Pacquiao to win or else.

Or else I’ll cry.

But then win or lose, Manny has been enshrined as the greatest athlete this country has produced.

I think it’s not De La hoya who will put Manny to his knees, it’s the @$%&*# politicians who are now eagerly awaiting for him to run again for an elective post although is obvious that Manny can only rule and be effective inside the ring; outside of it, he’s a patsy.

Kumanta ka na lang kaysa magpulitiko, Manny, mas kagigiliwan ka ng publiko do’n.

Para sa 'yo,

Ang laban na 'to,

Para sa 'yo,

Ang laban na 'to (ohhh)

Hindi ako susuko,

Isisigaw ko sa mundo

Para sa 'yo,

Ang laban na 'to...

Kumanta nga :)

SOMEDAY, A CHICKEN WILL ENTER A FAST-FOOD RESTO AND ORDER 'HUMAN JOY'

2008-11-28T01:12:00.000-08:00

"Why so serious?"

Joker in The Dark Knight

Elmer, the four-chapter graphic novel of Gerry Alanguilan about a family of chickens who think, talk, argue, write and act like humans, is beautifully drawn and the story might knock some sense into the stubborn head of a racist. Elmer is smart and it is dark and violent which for me is a good thing. A man is shown blasting his head off with a shotgun in Chapter Two while a lot of scenes show men being attacked and killed by murderous chickens. Elmer, obviously, should not be compared to Chicken Run or Chicken Little.

It’s good but I have a few complaints.

When I got my hands on them ( I bought Chapters 2-4 at the Komikon (I had them signed by Gerry) and downloaded Chapter One from Gerry’s blogsite, I was expecting to read a smart and humorous novel (with dark undertones here and there, of course) with witty and talking chickens who co-habit with people in it but what leapt out of the pages when I opened it was a very serious and brooding novel about chickens who rant against being discriminated by humans.

I was distracted with the novel’s very serious tone. The main character, a chicken named Jake, is very angst-ridden and takes himself very seriously. And he can’t appreciate the fact that the whole world has stopped eating chickens. All the chickens in the story take themselves seriously and have poor sense of humor. While I was reading it, I was waiting for Jake or one of the chickens to say something like, “Hey, I’m a chicken! Why am I so angry and full of angst? Shouldn’t I just be happy and thankful that Jolibee and McDo are now out of business? And KFC, too? Okay, we’re humans now, so where do our women lay their eggs now, in a nest or in a hospital?”

But no, Jake and his gang are always serious and seem always ready to gouge one man’s eyes out. Almost all the chickens in the story are super-smart but no one seems to realize the absurdity of their situation.

My favorite parts of the novel are the first few pages of Chapter One where Jake can be seen fantasizing on a sexy starlet named Anna Rosie and then applying for a job in which he was rejected. Jake’s witty and sarcastic here, spewing out funny but socially relevant lines. He ends up being mauled by human employees of the company. But the moment he’s called to his sick father’s side, lines and scenes like these disappeared. The novel shifted to being a heavy melodrama.

It is always hard to empathize with characters who complain a lot and are bitter and sad almost 24/7 especially when they’re chickens (there is a scene in Chapter One where Jake is seen berating an apologetic and polite woman who accidentally sat on him inside a bus while another chicken character named Joseph tries to kill the man who’s protecting and taking care of them). It’s a different thing if all the characters in the novel are chickens or animals. Jake complains of racism, that he’s not being treated equally because he’s a chicken but he’s forgetting the fact that his brother Francis ( a chicken like Jake) is a superstar in showbusiness and is admired and respected by many people.

I love dark characters. I can love a character that considers commiting sucide whenever he eats breakfast and ponders about murdering his enemies while he lulls himself to sleep at night but only when he’s human.

You also got a lot of suspension of disbelief thing to do while reading the novel. I can’t get over the fact that Jake’s species are just chickens (okay, they talk, they argue, they blackmail, they terrorize, they’re not ordinary chickens but they’re still chickens) and yet the whole world instantly claimed them as fellow humans. Jake’s sister, another chicken named May even got engaged to a human, a young doctor. And yes, they are planning to get married and it disturbs me. How are they going to make love? Will the chicken bride require a foreplay? But how do you perform a foreplay on a chicken? Will the chicken wife give birth to an egg or a human baby? I know that Gerry’s tongue was firmly planted in his cheek while writing that part but it did not come out humorous.

The chickens became intelligent in the story but it did not say that the humans’ IQ was downgraded. The chicken-loving doctor in the story is sane. I am one hundred and one percent sure that no rational human being (in real world or in movies) is going to fall in love with a chicken no matter how smart and articulate this chicken is.

A man is only going to fall in love with a chicken when it’s dressed, deep-fried and with a few bottles of beer beside it.

A lot of people abstained from eating pork after watching the movie Babe. I know of some people who temporarily stopped hunting and killing rats after seeing the film Ratatouille. A friend of mine stopped eating spiders after watching Spider-Man. But I will continue eating chicken after reading Elmer, be it adobo or tinola.

Of course, I will still be eagerly waiting for future Gerry Alanguilan’s works and will search for his old works.

KOMIKON 2008

2008-11-24T00:17:00.000-08:00

Kasama ang mga kaibigan kong sina Ronald Tabuzo, Mars Alvir, Arman Francisco at Jeff Ong ay nagtungo ako at nakigulo sa Komikon 2008 na ginanap noong Sabado, ika-22 ng Nobyembre, 2008 sa UP Bahay Ng Alumni sa UP Diliman. Sangkaterbang tao (kailangan mo laging makiraan tuwing gagalaw ka) at sangkatutak na komiks ang dinatnan namin.

Nakita kong muli ang mga mukhang ilang taon ko na ring hindi nakikita na lagi kong kasalamuha noong kasagsagan pa ng pangmasang komiks.

Entrance Ng VenuePart of Komikon Crowd

(The Now-Disbanded) The Hunks
From Left To Right: Mars, Aldo Jumawan, Ronald, Lui Antonio & Ariel Padilla

Jeff, Mars, Ronald, Arman Are Annoyed When The Photographer Blocked Their View of The Voluptuous Woman Wearing A Skimpy Attire

Dingdong Dant-, er, Me, Ronald & Mars
Randy Valiente's Happy To See His Idols, The Hunks Jeff, Novo Malgapo & KC Cordero Are Thinking of Ways To Beat Up

The Photographer

Gerry Alanguilan Signing My Elmer Comix
Lan Medina Signing My Twilight Comix
The Elmer & Sandata Comix (By Gener Pedrina) I Bought

The Samahang Kartunista Ng Pilipinas Book, Paradigm & Twilight Comix I Bought

Mag-aalas-sais na nang hapon nang makaalis kami. Pagdating nang alas-otso nang gabi ay nakikipagbuno na kami sa mga boteng may lamang alkohol sa tahanan ni Jeff habang pinag-uusapan ang ilang pangyayari sa matagumpay na Komikon 2008 at ang isang proyektong kasalukuyan naming pinagkakaabalahan.

KUNG KAYA NILA, MAS KAYA NG PINOY!

2008-11-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

ITALY

GERMANY

HONGKONG

INDONESIA

MALAYSIA

CHINA

KOREA

PHILIPPINES

JOC, JOC, JOC! :)

THE MAYOR WHO LOVES HIS OFFICE TOO MUCH

2008-11-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

I read something in the newspaper today that made me wince and chuckle at the same time.

Mayor Jojo Binay of Makati intends to run for president in 2010.

Maybe, he was just joking or it’s probably just a strategy (meaning he really wants to run for vice-president or senator but is touting himself as a presidential material. Iisipin nga naman ng masa ‘pag bumaba na siya bilang kandidato sa pagkasenador, ‘Aba, si Binay, e, pang-presidente utak niyan kaya siguradong magiging magaling na senador ‘yan’) or a bargaining chip (“Hey, let me run as your VP and I will be a martyr and sacrifice my noble dream of being a president.”

A lot of people say that Binay is a good public servant and he probably is (although there are allegations of corruption against him) but I don’t know, I always sense that something is terribly wrong with him as a politician. He seems obsessed with power.

More than twenty years ago, he used to march in the streets, denouncing Marcos, the rotten dictator. He was with the likes of Rene Saguisag, Wigberto Tañada and Joker Arroyo. They were of consensus that Marcos, aside from the fact that he had terribly messed up the country, was overstaying in Malacañang. Nagkakaisa sila sa pagsasabing walang pulitiko o opisyal ng gobyerno ang may karapatan na magtagal sa posisiyon nito kahit pa napakagaling ng pulitikong ito. Every official should always welcome and encourage change and new ideas. They were also vigorously denouncing nepotism in the government.

Binay was elected Mayor of Makati in 1988 and according to Wikipedia, he was reelected in 1992 and 1995 and in 2001 and and 2004 and in 2007. He became the mayor of Makati in 1988 and it’s now 2008 and he’s still the mayor of Makati. That’s how many years? Let me compute it. Ahhm, 2008 minus 1988 equals… ahhm… carry one, then e=mc2, then dibaydibay it by… hmmn (wipes sweat), that’s nineteen years. He had been in power for nineteen long years. Of course, his wife interrupted him and served as Makati mayor in 1998 up to 2001 but she’s also a Binay.

It’s also a given that one of his offsprings (one of them is a congressman and another, a councilor) will succeed Binay in Makati. I won’t be surprised if few years from now, Makati City will change its name to Binay City. Of course, Binay supporters will be quick to say that it’s the people who keep voting him back to office. But whatever happened to the idea of welcoming change and new ideas? Siya lang ba ang may kakayahang mag-mayor sa Makati? And he’s probably winning because the incumbent always has the edge over his opponents. And why is it the he seems scared to let go of power? Is he afraid that Makati would crash without him? Or is he afraid that he would crash without Makati? Jeez, Makati didn’t really soar with him at the helm.

Binay’s supporters are saying that Makati is what it is now (meaning rich and successful like Binay) because of him. That’s not accurate of course, as long as the Zobels, the Ayalas, the Mendozas, err, the big businessmen are in the city, Makati will always be rich irregardless of who their mayor is.

Wait, somebody’s telling me that I’m really stupid in Math. 2008 minus 1988 is equal to 20.

So what’s my point? My point is, baka kapag naupo sa Malakanyang itong si Binay, e, baka hindi na ito tumayo. Baka kapag hindi na niya kayang magpresidente dahil sa katandaan ay papalitan naman siya ng kanyang anak na papalitan naman ng kanyang apo na papalitan naman ng anak ng kanyang apo na papalitan naman ng anak ng anak ng kanyang apo na papalitan naman ng…

The Philippine’s Barack Obama, that’s Binay according to his supporters.

Barack Obama? Barok Obama siguro.

THE DOCTOR, UNLIKE THE CUSTOMER, IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

2008-11-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

My mother was being treated then for a tumor when her doctor discovered that she was pregnant. Immediately, she was advised to take the baby out (“It’s not yet a baby, not yet a human being so it’s not bad to take it out,” the doctor argued.)

My mother’s pregnancy must be stopped because it was highly likely that it would aggravate her condition and kill her and the baby or she'd give birth to a disfigured or abnormal baby or worse, she would give birth to a dead baby.

My mom asked for a second, third opinion and the verdict was that she should abort the pregnancy at once. It was as if she was carrying Rosemary’s baby. There’s nothing to be guilty of, the doctors assured her. Anyway, you already have three kids and you have to be safe to take care of them. My parents (bless their souls) were then ready to throw in the towel and heed the advice of the doctors when my grandmother stepped into the picture. “You will carry on with your pregnancy, they (the doctors) are not God, we will talk to the real God. We’ll pray and beg the Sto. Niño to take care of you and your baby,” she told my mom.

Don’t entrust your life to people who ask for money after giving you advice, my grandma said.

My grandmother was our family’s version of Don Vito Corleone (meaning what she says regarding the family stays) so off we all knelt and prayed to the Sto. Niño. My mom’s doctors were aghast with her decision to go on with the pregnancy. They were certain that it would be disastrous.

Then came the D-day.

My mom gave birth to a healthy baby girl. And not only that, the pesky tumor that’s been pestering her miraculously disappeared right after our bunso was born. She probably brought the tumor out with her. Suddenly, our mother was well. The doctors were dumbfounded but were very happy to see the baby.

Our bunso was christened Maria Theresa but we all call her Niña. She grew up to be a smart, polite, pretty and healthy girl. She topped her nursery and kindergarten classes. She graduated salutatorian in elementary, finished high school in just three years and at nineteen, was already working in one of the biggest banks in the country.

She married her first boyfriend (a college professor) and they now have a seven year old precocious son.

She continues to be a source of light and happiness for our family and we all dearly love her.

And she is celebrating her birthday today.

THIS SCENE MADE ME JUMP OUT OF MY SEAT AND HIT MY HEAD ON THE CEILING

2008-10-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

Horror movies are always in during this time of the year, when spirits of the dead roam the streets and enter your house to see what’s inside your refrigerator. Ghosts are always hungry and thirsty and are always on the lookout for some chocolates. Ghosts, so they say, love chocolates. We can’t afford to stock chocolates in our ref so our house is always ghost-free.

Hey, I forgot, we don’t have a refrigerator.

One scary movie you can buy or rent is The Ring (the Hollywood remake, not the Japanese original). It probably is one of the scariest movies ever made. I uploaded here its most bloodcurdling scene, the one that involves a girl named Sadako coming out of a well and a TV set.

But do you know that the scene above has another version? The other version is said to be more terrifying. Luckily, I found it. You can watch it below. Sadako, indeed, is one of the creepiest movie characters ever written.

Wait, our landline phone is ringing.

A HALLOWEEN STORY

2008-10-28T01:04:00.000-07:00

BABALA: Huwag basahin ang sumusunod na kuwento kung matatakutin ka at may sakit sa puso.

“Anak ng..!” nagmumurang himutok ni Dave ng mabigo pa rin siyang paandarin ang tumirik niyang kotse. Brand new 'to, ano ang magiging problema nito? tanong niya sa sarili habang lumalabas.

Mag-aala-una na ng madaling-araw. Nasa ilang na lugar siya, walang kabahayan sa paligid, puro patay na puno ang nakikita niya at walang nagdaraang sasakyan. Ang bilog na buwan ay parang napakalapit at abot-kamay lamang niya, nakasisilaw ang liwanag nito. Parang napakahiwaga ng lugar na kinaroroonan niya. Parang anumang oras ay mabibiyak ang aspaltadong kalsadang kinatutuntungan niya at magluluwa ng sari-saring diyablo at halimaw upang gutayin at pagsalu-saluhan ang katawan niya.

Sisilipin sana niya ang makina ng sasakyan niya ng magitla siya…

Isang matandang lalake ang nakita niyang nakatayo sa likuran niya at nakatingin sa kanya. Nakasuot ito ng puti ngunit marusing na barong tagalog. May hawak itong isang libro sa kanang kamay at lumang attache case sa kaliwa. Payat ito at kulubot na ang mukha at ang mga mata ay nagpapahiwatig ng maraming gabing hindi pagkakatulog.

Iniabot nito sa kanya ang libro. “Makatutulong sa ‘yo ang librong ‘yan upang ligtas na mapalipas mo ang gabing ito sa lugar na ito,” wika sa kanya ng matanda. Malamig, tila nanggagaling sa hukay ang tinig nito. Kung magsasalita siguro ang isang taong patay ay ganoon ang boses na maririnig niya. May mga nakakapit na lupa sa suot nitong barong at may nakita siyang mga uod na gumagapang sa ugating kamay nito.

May nginig ang mga kamay na kinuha niya ang libro. “S-Salamat po…” garalgal ang boses na sabi niya.

“Isang libong piso ang halaga ng librong ‘yan,” wika ng matanda.

Saglit siyang nalito bago niya naintindihan na ipinagbibili ng matanda ang libro. Agad siyang naglabas ng isang libong piso sa kanyang pitaka at iniabot sa matanda.

“Binabalaan kita, huwag mong titingnan ang huling pahina ng librong ‘yan kung ayaw mong magsisi,” wika ng matanda sa nakapangingilabot nitong boses. “Huwag na huwag mong titingnan ang huling pahina.”

Pinagmasdan niya ang libro. Malikmata: Mga Tunay Na Kuwentong Galing Sa Hukay ang titulo nito at marahil ay may isandaang pahina. Pagbalik niya ng tingin sa lugar ng matanda ay wala na ito. Nanlalaki ang ulo at nanlalamig ang pakiramdam na dali-dali siyang bumalik sa loob ng sasakyan niya. Ngunit nabigo pa rin siyang paandarin ito.

Bitbit pa rin ang libro na lumabas siya ng sasakyan at naglakad-lakad. Isang luma at maliit na sementeryo ang nadaanan niya. Bisperas na nga pala ng undas ngayon, komento niya sa sarili nang mapansin na ilan sa mga puntod ay may nakatirik na mga may sinding kandila.

Muntik na siyang mapalundag sa pagkagulat sa sumunod na nakita…

Ang matandang lalake.

Nakaupo ito sa ibabaw ng isang nitso, suot pa rin ang marusing na barong tagalog, nakaakbay ito sa krus na nakapatong sa puntod, gumagapang patungo sa katawan nito ang maraming uod na nagmumula sa maliit na butas ng nitso. Umiwas ng tingin sa kanya ang matanda. Ang libingan ba na kinauupuan nito ay pag-aari nito?

Nagpatuloy siya sa mabilis na paglalakad hanggang sa isang otel ang nakita niya. Pumasok siya rito at umupa ng isang kuwarto.

Pagpasok sa silid ay ipinatong niya sa mesa ang libro at naligo, pilit inaalis sa pamamagitan ng malamig na tubig ang magkakahalong kaba, pagkalito at takot na nararamdaman.

Sinubukan niyang matulog pagkaraang maligo ngunit hindi niya magawa. Dinampot niya ang itim na libro at binuklat-buklat. Mga kuwentong lubhang nakakatakot at nakakapangilabot ang laman nito. Lalo lamang binalot ng masidhing takot ang buo niyang pagkatao. Nabitiwan niya ang libro ng wala sa oras, sa umaga na lamang niya ito babasahin.

Nanungaw siya at nagsindi ng sigarilyo. Natigilan siya sa nakita sa labas ng otel. Nakita niya ang matandang lalake habang iniaabot ang parehong libro sa isang babae. Nakita niya ng maglabas ang babae ng isang libong piso at iabot sa matandang lalake.

Nabasa niya ang mga salitang lumabas mula sa bibig ng matandang lalake habang kausap ang babae: Huwag na huwag mong titingnan ang huling pahina kung ayaw mong magsisi!

Pagkaraan niyon ay nagmamadaling naglakad palayo ang matandang lalake hanggang sa lamunin ito ng dilim.

Ibinalik ni Dave ang tingin sa babae, may katabaan ito at nasa limampu na marahil ang edad. Nakita niyang pinagmamasdan nito ang libro. Umakma itong susulyapan ang huling pahina...

“Huwag!” mula sa bintana ay sigaw niya sa babae.

Ngunit huli na, nasulyapan na ng babae ang huling pahina ng misteryosong libro.

Nakita niyang nandilat ang babae, may rumehistrong matinding pagkasindak sa mukha nito. Pagkasindak na agad napalitan ng ekspresyon ng matinding pagkamuhi. Maya-maya pa ay nasapo nito ang dibdib nito, tumirik ang mga mata, kuminig ang buong katawan nito, tinangka nitong humakbang papasok sa otel ngunit ilang hakbang lang ay bumagsak na ito.

Natatarantang pinagkaguluhan ito ng mga tao sa paligid habang kumikisay at bumubula ang bibig. Ang bilog na buwan ay tila lalo pang lumapit sa lupa, tila gustong matitigan ng husto ang nangyayari sa babae.

Kumakalabog ang dibdib at nanlalamig ang buong katawan na napaatras siya mula sa bintana. Parang sasabog ang ulo niya. Sino ang matandang lalaking iyon? Ano ang matandang iyon? Kasapakat ba nito ang buwan? Nasulyapan uli niya ang librong itim sa mesa. Ano ang nasa huling pahina nito? Nilapitan niya ang libro at may nginig ang mga daliring dinampot niya ito. Pilit niyang nilalabanan ang sumisidhing tukso na sulyapan niya ang huling pahina nito.

Hanggang sa manaig ang tukso at sinulyapan na niya ang huling pahina ng libro.

Nandilat ang mga mata niya at malakas na napahiyaw sa pangingilabot at panggigipuspos.

Ang nakalagay sa huling pahina ng libro, ang ayaw ipakita sa kanya ng matandang lalake...

National Bookstore
Mga Tunay Na Kuwentong…

P 80.00

THESE SONGS WILL MAKE YOU JUMP FROM THE ROOFTOP OF A TALL BUILDING DUE TO UNPARALLELED LONELINESS

2008-10-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

"All the lonely people,
Where do they all come from ?
All the lonely people,
Where do they all belong?"

Every time I enter a music forum, I always stumble upon a thread that lists what the members think are the saddest or most depressing songs for them. The song that always gets mentioned is Gloomy Sunday. A song that has driven a lot of people to commit sucide, or so they say.

Most of the songs I listen to, I’m starting to notice, are quite sad so maybe I should also make my list of saddest/most depressing songs, too.

So here’s my list of imported songs (I will probably tackle local songs next time; I don't know why but my friend says that any song by Judy Ann Santos and Piolo Pascual is depressing) that will either convince you to jump from the rooftop of a twenty-two storey building or drink three glasses of Baygon insecticide after eating a mouthful of Racumin. Yes, this world is such a lonely place.

10. LAST KISS by PEARL JAM – This song is about a guy driving his car with his girlfriend. They met an accident and while his girlfriend was dying inside their wrecked car, he gave her his last kiss.

9. WISH YOU WERE HERE by PINK FLOYD – Syd Barrett, Pink Floyd’s founder, became mentally deranged while the band was just starting. The band dedicated this song to him. But you can also interpret the song as about someone being abandoned by his/her beloved who is seeking greener pastures. Yup, you can dedicate this song to an OFW loved one. Great song.

8. ONE by METALLICA – A soldier, severely injured in war, is wishing for death while he is confined in a hospital, begging God to let him die.

7. SEASONS IN THE SUN by NIRVANA – This sad song (about a death row convict saying bye-bye to his loved ones) became more sad and heartbreaking when Nirvana covered it. It was as if Kurt Cobain was saying goodbye to the world through this song.

6. ME AND A GUN by TORI AMOS – Tori, who will always be on my list of world’s most beautiful women, was raped while a gun was pointed at her. She tells that tragic incident through this a cappella song.

5. THE BLOWER'S DAUGHTER by DAMIEN RICE – Another song that tells of a true event, Damien Rice, while trying to learn to play flute, fell in love with his teacher’s daughter. Obviously, what he felt was unrequited. Probably the saddest love song, what with Rice’s tormented vocals.

4. PLEASE, PLEASE, LET ME GET WHAT I WANT by THE SMITHS – Most of The Smiths’ songs need Prozac but this is certainly one of their most depressing. "For once in my life, let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time,” Morrissey sings.

3. ELEANOR RIGBY by THE BEATLES – The most popular ode-to-loneliness song. An immortal song.

2. NO SURPRISES by RADIOHEAD – Radiohead is another group that creates mostly depressing songs. This song is about someone who’s had enough of heartaches, disappointments and bad government and is now thinking of committing suicide. Fantastic song, this is.

And the most depressing song of all time for me:

1. ALONE AGAIN NATURALLY – by GILBERT O’ SULLIVAN – The song’s about a man who, after being stood up in a church by his would-be-bride, is now thinking of killing himself by climbing up a building and throwing himself off from the rooftop. The man, who now doubts if God really exists, also recalls other sad events in his life like the death of his father which led to his mother’s depression and eventual death. This song’s a certified depressant. Don’t listen to it when you’re depressed, it will depress you more, especially when you’re drunk.

I can still remember one 'funny' incident that involves this song which happened a few weeks after my mother passed away. I was in an FX taxi when this song started playing from the car stereo. Instantly, I got teary-eyed. I was almost weeping when the song reached the part where the singer was singing about his deceased parents, I had to cover my face with my handkerchief so the other passengers would not know that I was crying. And I'm not really an emotional person. Like the mother in the song, my mother got depressed and sickly when my father died. My mom being sick was our family’s most difficult time...

Chocolates, they say, is a great anti-depressant.

ALL ABOUT STRESS!

2008-10-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

Are you completely stressed-out? This can probably help you de-stress.

The photo above did not work? Do you still suffer from work-related stress? Do you want to find out if it’s time to file for a well-deserved vacation leave?

I am not sure how this exactly works but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before you scroll down to look at the picture.

The picture below has two identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels in several US hospitals. This test has been used to treat some famous personalities (well-respected politicians and celebrities like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Jackson) for some stress-related illnesses.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.

I REPEAT, THE TWO DOLPHINS IN THE PHOTO BELOW ARE COMPLETELY IDENTICAL.

A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins. The more differences a person finds between the two dolphins below, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences, you may want to take a vacation from your job and rest. You should rest, no question about it. Go to Boracay and stare at the sea, it’s relaxing, although staring at some bikini-clad babes there is more relaxing. Or if you, like me, can’t afford to travel, stay at home and listen to some soothing music.

ATTACHMENT: They say that having a pet is a good stress-reliever. I agree, especially if your pet can sing like the one in this Pink Floyd video.

MGA ULO SA HUKAY (Last Part)

2008-10-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Here's the last part of the story. I'll try to post another one soon.

POSTSCRIPT: Another glimpse of Rick. CAREFUL WITH THAT AXE, EUGENE video. Absolutely trippy.

AND HERE'S SOME BAD NEWS...

2008-10-07T23:20:00.000-07:00

Seventeen years ago, Maureen Hultman, 16 years old, Roland John Chapman, 21 and Jussi Olavi Leino, 24, were returning home from a party when they were accosted and confronted by Claudio Teehankee Jr, 45. Teehankee, who was unknown to the three, demanded some identification. Leino took out his wallet and showed Teehankee an ID. Chapman approached them and asked Teehankee: “Why are you bothering us?”

Teehankee drew out his gun and shot Chapman in the chest. “Why did you shoot me?” Chapman asked Teehankee as he was crumpling to the ground. Chapman died on the spot. Teehankee then ordered the now hysterical Hultman and Leino to sit together on the sidewalk. While seated, unarmed and begging for mercy, the two were gunned down by Teehankee.

Hultman was killed while Leino survived and later identified Teehankee as the gunman. The nation was enraged with that senseless crime and demanded that the death penalty be restored. Teehankee was sentenced to one count of reclusion perpetua (ranging from 20-40 years) and two counts of reclusion temporal (12-20 years)

After serving almost 14 years, Teehankee, now 62, son and namesake of the late former Chief Justice Claudio Teehankee, is now a free man again after President Gloria Arroyo granted him an an executive clemency. He got out of National Bilibid Prison last Friday, October 3, 2008, shortly before midnight.

Isn’t this insane?

Kung isang makatarungang pamahalaan ang nagpapatakbo sa ating bansa sa ngayon, dapat ay nakakulong pa rin hanggang ngayon itong si Teehankee. No amount of good behavior inside prison can compensate for what he did.

Nakakagulat talaga ang kakapalan at katigasan ng mukha ng mga taong nagpapatakbo ng gobyerno ngayon. The Marcoses would sometimes pale in comparison. The Teehankees are reportedly close to the Arroyos. Sino ang susunod na palalayain? Si Mayor Antonio Sanchez? Sanchez, in my opinion, is one of the most terrifying criminals this country had ever known. Pero hindi na siguro tayo dapat magtaka kung mangyari nga ito.

Look at Erap Estrada, resoundingly kicked in the ass by the people, convicted of plunder last year, sentenced to a life imprisonment. Where is he now? A free man, but of course, courtesy of our beloved president. He is now a statesman, a statesman, I repeat, for those who suffer from dyslexia, dishing out pieces of advice on how to better run the government. Last I heard, he was a speaker in a seminar about how important honesty among government officials is to a thriving government. He also is wont to say in interviews that if the opposition will not find a worthy presidentiable by 2010, he might be forced to run as president.

Probably with Jinggoy as his vice-president.

“The horror… the horror…”

Colonel Walter E. Kurtz’s last words in the movie Apocalypse Now

MGA ULO SA HUKAY #3

2008-10-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

Another installment of a small diversion to keep your mind off the two crises that are threatening to bring the global economy down and start another world war: the financial crisis of the great US of A and the quarrel between Cristy Fermin and Nadia Montenegro.

TO BE CONTINUED

ATTACHMENT: Another tribute to Rick. A very early Pink Floyd video, LET THERE BE MORE LIGHT. Dave, the lead guitarist/vocalist, kinda resembles Milla Jovovich here.

MGA ULO SA HUKAY #2

2008-10-02T10:30:00.000-07:00

TO BE CONTINUED

ADDENDUM: Another look at Rick. SAUCERFUL OF SECRETS VIDEO. One of my favorite Pink Floyd videos. A very mellow, very soothing and relaxing song and video. :)

MGA ULO SA HUKAY Part 1

2008-09-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Pampalipas-oras.

ITUTULOY

PANINGIT: Isa pang nagmamahal na sulyap kay Rick Wright. Kasama niya ritong nagtatanghal si David Gilmour (gitarista ng Pink Floyd). Breakthrough video .

ANOTHER BRICK OUT OF THE WALL

2008-09-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

" And if you want to stay for a little bit,
Rest your aching limbs for a little bit,
Before you, the night is beckoning,
And you know you can't delay,
You hear the night birds calling you,
But you can't touch the restless sky,
Close your aching eye... "

The Narrow Way by Pink Floyd

I really didn’t want to put this in here because I know it’d make me a little sad everytime I’d see this here...

Rick Wright, keyboardist for Pink Floyd, died in his London home last Monday, September 15, 2008, after a short battle with cancer. He was 65. Rick was always considered as the most unassuming member of the legendary rock band. He was very shy, down-to-earth and gentle, one who always avoided the media. He was so quiet that few people knew he had cancer until his demise. The media didn't know he was stricken with cancer. He wrote the tracks The Great Gig In The Sky ( a song abouth death) and Us And Them ( a song about war and how the small, ordinary people, including the low-ranked soldiers--not the rich, powerful ones, not the generals who initiate or control the war-- suffer terribly from it) for the classic album Dark Side Of The Moon, one of the highest selling albums of all time (more than 40 million copies sold and still counting) and considered by many as the greatest album in rock history.

Rest in peace, Mr. Wright.

US AND THEM

Us and Them
And after all we're only ordinary men
Me and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do
"Forward!" he cried from the rear and the front rank died
And the General sat, and the lines on the map moved from side to side
Black and Blue
And who knows which is which and who is who
Up and Down
And in the end it's only round and round and round
"Haven't you heard it's a battle of words?" the poster bearer cried
"Listen son," said the man with the gun
"There's room for you inside..."
Down and Out
It can't be helped but there's a lot of it about
With, without
And who'll deny it's what the fightings all about
"Out of the way, it's a busy day
And I've got things on my mind!"
For want of the price of tea and a slice
The old man died

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

2008-09-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

Here's a moving video commemorating the 9/11 tragedy featuring Pink Floyd's Goodbye Blue Sky (a song from the 1979 double-album The Wall). Written almost three decades ago, the song (especially the line spoken by a child at the start) eerily fits the video.

Goodbye Blue Sky by Pink Floyd

"Look mummy, there's an aeroplane up in the sky"

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the
promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue
sky?

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on.

Goodbye, blue sky
Goodbye, blue sky.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.

ADAM AND EVE

2008-09-07T23:23:00.000-07:00

We should be thankful God didn't create Adam this way. If God did, it's either men would not walk the earth or Eve would be forced to make out with the treacherous snake and the result would have been disastrous.

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

2008-08-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

“Instant Karma's gonna get you

Gonna knock you right on the head

You better get yourself together

Pretty soon you're gonna be dead

What in the world you thinking of

Laughing in the face of love

What on earth you tryin' to do,

it's up to you, yeah you…”

"Instant Karma" by John Lennon

Few days ago, I was listening to a friend talked about his personal problems and frustrations (which included his failure to watch Rick Astley’s Manila concert, the failure of the Philippines to get even a single Olympic medal and the early retirement of his fave porn star from the business) when he blurted out these words, “Naka-karma na yata ‘ko, pre.”

I tried to assuage his hurt by telling him that the Philippines would definitely bounce back and get lots of gold medals when the Olympics finally decided to include graft and corruption events. And as for Rick Astley, well, we still have Roderick Astl-, err, Paulate.

That wasn’t the first time I heard that word (karma) that day. Few minutes before I talked to my friend, I was with a cousin who told me, “Magu-good karma ka niyan, kuya,” after I lent him a small amount of money.

“’Pag binayaran mo agad ako, ‘yon ang good karma ko,” I kidded him.

I am really not a religious person nor a superstitious person but I do believe in karma.

Karma’s tenet, basically is, “if you do good things, good things will happen to you, If you do bad things , bad things will happen to you. The severity of the result of your actions depends on your motivation and intention.”

A brutal interpretation of a person on how karma operates happened a few years ago. A man in his 30s was bobbitized (meaning the proof of his being a man was cut off; remember John Bobbit?). As this man was agonizing in his hospital bed, the news program’s camera showed his wife, already at police custody, and was asked how she was feeling. The wife (who still looked angry and disgusted) showed no compunction. “Karma niya ‘yan, “ the wife told the reporter. “Babaero kasi ‘yan, harap-harapang ipinapakita sa ‘kin ang pambababae niya.”

I then wondered, if that was the fate that was reserved for lalaking babaero, ano ngayon ang karma na naghihintay sa mga babaing lalakero?

“Somebody will sew shut their…”

I stopped my friend before he could finish his unpalatable statement.

You can’t hurt other people intentionally and expect to be showered with rewards and good lucks. That’s not how karma works. Don’t expect to get away with murder. You can’t. You can run but someone or something will eventually catch up with you. Don’t expect yourself to be happy and your life smooth-sailing when you’ve just cheated somebody and cruelly stepped on his/her face.

Pull somebody down and somebody will not only pull you down but throw you off a ravine. Scheme to make someone fail and others will scheme for you to not only fail but lose your sanity. Steal something and other people will steal not only your property but your soul. Treacherously break somebody’s heart into two and somebody will break your heart into a million pieces.

What you sow, you reap.

What goes around, comes around.

Every action has a consequence.

Don’t friggin think your bad deeds and past sins won’t haunt you and torment you.

It will.

Right, John?

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

A CINEMATIC GENIUS NAMED CHARLIE

2008-08-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

Afflicted with sudden attack of diligence, I was tidying up my ‘extensive’ collection of DVDs in my cabinet a few days ago when I chanced upon this Charlie Chaplin movie, The Circus. Napanood ko na ito pero sa kawalan ng magawa at dahil nakalimutan ko na kung ano ang kuwento ng pelikula, pinanood ko uli. Namalayan ko na lang ang sarili ko na walang patumanggang humahalakhak sa maraming eksena ng pelikula. Chaplin’s tightrope act (which happened near the end of the movie) was still very, very funny. Kung may sakit ka sa puso at delikado sa iyo ang tumawa ng todo, iwasan mo ang eksenang ito. After watching the movie, I rushed back to my collection of original (eeww!) DVDs and searched for other Chaplin movies. I found three more. The Great Dictator ( a movie that criticized Hitler who at that time was still in power; a very valiant move from Chaplin), Limelight and Monsieur Verdoux. I watched all of them again and I was vastly entertained again. Chaplin wrote, produced and directed most of his films. My great fascination with this very funny actor was certainly reawakened.

These four movies(which are all talkies except for The Circus) are all great but Charlie Chaplin’s greatest and most revered films, no doubt, are City Lights and Modern Times, which are both silent films and unfortunately are not in my collection. Pero napanood ko na ang mga ito. At kung gusto n’yong mapanood ang mga ito dahil nabubuwisit kayo sa mga bagong comedy films (local and imported) na hindi naman talaga nakakatawa at iniinsulto ang talino ninyo bilang manonood pero wala kayong panahong gumala upang maghanap ng kopya nito, puwede ninyong mapanood (putul-putol nga lang) ang dalawang klasikong pelikulang ito sa Youtube. Sangkaterba na ang nagnakaw ng eksena at ideya mula sa dalawang pelikulang ito pero nananatiling kahanga-hanga, hindi naluluma at sobrang nakakatawa pa rin ang mga ito. You can watch City Lights here and Modern Times here. City Lights has Chaplin’s lovable Little Tramp character falling in love with a blind flower vendor while Modern Times has Chaplin going bonkers over his stressful job at a steel factory. City Lights has one of the funniest (if not the funniest) sequences (the boxing scene) in film history. Its ending (wherein he and the girl, whose eyesight he helped restore, met again) is also considered as one of the most touching movie endings of all time.

Modern Times, on the other hand, will show you where Michael Jackson got his inspiration for his celebrated moonwalk dancestep. Look out for the scene where Chaplin’s auditioning to be a singing and dancing waiter. The scene where he picked up a harmless red flag and inadvertently joined a communist parade is also very funny. Chaplin’s facial reactions are always priceless. In real life, Chaplin would be accused of being a communist and would be forced out of his country. Some ideas in his films were then considered critical of government.

But then, real artists are always critical of a bad government.

LARO SA DILIM (Last Part)

2008-08-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

'Hope you enjoyed this one. I'll be posting another story soon, probably with Lan Medina also.

LARO SA DILIM #5

2008-08-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

TO BE CONCLUDED

LARO SA DILIM #4

2008-08-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

TO BE CONTINUED

“MY BOYFRIEND WON’T KISS ME, HE LOVES MARIAH CAREY SONGS AND ENVIES MY BARBIE DOLLS COLLECTION. IS HE GAY?”

2008-08-11T23:34:00.000-07:00

Do you read advice columns? Below is a very funny joke about it.

Dear Mike:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more
than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom
with a lady neighbor making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my
husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I
confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an
affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job
six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed
and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the
ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get
through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila The Problematic

Dear Sheila The Problematic:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips
holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself
is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
Mike

The title of the joke above is Why Men Can’t Write Advice Column. Are men really incapable of giving sound and helpful advice? Ahmm, I don’t know but this joke reminded me that I also used to give pieces of advice before. My fascination with advice columns—a good source of story ideas— started when one of my comics editors then asked me to write a serial wherein the illustrated stories to be featured would come from the readers’ real-life-stories. At the end of every story, the writer would dispense advice to the letter sender(ala-Maalala Mo Kaya or Magpakailanman). Aside from that comics serial, I also used to write a humorous advice column wherein funny problems were given funny advice.

The comics serial turned out quite well. Every week, the editor would receive six to eight letters. Some letters were amusing, some were touching, others really sad. Isa sa mga natatandaan kong natanggap na sulat ay galing sa isang teen-ager na babae na nagtatanong kung sino ang dapat niyang seryosohin sa tatlo niyang boyfriends. Inilagay niya sa sulat ang characters ng tatlo niyang boyfriend at kung sino raw ang pipiliin ko sa tatlo ay iyon na rin daw ang pipiliin niya. “Modesty enough,” she said in a cross-bred English, “I’m very pretty.” She included a photo of her in her mail and yes, she really was very pretty. Iyong mga sulat na hindi puwedeng i-publish ay sinasagot ko pa rin at ako mismo ang naghuhulog ng sulat. At that time, Internet/e-mail, though it already existed, was still alien to a lot of people.

Yes, I think men can be very good listeners and can give good pieces of advice. Hindi lahat ng lalake, ‘pag sinabihan mo ng problema mo, ang sasabihin sa ‘yo ay “Kulang ka lang sa inom, tara, inom tayo!” (Though I’m guilty of this sometimes. Beer, one of the world’s greatest inventions, no doubt, is one great problem solver, albeit temporarily.) They say that the perfect mate is one who knows how to listen and who knows what to say after you’re through talking. Kahit pa wala namang kawawaan at puro kababawan ang sinasabi mo. They say that a friend/boyfriend/husband who always finds time to listen to your problems intently no matter how trivial it is and who afterwards gives good advice is a friend/boyfriend/husband who truly cares.

Re the title of this post, someone really asked me that question, seeking an advice.

My reply was: "Sadly, yes, your boyfriend is gay. Moreso, if he lip-synchs a Mariah Carey song whenever he hears one. Don’t believe him when he denies it. Churva lang ‘yong mga anik-anik na sasabihin niya. Dump him and find someone who loves action figures of wrestlers instead."

LARO SA DILIM #3

2008-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

TO BE CONTINUED

LARO SA DILIM #2

2008-08-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Nag-uuulan kaya hindi na muna ako tumatanggap ng labada, may oras tuloy ako para maiposte ang ikalawang bahagi na ito ng Laro Sa Dilim.

TO BE CONTINUED

LARO SA DILIM #1

2008-08-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

Ito iyong isa pa sa mga kuwentong naisulat ko noon sa komiks. "Laro Sa Dilim" ang pamagat nito at iginuhit din ni Lan Medina. Marami-rami itong pahina kaya five-six (hulugan) uli ang gagawin kong pagpoposte ng scans. Marami pa sana 'kong mas gustong ilagay na kuwento ko noon sa komiks dito kaya lang hindi ko ma-scan dahil naka-bookbind. Harinawa'y mapagtiyagaan n'yo ang kuwentong ito.

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SERIAL KILLER

2008-07-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

Are you fascinated by serial killers? Do you, in some quirky way, admire Hannibal Lecter and that you have been dreaming of having his autographed picture (which he signed, of course, with the blood of his latest victim)? Have you been fantasizing darkly of stalking some of these criminally-corrupt, philandering, useless politicians, slashing their necks and dumping their dead bodies on a shark-infested sea? Have you been harboring dark thoughts of quietly entering the abode of your drug-pushing neighbor, cracking his skull open with a hammer then leaving the crime scene without a single piece of evidence? But you’re just mightily afraid to do it because you know that crime doesn't pay and you’ve heard that food in prison is terrible and that goodlooking and fair-skinned guys like you are worshipped and adored like Playboy Playmates there?

Then you should meet Dexter, he'll gladly fulfill your wishes.

Dexter is a wonderful crime/drama/dark comedy TV series that airs on cable channel Fox Crime. Dexter Morgan (brilliantly played by Michael Hall of Six Feet Under) is a vigilante who stalks and murders serial killers. Yes, he is a serial killer who kills serial killers. Dexter works as a blood-spatter expert (his dream job since he’s fascinated with blood) for the Miami Police. He is polite, caring, socially responsible and has a soft spot for children. He is also a loner who doesn't fall in love and who doesn't like sex and intimacy.

Season 3 of Dexter will air this September. DVD of Season 1 and Season 2 can now be procured from your friendly neighborhood pirates. Grab it and enjoy. And oh, keep the knives away while watching it, especially if you’re with someone who, like Dexter, relishes seeing blood.

THE DIRTIEST CELL PHONE SCANDAL

2008-07-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

Last week, it was reported that a congressman had been urging the congress to pass a new law that would penalize voyeurs who use mobile phones to capture and spread video recordings of sexual acts. Buhay partylist Rep. Irwin Tieng, the bill's proponent, also said that mere possession of cell phone sex scandals should also be punishable by law.

I say it’s about time. These so-called sex scandals have ruined many lives and relationships. We really need a tough law to curb it.

I asked the opinion of a friend regarding this issue. You see, my friend's a sex scandal connoisseur. He compiles, researches and studies sex scandals to expose and denounce its evils. He’s dedicated his life to help this country get rid of this menace. Everyday, from night till morning, he stays awake to watch them with disgust so he would know of ways to stop it and punish its creators. He has watched them all, from Pandesal Scandal (wherein a panadero and a panadera are caught doing it beside the pugon) to Spongebob Scandal (which shows a yuppie and a kolehiyala doing the deed while watching reruns of Spongebob Squarepants.

“Ron, my blood boils with anger everytime I watch these immoral videos,” my friend told me. “It’s a tough job, my eyes are tired, my brain is throbbing, but I’m doing it for the country, especially for the youth.” I admire him. He deserves a parcel of land in the Libingan Ng Bayani and I think he should use it immediately.

I asked him what he thought was the most disgusting, the most revolting sex scandal. And he had a lightning-quick reply. “The Mitsubishi Scandal,” he said. “That scandal makes me sick. It’s repugnant to the core. It shows a couple, both stark naked, doing it on top of a Mitsubishi car, unmindful of the people around them. It came out, I think, in 2006 or 2007. That scandal is so filthy it can give you a disease.”

I asked him to send me a copy of the video but my friend said he had no copy since his PC crashed two weeks ago while he was downloading the Veterinary Clinic Scandal, another repulsive video wherein a veterinarian was caught molesting one of his voluptuous patients. But he was able to save the screenshots of the said scandal. He sent it to me.

So here they are, the screenshots of the most disturbing scandal ever, The Mitsubishi Scandal. Please keep the children away from the monitor:

My friend is now recuperating in the hospital after my other friends (who all eagerly awaited for the screenshots) took turns in mauling him. He won't file charges.

MY MUSE

2008-07-15T00:09:00.000-07:00

I rarely listen to love songs, I dislike them, but this one’s so good I can’t get it out of my head. Makes me sad everytime I listen to it.

UNINTENDED
By Muse

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before

Before you

KAHARIAN NG MGA KALULUWA (Last Part)

2008-07-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

'Hope you enjoyed this one. I'll be posting another one soon, also with Lan Medina.

KAHARIAN NG MGA KALULUWA #3

2008-07-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

KAHARIAN NG MGA KALULUWA #2

2008-07-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

TO BE CONTINUED

KAHARIAN NG MGA KALULUWA #1

2008-07-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

Here's one of the horror stories I made when I was still writing for local comics. This is illustrated by the great Lan Medina (who's now working for popular comics abroad). Marami-rami iyong pahina kaya bumbay style (hulugan) ang gagawin kong pagpoposte ng scans.

TO BE CONTINUED

A SONG THAT CARES AND TOUCHES THE SOUL

2008-07-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

Was in a jeepney when I heard this song, it sounded vaguely familiar, I knew it was an old song, asked the driver its title; he didn't have a clue, got off in front of a mall, went inside, went straight to an ATM, withdrew a small amount, went to the computer and cell phone floor, ogled a nice laptop and some high-end cellphones, all the while softly singing that melodic song, thought of upgrading my cell phone, Nokia 6500 seemed nice, realized it would devastate my lifetime savings, bought a few pieces of blank CD, went to Watsons, bought a box of Rogin-E and a bottle of vitamin C, got a text message, sent a reply, drank a smoothie, put the cup in a trash bin, went inside Booksale, bought a John Grisham book, went inside the supermarket, picked up a few cans of juice, a box of green tea, a box of biscuits, a few de latas, toothpaste, alcohol, etc, etc, still singing that song, went to the cashier, was shocked to see the amount, thought of returning some of the items but was embarrassed to do it, thought of bringing a box of pizza home, realized I got no more money left in my pocket for it, my ATM card was already tired and was begging for mercy to be left alone, went out of the mall, the song was still humming inside my head, reached home, went straight to my room, turned my PC on and searched for the song…

Eureka!

The song is He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother. It was very popular during the 70s and has a lot of versions but I think this 2001 version of Rufus Wainwright is very good. The song was inspired by an article wherein the writer narrated his encounter with a young guy he saw carrying a smaller kid.

“Pretty big load for such a small kid,” the writer told the gaunt kid.

“Why, mister,” the frail kid said, “he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”

HE AIN'T HEAVY, HE'S MY BROTHER

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That lead us to who knows, who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another.

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

DAVID DIAZ, PINAKYAW ANG SUNTOK NI MANNY

2008-06-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

While David Diaz was laying flat on his back, trying to crawl out of the dizzying limbo Manny Pacquiao put him in, I was waiting for Manny to sarcastically address the cheering crowd, not unlike Maximus of the film Gladiator, “Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained?” Then the crowd would shout lustily and crave for more blood and would ask Manny to finish David off by decapitating him.

Although not as violent as the encounters between the gladiators in ancient Rome, boxing is still a very violent sport. You will immediately realize it by just staring at Diaz’s mangled face. No wonder many people are clamoring to have the sport banned.

Hindi raw ba nakakainis na ang isa sa iilang maipagmamalaki ng ating bansa ay kailangang mambugbog at mambasag ng mukha ng ibang tao upang mabigyan lang ng dangal ang ating bansa?

But whaddaheck, Filipinos love boxing. Filipinos love Manny. I’m in love with Manny, err, I love Manny. It’s Ara Mina I’m in love with. Kakaunti pa lang ang nakakakilala kay Pacman at kakaunti pa lang ang propesyonal na laban nito ay tagahanga na ‘ko nito. It’s great that he won again and in a very impressive manner at that.

He is no doubt one of the greatest boxers of all time. Aren’t we proud that he’s a Filipino?

“Thanks to the God,” as Manny loved to say.

And yes, I was entertained.

A SHORT HORROR STORY

2008-06-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

IN OUR BLOOD

“Will you please stop laughing?” I asked Frances in an exasperated tone.

“Why would I do that?” Frances said with her eyes still fixed on her laptop.

“Because I’m watching the news,” I said. “And the news is about the devastation brought by that typhoon. A ship sank and more than a thousand people are now feared dead, a bridge collapsed killing ten people and a flashflood killed hundreds of people. Libu-libo ang namamatay sa paligid natin pero nakukuha mo pang tumawa.”

“What do you want me to do? Weep and slash my wrist?”

“You can at least be silent while the news is going on.”

She smirked. “Why would I be affected? I don’t know those people. ‘Pag ako ba ang namatay, maaapektuhan sila? Tatawa rin ang mga ‘yan habang nakaburol ako. You’d be better off ignoring them.”

“Frances, every death mustn’t be ignored,” I told her. “Dapat tayong malungkot tuwing may mamamatay kahit hindi natin kilala.”

“Then cry alone, ate. Malulungkot lang ako sa isang kamatayan ‘pag ako mismo ang namatay.”

Frances was my younger sister. She was twenty seven. I was two years older than her. She was a single mom with two kids fathered by two different guys who both quickly abandoned her after learning that she was pregnant. She was a bum while I worked my ass off in a call center. She was lazy. She lived off the small inheritance left by our parents. Everyday, from dusk till dawn, she either watched TV or sat in front of her computer surfing the Net, chatting with her friends and flirting with guys while me and a nanny took care of her kids. I already told her that guys were repulsed by single moms who were lazy, who still could not live independently, who preferred to always have fun than to try to find ways to earn and save money for her kids’ future. But she would hear none it. She continued to be a bum and she continued to shamelessly pursue guys on the Internet, guys who repeteadly rejected her.

Frances not being affected by other people’s death bothered me.

Our late father was a serial killer. Only me and Frances knew it.

I think the urge to kill is in our blood, our dad would always tell us. He had this insane belief that if you regularly drank human blood, you would become immortals like the vampires.

It’s the reason why vampires are immortals, he loved to tell us.

And Frances shared this belief. She believed that drinking few ounces of blood of people you murdered everyday for ten years, you would become immortal and you would never grow old. The souls of the people you killed would be yours after drinking their blood. They would help you become immortal. Our father had been drinking human blood for seven years when he met a fatal car accident.

Two nights ago, I found a bottle filled with human blood in Frances’ bedroom.

Frances hummed while turning her laptop off. “I met another cutie, I sent him my bikini pics, tingnan ko lang kung 'di siya maglaway do'n,” she giddily told me. “Forever young, I want to live forever young,” she sang while walking towards her room.

After a couple of hours, I crept inside Frances’ room. She was sleeping like an angel. I tiptoed to her bed, picked up one of her pillows and started choking her with it. She put up a mighty fight—she kicked and tried to move the pillow away from her face— but I was determined to kill her. I only lifted the pillow when I was certain that she was dead. Her eyes were open and surprisingly vacant.

I picked up my cell phone and called up a close relative. “Patay na si Frances, tita, binangungot siya,” I informed her. I put the phone down and went back to the living room and waited. I turned the TV on. A news about a massive vehicular accident was being aired. Fifteen people were already confirmed dead. My heart got broken again.

Every death must sadden us, that’s true.

Except Frances’ death…

There’s always an exception to a rule. end

WHAT THE F... IS GOING ON?

2008-06-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko alam kung napapadalas lang ang inom ko nitong mga huling araw at ayaw ng umalis ng ispiritu ng alak sa utak ko kaya laging hilo ang pakiramdam ko pero maraming nangyayari rito sa ‘Pinas nitong mga huling araw na sobrang kakatwa ang dating para sa akin na nag-uudyok tuloy sa akin upang mag-isip na baka nalalapit na ang pagkabura ng Pilipinas sa mapa ng mundo.

Narito ang mga pangyayaring iyon:

1-A BANANA PLANT WITH NINE HEARTS.

Pinagkakaguluhan ngayon ng napakaraming tao ang isang ‘puno’ ng saging sa Calaca, Batangas dahil siyam ang puso nito (karaniwan ng isa lang o dalawa ang puso ng saging kada halaman). Ayon sa mga taong nagsasagawa ngayon ng gabi-gabing paglalamay at pagtitirik ng kandila sa tabi ng naturang halaman, may tumutulong tubig daw mula sa siyam na puso nito at ang tubig na iyon daw ay at mahimala at nakapagpapagaling ng lahat ng sakit. Wala raw gagawin ang payente kundi inumin ang tubig na nagmumula sa puso upang maghilom ang anumang dinaramdam nito sa katawan.

May lumalabas na ring kuwento na isang lalaking pilay daw ang nakapanayam ng mga mamamahayag na nagdeklarang bago siya lumagok ng tubig mula sa isa sa mga puso ng saging ay nakasaklay siya. Ngunit pag-uwi niya ay hindi na niya gamit ang mga saklay niya.

“Whoa!” one reporter allegedly exclaimed. “The pope must be informed of this!”

The reporter later learned, as he was frantically searching for the Vatican’s contact number, that the man’s crutches were just stolen by two rugby boys. Ang lalaking pilay ay umuwi pala na karga-karga ng anak nito.

“Just a piece of crap!” sagot ng isa sa mga rugby boys nang tanungin tungkol sa naghihimalang puso ng saging.

“Yeah, totally!” pagsang-ayon ng pangalawang rugby boy.

Nagpahayag na diumano si Mark Lapid, Philippine Tourism Authority general manager, ng kalagakan sa halaman ng saging na may siyam na puso at nangako ito na gagawing national landmark ang lugar na kinaroroonan ng saging na may siyam na puso. Ipinagbawal na rin ang pagtitinda ng turong saging at banana cue sa lugar upang pagbibigay-galang sa milagrosong saging.

Dahil sa napakaraming kapana-panabik na kaganapan tungkol sa saging, seryoso ko ng pinag-iisipan ngayon na lumikha ng blag (tagalog term daw for blog) kung saan ang tanging paksa na tatalakayin ay tungkol sa saging.

Pero hindi ba nakakabagabag at nakakabaghan na pati ang saging ay hinahanapan ng milagro ng marami sa mga kababayan natin?

2-SENATOR LITO LAPID’S BILL

Senator Lito Lapid finally had a bill—the proposed Legal Assistance Act of 2008— approved by the senate. According to Philippine Daily Inquirer, this was the first bill filed by Senator Lapid as principal author to be approved by the Senate since the former action star won a seat in the chamber in 2004. Lapid’s bill would give tax perks to private law firms that render free legal service to poor clients.

Reporters tried to get some comments from Lapid’s fellow senators but they were still too shocked to comment. One of them almost suffered a nervous breakdown.

The senators hope that Senator Lapid creating a smart bill does not forebode of an incoming Armageddon.

3-21 GUN SALUTE TO RUDY FERNANDEZ

Rudy Fernandez was a great actor (naalalala ko, unang araw pa lang ng pelikula nito noon sa mga sinehan ay nakapila na ako), had an amiable personality and according to his friends, a great human being but methinks (and this is not to show disrespect) he still, although he was a navy reservist, did not deserve the 21-gun salute honors given to him. A 21 gun salute is reserved only for the heads of state although some people close to Rudy’s family are now saying that the gun salute given to Rudy was different from those given to presidents. If indeed Rudy F. was honored with a gun salute, as those showbiz reporters are insisting, it will send a wrong message to the people.

Sasabihin ng mga tao, pinagpala talaga ang mga artista, kung gusto mong maging presidente, mag-artista ka, kung gusto mong maging senador, mag-artista ka, kung gustong maging mayor, mag-artista ka, kung gusto mo ng 21 gun salute kapag namatay ka, mag-artista ka. Hindi mo na kailangang mag-aral ng husto at gumawa ng mga kabayanihan.

4-PHILIPPINE FLAG ON A WOMAN’S NAKED BODY.

When I first saw the almost naked picture of Joey Mead on the cover of Rogue Magazine covered only with a painting of Philippine flag, I instantly thought that there was something wrong with it. No, Joey’s body’s fine. The curves are on the right places.

Pero tama ba na iguhit mo sa katawan ng isang hubad na babae ang watawat ng isang bansa? Tinanong ko ang ilan sa mga kakilala ko tungkol doon at ang sagot nila, dapat daw ay hindi na tinakpan ng kung ano ang katawan ni Joey Mead. Tutal, sinasagisag naman ng nasabing larawan ang kalayaan ng bansa, dapat daw ay pinalaya na sa anumang klase ng saplot ang katawan ni Joey Mead.

Now, the country’s flag authorities are crying foul over the provocative photos. They are saying that it violates the Philippine Flag Law which states that the wearing of the flag as an apparel is prohibited.

Ang dami naman kasing puwedeng gawing disenyo sa katawan na sumisimbulo sa pagdiriwang sa kalayaan ng bansa ay kung bakit bandera pa ng bansa ang napili.

5-PREPAID ELECTRICITY.

GSIS has announced that if it gets lucky and gains control of Meralco, it will implement a prepaid payment scheme for electricity. Ayon sa GSIS, ipinatutupad na ito sa ibang bansa kaya maaaari ring gawin dito sa Pilipinas. Prepaid electricity? Hindi ba weird ang dating? Talaga bang pabulusok na sa walang patumanggang paghihirap ang bayan natin at lahat na ng klaseng pagtitipid ay iniisip ng mga nasa pamahalaan?

Dumating kaya ang araw na tatawag ka sa kaibigan mo at sasabihin mo na, “Pare, pasa-load mo nga ako ng kuryente’t mabibitin lang ‘tong pinaplantsa kong underwear ng kumare mo.”

And the last sign that this country is going awry:

6-BOY ABUNDA’S BESTSELLING CD.

Matagal na sa market ang CD na ito pero kamakailan ko lang nalaman. The publicists for this CD say that it has reached gold status and is probably nearing platinum. The fact that Boy Abunda didn’t sing a single note on this album make it terribly gross. It’s blasphemous to say that you have a record album when you’re not a singer. Do people really buy this CD? O si Kris Aquino lang ang umuubos ng kopya nito?

What’s next? Cristy Fermin’s a cappella album?

ANG PUSO NG TURISMO

2008-06-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

This blogsite’s favorite local actor, Mark Lapid, whose acting prowess probably rivals the intensity of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino and whose classic film, Apoy Sa Dibdib Ng Samar, is now being dissected and studied by film students like a dead, hapless frog, has been appointed by PGMA as the new general manager of Philippine Tourism Authority (PTA). Why Mark Lapid? the reporters asked Tourism head Ace Durano. Durano was only able to utter some mumbojumbo.

Lapid’s appointment has been met with a lot of brickbats. Hindi raw ba may kaso pa itong kinakaharap dahil sa ilang anomalya, partikular na ang quarrying operations ng lalawigan, na nangyari noong ito pa ang gobernador ng Pampanga. Ang koleksiyon ng Pampanga mula sa quarrying noong 2006 habang si Mark pa ang gobernador ay 29.1M lang pero noong si Governor Panlilio na ang maupo ay agad daw itong umakyat sa 217M.

Kaya raw nagkakandaloko-loko ang sawimpalad na bansang ito, e, dahil ang pangunahing mga rason daw kaya nailuluklok sa mga puwesto ang ilang opisyal ay palakasan at utang na loob. Bakit daw hindi subukan ng administrasyon ito na magluklok ng isang kuwalipikadong tao sa isang government post? Halimbawa, sa Department of Tourism, bakit daw hindi isang turista ang i-appoint?

But seriously, ano raw ba ang kuwalipikasyon ni Mark Lapid sa nasabing puwesto? Ni hindi raw ito nakatapos sa kolehiyo. Can he spell the word tourism, his critics are asking and taunting him. Can he use it in a sentence? Can he use it in a knock-knock joke? Does Mark know how many islands are there in Hundred Islands? We all know that Mayon Volcano has a perfect cone but does Mark know if Mayon’s cone is sugar or waffle? These are the tough questions that Mark Lapid as a tourism honcho has to face. But I think Mark can easily hurdle these challenges.

Methinks that appointing Lapid to head the PTA is an excellent move by the government. It is a heartfelt, heartening, heartwarming, heartbreaking decision that was made heartily. Nakakalimutan ng mga kritiko ni Mark Lapid na sa lahat ng mga naging pinuno na ng PTA, siya lang ang may puso. It is being rumored now that Mark’s first official act will be to make the banana plant’s heart the symbol of country’s tourism.

And no, there’s no truth to the rumor that Mark Lapid will do some quarrying in Boracay and Puerto Galera.

Great, great appointment.

No wonder, this country is truly going bananas now.

JOE MARI MONGCAL: REST IN PEACE

2008-06-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

I received an email (from Mr. Mario Macalindong) bearing the sad news that comics illustrator Mr. Joe Mari Mongcal had died. He met an accident in Baclaran yesterday (Saturday, June 7). Isa si Mr. Mongcal sa pinakaaktibo at pinakamahusay na mangguguhit noon sa bakuran ng GASI.

Ipinaaabot ko po ang aking taos-pusong pakikiramay sa lahat ng mga naulila ni Ginoong Joe Mari Mongcal.

A MOVIE FOR THE GUILTY

2008-06-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

I watched the DVD of Atonement last night and got my heart broken. My sister rented it after seeing that James McAvoy was the lead actor; she became an instant fan after watching The Last King Of Scotland. Atonement, a love story set during the World War II, was an achingly sad but hauntingly beautiful movie that would leave you teary-eyed at the ending.

Superb direction, great acting, touching story (a wealthy 13-year old girl, an aspiring writer, ruined the relationship and the lives of her older sister and her boyfriend through her lies and spent her life trying to atone for that sin) and a wonderful musical score (which won an Oscar), this classy movie was nominated as best picture in this year's Oscars.

Ito lang yata ang tanging pelikula na napanood ko na ginamit ang tunog ng tiklado ng makinilya bilang musical background. Naalala ko tuloy iyong luma kong makinilya at iyong tunog nito na masakit sa tenga ng ibang tao pero musika para sa akin habang pinanonood ko iyong pelikula.

THE SONG TO LISTEN TO WHILE YOU'RE DYING

2008-05-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

Since I’ve tackled death (death of Rep. Crispin Beltran, the incoming death of the local movie industry because of Mark Lapid’s epic, Apoy Sa Dibdib ng Samar and the possible death of the senate as an institution if we keep electing the likes of Lito Lapid as senators) in my previous post, I might as well feature a song here about death: a song entitled The Great Gig In The Sky. (You can find and play this song at the upper-right corner of this page.)

The Great Gig In The Sky (the fifth track from the enigmatic Dark Side of the Moon album by Pink Floyd), is a truly glorious and exhilaratingly beautiful song about death. It has no lyrics, just a woman wailing beautifully and heavenly. Listening to this song is like listening to an angel singing mournfully. An angel grieving over and finally accepting the death of someone. As one music writer said about the song, 'it’s amazing how its singer perfectly captures death in this song. All the emotions of death: fear, sadness, excitement, acceptance, nostalgia, and in the end a slow decrescendo into nothingness.'

Like what morbid fans of this song are saying, this is the best song to listen to while you are dying and the best song to accompany your soul while it is on its way to heaven or, well, hell.

The following are the spoken words within the song:

"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."

"If you can hear this whispering, you are dying."

A POOR CONGRESSMAN

2008-05-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

The nation was shocked when it learned that Rep. Crispin Beltran, a prominent labor leader, had died in a freak accident. He fell from the roof of his modest and unfinished bungalow. Another thing that stunned the country was the fact that Ka Bel, as he was fondly called by his colleagues, died a poor man.

A copy of his statements of assets, liabilities and net worth showed that his net worth amounted only to twenty two thousand pesos, thus making him the poorest congressman. Las Pinas Representative Cynthia Villar's the richest, with net worth of more than one billion pesos. Yes, Virginia, in this country where many people are dying of hunger, where a lot of families live under bridges that are about to collapse, where people have to fall in line just so they could buy a kilo of rice, a billionaire citizen exists.

In this nation where the term poor congressman is a first class oxymoron, it is truly astounding to know that a congressman ( a three-termer at that) is poor and, well, not rich. And in a country populated by rapacious and thoroughly corrupt politicians who are not ashamed to affix the word honorable to their names, Congressman Beltran died a modern hero

In a related tearjerker of an event, Senator Lito Lapid, whom a lot of reporters covering the senate thought was mute because he wouldn't comment on any issue engulfing the country, finally broke his silence and expressed shock and grief over Rep. Beltran's sudden death in a press statement.

Senator Lito Lapid, probably unknown to many, was the brain behind the greatest bill filed in the senate: a bill prohibiting the use of staple wire in food packaging. The bill was widely applauded and praised by other lawmakers. A landmark bill, some of them declared. Kaya sa sandaling makakita kayo ng pakete ng pagkain na may staple wire pa rin, pakidala lang po ito sa opisina ni Senator Lapid at lulunukin po ng intelehenteng staff at consultants ng senador ang nasabing staple wire.

Incidentally, the good senator's son, former Governor Mark Lapid, as if to cement the family's cerebral reputation, delivered (in the film Apoy Sa Dibdib Ng Samar) what is widely considered the greatest line in Philippine cinema: "Oo, inaamin ko, saging lang kami! Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!"

It was rumored that Irish actor Daniel Day-Lewis wanted that stunning line translated in English so he could use it in his next movie. Senator Lapid reportedly offered this translation: "Yes, I am admit, we're just banana trees. But look around all over the archipelago, only the banana trees have hearts! Only the banana trees indeed! Mango trees and guava trees doesn't have heart! And also the lemon tree!"

CLOVERFIELD: A DIZZYING AND DAZZLING MOVIE

2008-05-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched the DVD of Cloverfield, a movie about an unknown giant monster (about the size of Godzilla) attacking and destroying New York City. The movie garnered mixed reviews with many critics hailing it as one of the greatest monster movies of all time while others pooh-poohed it by declaring that it's ordinary, plotless and with underdeveloped characters.

My take on the movie? It's a great movie, very exciting (it's a lot better, I think, than Godzilla and King Kong despite having a smaller budget) and has great speciall effects. The only downside is that it was filmed using a friggin shaky hand-held camera. Don't watch it, I repeat, don't watch if you're severely prone to motion sickness. If you're prone to seasickness and you still want to watch it, my advise is to take Bonamine or Dramamine first.

Fans of this movie are saying that the hand-held cam technique (think Blair Witch Project movie) helped the movie a lot because it makes the viewers feel that they're part of what's happening on the screen. Ang problema nga lang ay mahihilo ka. My niece vomited after watching the movie. Ako nga lang, pakiramdam ko hanggang ngayon ay may jet lag pa ako gayong hindi naman lumilipad iyong sofa na inupuan ko habang nanonood. But this is higly recommended if you're severely prone to vertigo and you miss being strapped on a high-speed, out-of-control rollercoaster.

ANOTHER PINOY IN OPRAH!

2008-05-08T10:27:00.000-07:00

After Charice Pempengco (Oprah, Ellen Degeneres Show), Madonna Decena (Britain's Got Talent), Renaldo Lapuz (American Idol), another Pinoy made the country proud by being featured on Oprah show and stunning its audience and making Oprah Winfrey cry a bucket of tears.

"I said ghost, you madapacker..!"

Here's allegedly what happened:

A survey was conducted among Oprah Winfrey’s live audience. Since the subject that day was about ghosts, she started asking her audience these survey questions:

Oprah: How many of you have seen a ghost? Please stand up!

Amazingly, about 20 people stood up.

Oprah: Wow , isn't that really phenomenal? And now for the next question- For you guys standing up - how many of you have actually spoke to a ghost?

About five stayed standing up.

Oprah: (At this point, really getting tremendously excited!) Wow, imagine that? These people actually spoke to a ghost. And now for the last question, how many of you five guys have actually made love to a ghost?

Four guys sat down except one, at the last row of seats. The crowd exploded.

Oprah: May we call the gentleman to come to the stage please! At this the cameras focused on an aging old man and guess what, he's a Filipino.

Oprah: Wow, that was unbelievable. Sir, may we know who you are?

Top Gun: My name is Topacio Mamaril - my friends call me ' Top Gun' for short.

Oprah: What do you do and where are you from?

Top Gun: I am a retired Navy man from Laoag, Ilocos Norte, Philippines and presently living in Napa Valley, California and am a farmer by trade.

Oprah: Interesting! So, you really made love to a ghost?

Top Gun: Huh???. ..(adjusting his hearing aid) What ghost? I thought you said GOATS!

One of the victims' photo.

Pahabol na ghost joke:

Junior: Tay…totoo po ba ang multo?
Tatay: Nakow, anak, hindi totoo ang multo. Sino naman nagsabi sa 'yo?
Junior: Si yaya. Gabi-gabi, kinukuwentuhan niya 'ko ng ghost stories.
Tatay: Anak… a-anak...

......

.....

....

....
..

WALA KANG YAYA!

"Tsk, babaw talaga ng kaligayahan nito. Ang kukurne naman ng jokes!"

PINOY THRILLER

2008-05-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Ano ang nasa dako pa roon?
Bunga ng malikot na pag-iisip, likha ng balintataw
O halaw sa isang daigdig ng kababalaghan

Di kayang maipaliwanag ngunit alam mong magaganap…

Marami pa siguro ang nakakatanda sa pamosong mga linya na ito. Galing ito sa isang tanyag na katatakutang programa na may pamagat na Pinoy Thriller na ipinalabas noong Dekada 80. Kakaunti na lang siguro ang nakakaalala sa mga episode nito pero sigurado ako na marami pa rin ang nakakaalala sa musikang ginamit bilang soundtrack ng horror show na ito. Marami ang nagsasabi na ang musikang ito ang dahilan kaya lumabas na nakakatakot talaga ang nasabing programa. This show spawned another horror show, Regal Shockers. But Pinoy Thriller, with its well-written and well-presented stories about asuwang, witches, kapre proved to be more horrifying. It’s certainly one of the best horror shows that came out on TV.

Pink Floyd ang may likha ng ‘nakapangingilabot’ na musikang ginamit ng Pinoy Thriller at ang titulo niyon ay “Several Species Of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict.” Mula sa album na may pamagat na “Ummagumma,” ang kantang ito ang isa na siguro sa pinaka-weird na kantang nilikha ng Pink Floyd bagama’t marami talagang kakatwang kantang nilikha ang pamosong bandang ito. Wala ni isang instrumentong ginamit dito, boses lang at mga kamay na itinatapik sa mesa at kung saan-saan na ginamitan ng tape loops at special effects.

Ang kantang ito ay inyong mapapakinggan sa blogsite na ito, sa kanang bahagi, sa bandang itaas ng pahinang ito. Walang mensahe sa kantang ito, nagkakatuwaan lang daw at nag-e-eksperimento ang nasabing banda ng likhain ito.

Sa bandang hulihan ng kanta ay may tila isang Scottish na nagtatalumpati (na sa aktuwalidad ay si Roger Waters, Pink Floyd bassist at nagsulat ng kanta) at naririto ang mga salita sa kanyang litanya:

Aye an' a bit of mackeral, settler rack and down

Ran it down by the home, and I flew

Well, it slapped me and I flopped it down in the shade

And I cried, cried, cried

The tear had fallen down he had taken, never back to raise

And then cried Mary, an' took out wi' your Claymore

Right outta a' pocket, i ran down, down by the mountain side

Battlin' the fiery horde that was falling around the feet

"Never!," he cried. "Never shall ye get me alive

Ye rotten hound of the burnie crew!

"Well I snatched fer the blade an' a Claymore cut and thrust

And I fell down before him round his feet

Aye! A roar he cried!

Frae the bottom of 'is heart

That I would nay fall but as dead

Dead as I can by y' feet, d'ya ken?

… And the wind cried Mary.

Bro, Kadidurs 'Yang Keyboard mo! It's yucky to the max, as in!

2008-05-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

Kadidurs means kadiri. It's a word I picked up from my niece and her Friendster-wielding and YM-obsessed classmates. Do you know that your keyboard can give you several illnesses and that it can be dirtier than a public toilet which has been left uncleaned and unflushed for the last five years? You don't believe it? Then read the article in today's issue of Philippine Daily Inquirer or go to this link.

Take a close look at your keyboard. Kapag may nakita kang mumunting uod na gumagapang-gapang dito, oras na para linisin mo ito. Kapag linta ang nakita mo, panahon na para bumili ka ng bago.

"A, inday, nilinis mo na ba 'yong keyboard ng computer ko?"

"Nililinis ko na po, kuya. Ibinabad ko po siya sa Zonrox, sayang, wala na po tayong Downy."