Pounding The Keyboard

A front page news on Philippine Daily Inquirer today, December 27, entitled Santa Claus Kills 8, Self In Christmas Eve Rampage tells the story of a man who, dressed as Santa and armed with a shotgun, went to his former in-laws’ Christmas Eve party and murdered at least eight people before committing suicide hours later. The cops believe that the ex-wife, who was among the dead, was the prime target. The 45 year old suspect had no criminal record and no history of violence, but was angry and frustrated following the recent settlement of his divorce after a marriage that lasted barely a year, the news said. Read the full article here. I don’t want to trivialize the tragic incident but the suspect, before he flipped, was probably listening too much to this Weird Al Yankovic song entitled The Night Santa Went Crazy. "The Night Santa Went Crazy" Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, ne...

I woke up yesterday with a cold so bad and severe, my nose so clogged, that I thought of going to a hospital to ask the doctors there to drill a hole in my neck to help me breathe easily. Luckily, people in our neighborhood talked me out of it. They just gave me cold tablets to ease my sufering. I found out that I was not alone when I read the newspaper yesterday. Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson’s also got a bad cold. She was seen blowing her nose on worldwide TV. In fact, she’s selling an old tissue (the one she used in blowing her nose when she guested in Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show) on eBay for charity. “And you got some lipstick and snot. There’s definitely snot there,” Scarlett uttering some sales talks for the snot-laden tissue. The precious tissue has reportedly snagged more than sixty bids, with the highest bidder putting up $2,050. When you can blow your nose, then sell that snotty tissue on eBAY and people offer more than two thousand dollars to buy it, then, that’s the t...

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know… the birth of Santa.” Bart Simpson Like most of the people, I was in and out of malls these past few days. No, I wasn’t Christmas shopping, I was only accompanying my sisters and other relatives and friends shop for gifts and clothes. I was in only for the free chow and the opportunity to bond with my nephews and nieces. My sisters and cousins love to eat in good restaurants. I, too, love fine dining. I always have mine in McDo. All the malls we went to were teeming with people. It is of course during Christmas that most people become allergic to money, some of them will buy anything with a price tag on it as long as it won’t bite and eat them. I saw a burly, bemoustached, tattoed man trying a pink dress. I also saw this seventy year old woman entering a store that sold bikinis and a ten year old girl going inside a gun store unaccompanied. There’s oughta be a law that prohibits little girls from purchasing a gun. They shoul...

With his masterful demolition of Oscar De La Hoya, Manny Pacquiao has just proven that he truly is one of the world’s all-time greatest boxers. He was fantastically awesome yesterday, as he reduced De La Hoya into a pitiful punching bag, just like what he did with David Diaz. Many experts were right, it was a mismatch. They just did not know that it was a mismatch in favor of Pacquiao. They say that Englishman Ricky Hatton will be Pacquiao’s next opponent. I have seen Hatton fight and I say he’s another punching bag waiting to be torn down. I’m more excited with the prospects of Floyd Mayweather Jr. coming out of his retirement to face Pacquiao. With the way he got rid of De La Hoya, it is now safe to say that Pacquiao, certainly, has a big chance of sending Mayweather to kingdom come. Time for the latest Pacquiao Joke: What is "Hidden Soldiers?" Pacquiao's Favorite anti-dandruff shampoo. What is "Claire?" The other anti-dandruff shampoo he likes.

I have written lots of stories that are wholly inspired by a song (which means you can find the lyrics of the song in the story). And this is one of them. ONE OF MY TURNS By Pink Floyd “Oh my God! What a fabulous room! Are all these your guitars?” "This place is bigger than our apartment!” "Ahm, can I get a drink of water?” "You want some, huh?" "Oh wow, look at this tub? Do you wanna take a bath?” "What are you watching?" "Hello?" "Are you feeling okay?..." Day after day, love turns grey Like the skin of a dying man. Night after night, we pretend it’s all right But I have grown older and you have grown colder and Nothing is very much fun any more. And I can feel one of my turns coming on. I feel cold as a razor blade, tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum. Run to the bedroom, In the suitcase on the left You'll find my favorite axe. Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days. Would yo...

Something is occurring this December that excites many Filipinos more than the coming of Christmas. Yes, sir, it’s the coming fight between Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya. It’s a fight that I dismissed as a joke when it was first floated around because the two were in different weight divisons. Since I’m a ranking member of The Solid Intrepid Manny Pacquiao Fan Club (Metro Manila Chapter) and the former vice-president of the now disbanded The Unbeatable Manny Pacquiao-Ara Mina Fan Club , I often get asked about my views on the fight. “Who do you think will win?” people would always ask me, as if I were a boxing expert. I'd always say that De La Hoya (since he’s a lot taller than Manny and he’s coming from a heavier weight division where he battled foes that were a lot bigger and stronger than those whom Manny had brawled with) has the edge. We shouldn’t forget that Oscar had fought Floyd Mayweather Jr. and almost won. I, for the life of me, can’t see how Pacquiao can win agai...