SNOT FOR SALE
I woke up yesterday with a cold so bad and severe, my nose so clogged, that I thought of going to a hospital to ask the doctors there to drill a hole in my neck to help me breathe easily. Luckily, people in our neighborhood talked me out of it. They just gave me cold tablets to ease my sufering.
I found out that I was not alone when I read the newspaper yesterday. Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson’s also got a bad cold. She was seen blowing her nose on worldwide TV. In fact, she’s selling an old tissue (the one she used in blowing her nose when she guested in Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show) on eBay for charity. “And you got some lipstick and snot. There’s definitely snot there,” Scarlett uttering some sales talks for the snot-laden tissue. The precious tissue has reportedly snagged more than sixty bids, with the highest bidder putting up $2,050.
When you can blow your nose, then sell that snotty tissue on eBAY and people offer more than two thousand dollars to buy it, then, that’s the time that you can truly say that you’re successful in life. It’s like you’ve been elevated to godlike or superhero status. You’re the supersalesman. You can sell anything, even the dead rat inside your house.
It is only now that I’m realizing that I’m an utter failure in life. I had been blowing my nose to probably a milion tissue papers now and not one person has offered to buy even one piece of it even at highly discounted price.
Now, a lot of men are getting excited because Ms. Johansson has been making hints that the next item she’s going to sell in eBay are some of her, well, worn panties. Nothing new there, eBay has always been known as a weird market. Everyone knows you can sell anything there, you can buy anything there. Someone's mother-in-law, a girl’s virginity or a one-night-stand with someone’s wife are perennial for-sale stuff there.
"The air guitar's a little out of tune."
No, I’m not one of the sixty persons who rushed to make a bid for Scarlett’s lovely tissue. If Santa would give me her tissue with her snot on it as a gift, I’d pass and instead ask for a new cell phone with a flashlight in it. But make it Natalie Portman’s tissue and snot and I would probably think about it. But then, what would I do with it? Have it framed and hang it on my bedroom wall? It will be too expensive to just blow my nose on it.
Weird Al Yankovic even wrote a funny song about eBay. You can find it here.
I found out that I was not alone when I read the newspaper yesterday. Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson’s also got a bad cold. She was seen blowing her nose on worldwide TV. In fact, she’s selling an old tissue (the one she used in blowing her nose when she guested in Jay Leno’s The Tonight Show) on eBay for charity. “And you got some lipstick and snot. There’s definitely snot there,” Scarlett uttering some sales talks for the snot-laden tissue. The precious tissue has reportedly snagged more than sixty bids, with the highest bidder putting up $2,050.
When you can blow your nose, then sell that snotty tissue on eBAY and people offer more than two thousand dollars to buy it, then, that’s the time that you can truly say that you’re successful in life. It’s like you’ve been elevated to godlike or superhero status. You’re the supersalesman. You can sell anything, even the dead rat inside your house.
It is only now that I’m realizing that I’m an utter failure in life. I had been blowing my nose to probably a milion tissue papers now and not one person has offered to buy even one piece of it even at highly discounted price.
Now, a lot of men are getting excited because Ms. Johansson has been making hints that the next item she’s going to sell in eBay are some of her, well, worn panties. Nothing new there, eBay has always been known as a weird market. Everyone knows you can sell anything there, you can buy anything there. Someone's mother-in-law, a girl’s virginity or a one-night-stand with someone’s wife are perennial for-sale stuff there.
"The air guitar's a little out of tune."Would you believe that an air guitar had been sold on eBay? A ten year old cheese with the image of Virgin Mary was once sold for twenty eight thousand dollars. Anything with image of Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary and Mother Teresa can be sold at eBay. An extracted tooth that resembled the image of Virgin Mary was once for sale. But a man who was trying to sell his soul got only six dollars for the highest bid. Then there were these women who offered their cleavage as an advertising spot. There’s also this man who was trying to sell a haunted body bag, I don’t know how many bids he got. Bubble wrap is always a bestseller at eBay.
No, I’m not one of the sixty persons who rushed to make a bid for Scarlett’s lovely tissue. If Santa would give me her tissue with her snot on it as a gift, I’d pass and instead ask for a new cell phone with a flashlight in it. But make it Natalie Portman’s tissue and snot and I would probably think about it. But then, what would I do with it? Have it framed and hang it on my bedroom wall? It will be too expensive to just blow my nose on it.
Weird Al Yankovic even wrote a funny song about eBay. You can find it here.
"Monica Bellucci's cleavage is definitely far more expensive than the biggest billboard in EDSA."
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