Sick? No, Don't Google Your Symptoms (Or It Would Lead To An Apocalypse)

      I’d been sick the whole day (very painful dry cough; first time I’ve experienced it) and my medicines hadn’t been effective so I sought the help of the Internet. And it just confirmed my worst fears, the Internet, true to its form,  said I had a cancer and it’s malignant and at the stage where it’s already incurable, So I better make my last will and testament now and write good-bye letters to my loved ones.

      Stay away from the Internet when your sick, they said, it will turn your cold into the worst disease the mankind have known. So I closed my browser and turned off my computer to just rest. Unfortunately, after the monitor's screen turned black, I remembered that I needed to email a file, so I turned it on again.

      But my computer failed to beep back to life—it remained dead, as if scared that I would go back to Internet to again research about my sickness. I could almost hear it screaming, “No, sir, I will make sure that you stay away from the Internet, just rest, it’s just flu, go to a doctor if the symptoms persist, don’t let the Internet scare you to death and damage you.”

     ... so my computer has remained dead for two days now (it also had been having a few health problems of its own), determined to not let me surf the Internet. I am grateful  for its concern—but it has forgotten that I have my Android phone with me, which I can use to Google what’s been bugging me. And now, the Internet has told me that my sickness has worsened and that it would be better if I’d stay at home so as not contaminate other people and start a new global  plague and trigger an apocalypse and the end of all humanity.

      I put down my phone and I stare at my computer. It probably had been aware of my real illness, it knew that it would lead to the annihilation of all humans, and that it had committed suicide prior to my spreading of the disease, so as not to suffer…