Uncut

 

Might be a slow news day, so an article about an uncircumcised 32-year-old Filipino appeared on my News Feed.  The man said he’s afraid of blood and surgery so he kept postponing  his circumcision year after year, until a pretty woman, his crush, showed interest on him, and asked him to sleep with her. Scared that his still-hooded warrior might turn her off, he refused.

The girl preferred circumcised tool. She probably thought it was cleaner and cuter, which was really the case. Lol. He tried to stay away from circumcised-birdie-admirer girl but his crush on her intensified, so finally he decided to put his peter under the knife—and it was a success.

March and April really are the months to have it done, and it's a must for Filipino men, not so in other countries, and I remember being excited and a little scared when I underwent the procedure. I was twelve then (they said eleven or twelve were the perfect age then), and it wasn’t done by a doctor, but by a drunkard barber whose sideline was to slice young boys’ ding-dong, though I can’t remember if he was drunk at the time. Lol. All the boys in our neighborhood went through him. The ‘operation’ was held in my grandmother’s garage, and he made me sit, while wearing a skirt, on this chair with this wooden thingy where you’d put your willy on, specifically, its foreskin, which he’d cut with a razor. The moment your pecker’s in place, he’d ask you to lift your chin up, close your eyes, no anaesthesia, and wait for the axe, er, the razor, to fall. A little barbaric, yes. Lol.

“Don’t let a woman look at it while the wound’s still fresh, as it will swell like a giant tomato,” the barber told me.

It didn’t really hurt that moment, but pain came the next day, the skirt stayed, and it healed after a few days.

No, it didn’t swell like a tomato, and no, a woman hasn’t asked me to sleep with her.