“MY BOYFRIEND WON’T KISS ME, HE LOVES MARIAH CAREY SONGS AND ENVIES MY BARBIE DOLLS COLLECTION. IS HE GAY?”

Do you read advice columns? Below is a very funny joke about it.

Dear Mike:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more
than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom
with a lady neighbor making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my
husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I
confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an
affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job
six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed
and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the
ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get
through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila The Problematic

Dear Sheila The Problematic:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips
holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these
approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself
is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
Mike


The title of the joke above is Why Men Can’t Write Advice Column. Are men really incapable of giving sound and helpful advice? Ahmm, I don’t know but this joke reminded me that I also used to give pieces of advice before. My fascination with advice columns—a good source of story ideas— started when one of my comics editors then asked me to write a serial wherein the illustrated stories to be featured would come from the readers’ real-life-stories. At the end of every story, the writer would dispense advice to the letter sender(ala-Maalala Mo Kaya or Magpakailanman). Aside from that comics serial, I also used to write a humorous advice column wherein funny problems were given funny advice.

The comics serial turned out quite well. Every week, the editor would receive six to eight letters. Some letters were amusing, some were touching, others really sad. Isa sa mga natatandaan kong natanggap na sulat ay galing sa isang teen-ager na babae na nagtatanong kung sino ang dapat niyang seryosohin sa tatlo niyang boyfriends. Inilagay niya sa sulat ang characters ng tatlo niyang boyfriend at kung sino raw ang pipiliin ko sa tatlo ay iyon na rin daw ang pipiliin niya. “Modesty enough,” she said in a cross-bred English, “I’m very pretty.” She included a photo of her in her mail and yes, she really was very pretty. Iyong mga sulat na hindi puwedeng i-publish ay sinasagot ko pa rin at ako mismo ang naghuhulog ng sulat. At that time, Internet/e-mail, though it already existed, was still alien to a lot of people.

Yes, I think men can be very good listeners and can give good pieces of advice. Hindi lahat ng lalake, ‘pag sinabihan mo ng problema mo, ang sasabihin sa ‘yo ay “Kulang ka lang sa inom, tara, inom tayo!” (Though I’m guilty of this sometimes. Beer, one of the world’s greatest inventions, no doubt, is one great problem solver, albeit temporarily.) They say that the perfect mate is one who knows how to listen and who knows what to say after you’re through talking. Kahit pa wala namang kawawaan at puro kababawan ang sinasabi mo. They say that a friend/boyfriend/husband who always finds time to listen to your problems intently no matter how trivial it is and who afterwards gives good advice is a friend/boyfriend/husband who truly cares.


Re the title of this post, someone really asked me that question, seeking an advice.

My reply was: "Sadly, yes, your boyfriend is gay. Moreso, if he lip-synchs a Mariah Carey song whenever he hears one. Don’t believe him when he denies it. Churva lang ‘yong mga anik-anik na sasabihin niya. Dump him and find someone who loves action figures of wrestlers instead."