"CORY APOLOGIZES AGAIN" AND OTHER HEADLINES WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE

The following is a wish list, some of the headlines that some of my God-fearing, pseudo-intellectuals, beer-guzzling, computer-hogging, law-abiding but non-taxpaying friends would love to see on Philippine newspapers this 2009.

POLITICS

"GMA Revokes Pardon, Estrada Finally Going To Jail"

"Cocky, Abusive, Golf Club-Toting Gov’t Officials Mauled By Ordinary Citizens, Mob Threatens To Beat More"

"Cory Apologizes Again, But This Time To The Filipino People For Failing To Lift the Country After EDSA I, For Her Failure To Truly Resolve The Ninoy Murder And For Giving Birth To Kris Aquino"

"20 Corrupt Politicians Convicted Of Graft, Judge Sentences Them 50 Years Each, Rules Out Pardon Or Parole; 3 Quickly Jump Off Tall Building And Kill Themselves"

"Imelda Marcos Finally Admits Her Family’s Sins Against The Nation, Returns Wealth And Hits Her Head Hard With A Shoe In Repentance"

"Joe De Venecia Retires From Politics, Will Try His Luck As A Comedian"

ENTERTAINMENT

"GMA 7 And Abs-Cbn Vow To Stop Creating Those Trashy And Mind-Numbingly Stupid Shows, Also Vow To Employ Actors/Hosts Who Can Really Act/Talk"

"Willie Revillame Retires From TV, Promises To Be Genuinely Charitable This Time"

"Dr. Hayden Kho Releases His Sex Video-Compilation To The Internet, Downloading Frenzy Ensues; Two Men Hurt As One Computer Overheats And Explodes"

"Big Time Publisher Vows To Truly, Really, Genuinely Revive And Improve Local Comics Industry "

SPORTS

"Manny Pacquiao Mauls Hatton, Promises To Do The Same Thing To Mayweather And To The Politicians Who Will Make The Mistake Of Convincing Him To Run In An Election Again"

"Robert Jaworski Signs Up As Playing Coach Of A New PBA Team, Says He Will Try To Revitalize Boring PBA"




Disgraced former President Estrada’s rightful place is in jail, not in press conferences where he regularly threatens the public that he will again run as president in 2010 if no worthy candidate will come forward. This is the same man who promised that he’d not accept a pardon once convicted and would prefer to rot in jail but quickly grabbed the pardoning hand of a scheming president when it was offered to him. Yes, he's one politician who truly values his word.

It’s high time the roles are reversed, a lot of people are saying, that we see abusive government officials being beaten to a pulp by ordinary law-abiding, patriotic citizens.

Former President Aquino is starting to lose the respect of many people with her misguided pronouncements. Imagine apologizing for her role in removing a president who was then planning to drag the country into the pits of hell. But then, everyone should understand her, some people say, cancer not only ravages the body but also the mind.

Willie Revillame is probably one of the most annoying personalities to grace my 14-inch black and white TV. He seems to act everytime he holds the mic, feigning sympathies to audience he obviously despises. How a scandal-magnet host like him and a TV show like Wowowee which, everyone knows, is involved in the death of almost eighty people, most of them elderly and poor, can still stay on the air and garner high ratings is beyond me. I cringe everytime I see people watching and enjoying this show. Hindi ba naaalala ng mga manonood na ito ang mga kapwa nila na namatay dahil sa pagbabakasakaling mabiyayaan kahit kaunti ng programang ito, na hanggang ngayon ay hindi nagkakamit ng hustisya?

My friends, ever since rumors that Dr. Kho (incidentally, the only doctor I know who doesn't know how to overdose on pills) has a compilation of sex videos which includes his alleged trysts with sexy stars Katrina Halili and Rufa Mae Quinto came out, have been restless and fidgety. Last I heard, one of them was seen passing around a petion to be signed by a million sex scandal connoisseurs like him that would force Kho to release the videos. I am third among the signatories.


Okay, we know Jaworski can’t play anymore and that he’ll probably have a heart attack running up and down the court for ten minutes but I’m sure that with him around, PBA might find his lost glory.

And with these headlines becoming real, my friends are sure that the Philippines will also recover its lost glory.