"THE BOYET FAJARDO SYNDROME"

I was in a supermarket the other day to buy two jars of my favorite brand of peanut butter, the Tastes Like Chicken Peanut Butter. I was already near the cashier when suddenly, the customer in front of me, an obese, bejeweled woman in her fifties, started screaming and berating the cashier and the bagger. “Ano’ng pinagsasasabi mong ayaw tanggapin ang credit cards ko?” the woman was screaming at the top of her lungs? “Ano’ng palagay mo sa ‘kin, hindi nagbabayad ng credit card? Ano ‘ko, poor na kagaya mo? Kilala mo ba kung sino ‘ko?”

The woman then started dropping the names of powerful and influential people she allegedly knew, like the president, the chief justice of the Supreme Court, the Senate president, the house speaker, Manny Pacquiao, Willie Revillame, Bentong and Pokwang. “Do you know that I have the power to crucify you? Kneel in front of me or I will crucify you and set Barabbas free! ” she threatened the cashier and the bagger. “Ngayon, mamili kayo ng paraan para mawala ang galit ko!” she still was yelling while pointing a nasty finger at the cashier. “Sasampalin ko kayo o luluhod kayong dalawa sa harap ko?”

Confused of what was happening and scared of the woman who now had bloodshot eyes and of the Roman soldiers that might appear and crucify everyone near the woman, I transferred to another cashier. When I looked back, I saw the cashier and the bagger and the other customers already kneeling in front of the woman. They were all shouting “Alleluia! Alleluia!” to her. Thunder roared and lightnings flashed inside the supermarket.

Now, scared out of my wits, I ran away as fast as I could.

Outside the supermarket, with the two peanut butter jars in my hand, another commotion grabbed my attention. A gay man in her fifties and a taxi driver who seemed in his thirties were loudly arguing. “Bakit ayaw mo ‘kong isakay?” the gay man was shouting at the hapless taxi driver. “Wala akong pakialam kuing namatay ang asawa mo sa panganganak at pupuntahan mo siya ngayon sa ospital! Basta isakay mo ‘ko! Kilala mo ba kung sino ‘ko?”

Then, names of powerful and influential men and women started rolling off the tongue of the name-dropping homo. He started mentioning the name of the president, the vice president, the PNP chief, Barack Obama, Tony Blair, Godzilla and Spongebob Squarepants. Then, the obscenely obnoxious gay men told the driver to kneel in front of him or else, he’d obliterate him and his taxi from the face of the earth.

The driver knelt in front of the gay man and started uttering some prayers and incantations. Then lightnings started tearing the dark skies, as if the end of the world was at hand. I quickly got into a jeepney and started my journey back home.

“They’re afflicted with the BF Syndrome,” a friend of mine said when I narrated to him the twin weird incidents I just witnessed.

“BF Syndrome? Best Friends Forever Syndrome?” I asked.

“No, it’s Boyet Fajardo Syndrome. Its cause is having oodles and oodles of money and a little fame and some influential friends. Its symptoms are, you start thinking that you’re untouchable, invincible and that you are a God and that people should kneel in front of you and worship you. You berate and belittle everyone who is poor and live ordinary lives.”

Bewildered, I turned my computer on and started searching the internet. Immediately, I discovered who Boyet Fajardo was. He’s a fashion designer who two weeks ago made a scene inside Duty Free Phils when he berated and cursed some ordinary employees (who unfortunately were just doing their jobs). During that time, Boyet Fajardo realized that he’s no mere mortal and that he actually was a God.

“Kilala mo ba kung sino ako?” Boyet Fajardo was caught in camera taunting the employee (actually a cashier who had the misfortune to tell the omnipotent Boyet Fajardo that his credit card was not working). He started dropping the names of some powerful and influential Filipinos. “Do you know that I have the power to fire you from your job?! Do you know that I have the power to make your already miserable lives more miserable? Kneel in front of me and appease me!” he reportedly shouted for all the other Duty Free customers to hear. The Lord, er, Mr. Fajardo continued to scream and curse while the poor employee was kneeling in front of him.

Luckily, he didn't have the employee crucified.

What is it about money that makes lots of people to think that they’re above other people and above the law? I grew up in a family that believed that everyone in this world was equal, no matter how rich and influential or poor and decrepit one was. Sadly, money, really is the root of all evil. It makes the world go round and makes lots of people go crazy and have this delusion that they, too, have been conceived by Mother Mary and that they can do and get everything they want.

I turned off my PC, made myself some peanut butter sandwiches, then turned the TV on in search of some good, inspiring news.

“It’s been confrimed,” said the TV news reporter while I was hungrily finishing off the sandwich I made, “some peanut butter brands have salmonella and everyone who eat it is going to die slowly and agonizingly. It’s like being exposed to a deadly radiation. The brand that leads the list is Tastes Like Chicken Peanut Butter…”

My jaw dropped. “What the f…!”