A Porn Star In Our House

 

     Our dog is a two-year-old beagle and is still a virgin. He is still innocent when it comes to the birds and the bees, never saw any other dogs having sex, never got hold of an old copy of Playboy Mag and hasn’t watched any porn. His only cares are his food, his treats, his toys, his Chihuahua friends who live across the street and the cats and the other dogs he sees outside our house.

     But whenever a bitch (a female dog, any breed, mostly puppies), just like last night, is brought to our house for temporary lodging (until the owner is able to get it), our dog transforms into a canine porn star. He’d drool all over the house watching and guarding the bitch, burning the midnight oil even, waiting for the opportunity to mount and hump it (with his flaming red ‘lipstick’ pulled out). We’d stop him of course, and whenever he sees that all his attempts to have sex with the bitch would be futile, he’d turn his raging libido towards us—and hump us, or whoever human is close to him. He’d put his paws tightly on you and hump you until he, well, it seems, orgasms. Then he’d lie down on his back, smoke a cigarette and make small, coquettish talk. LOL.

     I’m sure this is a common experience for dog owners, so, yes, we understand our dog and don’t judge him or look down on him. It is in every one’s nature, humans or animals, to have sexual urges, it's just that animals don't have qualms exhibiting it, but still, we’re now thinking of having him neutered.

     We just can’t have a porn star living with us.