Monday, February 20, 2017

Oh, Man! (Part II)




       So, I was watching over my 6-year old niece and her 17-month old brother who were playing Play-Doh. My niece was shaping up something that resembled a stethoscope. “Do you want to be a doctor when you grow up?” I asked her.

        She beamed. “Yes.” Just a year ago, she wanted to be an astronaut.

       “Are you going to cure me of my illnesses when I grow old?”

       “Yes, of course.”

       My heart leapt with joy with that answer. “Thank you, you’re very kind,” I said. Imagine not having to worry about medical expenses when you’re old. I did right when I bought my niece an expensive gift last Christmas.

       “But you have to pay me,” added my niece.

       My nephew looked at me, shook his head, and quipped, “Oh, man!”

       I decided that I should start saving money that day.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

The Two Faces Of Valentine's Day




       When I reached the LRT station last Tuesday, February 14 at around 1 PM, I saw a couple ( a man and a woman who were probably both in their 30s), talking at the top of the stairs. The woman was carrying a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. Nothing unusual with that, until I was just a few feet away from them when the man suddenly grabbed the woman and kissed her torridly on the lips. The woman placed her arms around the man’s nape and returned his kissed with the same intensity. You could hear the slurping and smooching sounds they were making. Eww, yes. Lol. They were still kissing and talking and kissing again (the whole shebang lasted fifteen minutes) when I went to the ticket booth and I was so amused by what I was seeing that I answered “Sogo” when the teller asked for my destination. I mean, the kissing couple should have gone to a motel and not to an LRT Station.

       But then, love probably just conquered them that day. And that’s what you should do with love, be an exhibitionist, er, exhibit it, show the world how much you’re in love.

       I reached the office at around 2 PM (I was fifteen minutes late) and went out at around 6 PM. A beaming woman in red who seemed in love went out ahead of me, probably rushing to her dashing date.

       And when I climbed aboard a passenger jeepney on my way home, I saw the opposite of what I witnessed at the LRT station. Sitting in front of me was a man in his mid-twenties, looking melancholy while holding something covered by a not-so opaque plastic bag, you could see the efforts he made on trying to cover what he was carrying but he failed—it was a bouquet of red roses.

       What happened? Were the roses rejected and returned to him? Most likely. If the roses were yet to be delivered, then he was ruining its beauty with the unsightly plastic bag he used in covering it. Common sense would dictate that it had been returned, that’s why he was trying his best to hide it, that’s why he looked embarrassed and on the verge of tears, why he looked defeated and mauled by love.

       I found myself imagining the conversation that occurred to him and and his lady beloved:

                Him: Hi, Happy Valentine’s! Roses for you!
                Her: I’m sorry, I can’t accept that. I already have a boyfriend.
                Him: Boyfriend? Who? You’re still single yesterday.
                Her: Jack. I said yes to him last night.
                Him: (gasps) B-but he’s already married!
                Her: He’s annulled.
                Him: A-annulled? When?
                Her: Yesterday.
                Him: He’s a playboy.
                Her: He’s not.
                Him: He’s been married four times! For Cripes' sake!
                Her: All annulled.
                Him: He’s going out with a stripper.
                Her: They broke up last night.
                Him: He has an STD.
                Her: He’s cured.
                Him: Cured? When?
                Her: Last night. He showed me his medical certificate.
                Him: (voice trembling) B-But why him? Why not me? I’m a certified bachelor, never been married, never been afflicted with a disgusting disease… never been inside a sleazy bar… Choose me, I’m begging you…
                Her: You want an honest answer?
                Him: Yes, please, sock it to me!
                Her: He’s rich. In fact, we’ll be touring around the world next month. I will finally see the Chocolate Hills.
                Him: (stunned) C-Chocolate Hills? But the Chocolate Hills is here in the Philippines! I can take you there tomorrow.
                Her: (smugly) Well, the Philippines is part of our world tour, FYI.
                Him:  (silent for a whole minute) I-I wish you the best…. (shouts) and I wish that he gives you AIDS soon, you dumb gold digging wh--e!

        Then, he walked away, stopped in front of a bakery, bought a few pandesal, then, threw the pandesal away and used the plastic bag to cover the roses he still was carrying. No, he wouldn't throw the roses away. He'd keep it as souvenir, as a remembrance that a woman like her existed. He waved a passenger jeepney down, climbed aboard it and sulked.
 
       And after a few minutes, it was my turn to wave that jeepney down and boarded it.
       He alighted ahead of me, still carrying the covered roses and the mystery behind it, and then I remembered the kissing couple at the LRT Station. And I found myself thinking about them. Well, she probably got pregnant today, I thought fondly.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Facebook Blocking (And How And Why You Should Sometimes Just Stay Away)




       So there’s this Facebook female friend of a friend of mine who texted him this morning telling him that she was blocking him because she had sent him a “provocative” private message yesterday (February 14) and was embarrassed by it.  (She was probably carried away by the occasion.) Personally, he says he doesn't find the message “provocative” and it seems like she was just kidding. Well, jokes are half-meant, some will argue. Provocative messages for him are the ones with attached nudes, or least ones that show a cleavage. Or one that starts with the question: “What are you wearing in your bed tonight?” Lol. Anyway, it looks like she won’t change her mind about the blocking so my friend will remain blocked, which is sad, because they have been friends for so long.

       And speaking of Facebook blocking, a few weeks ago, I read a post in Facebook where a guy, after a girl (which he had a crush on and to whom he had sent the usual admiring but harmless messages) went missing for a couple of hours, was questioned by the girl’s relatives. The reason he was interrogated and was almost hauled to the nearest barangay hall? The girl blocked him in Facebook a few days before she went missing.  If the girl blocked him, the girl must have felt unsafe with him, the girl’s relatives intelligently surmised. Fortunately, it turned out the girl was just with her friends and was too busy having fun to bother with her family’s inquiring text messages.

       But still, the lesson to be learned here is, when somebody blocked you in Facebook because you annoy (intentionally or not) this somebody, you need to stay away from this person until he or she unblocks you. Nobody blocks on a whim, if somebody hostile blocks you, then he or she must have really gotten tired of you. Don’t text, don’t email, don’t send gifts, don’t create anonymous social media accounts and don’t sleep outside this person’s house. Unless you cherish being hauled to a barangay hall or worse, to a police precinct.

       Don’t make your embarrassment worse.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Oh, Man!


       Manny Pacquiao immediately fought again after announcing his retirement and so did Floyd Mayweather. Pink Floyd quickly regrouped again after announcing their disbandment—so it’s probably not too embarrassing if I continue this blog after announcing its end.  Moral of the story? Never make a decision when you’re drunk. Lol.
       Anyway, I just want to share this little anecdote involving our family’s current apple of the eye, my 17- month old nephew named Julian.  My sister’s family was in our house last week and I was tasked to babysit Julian.  My nephew  still couldn’t speak except for the obligatory “Dada!” “Mama!” and “Papa!”  “Dada,” incidentally, is my family’s pet name for me. So there was our boy,  in our living room, busy with his toys, when suddenly, a Lego piece slipped from his hand and fell to the floor, causing the collapse of his tower. He looked at the toy, shook his head and quipped, “Oh, man!” It was clear and complete with an American accent.  I nearly fell off my chair.
        It turns out that he’s been watching Dora The Explorer which main antagonist is Swiper, a sneaky masked fox, who loves to utter the expression.
       “Oh, man!”
       That expression easily sums up my love life.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Year 2017 Starts Today



        
       2016 ended yesterday, it’s 2017 now, so there’s no truth to the rumor that some techie geeks were spreading, that 2016 would be replaced by 2016s. Year 2016 was replaced, it didn’t just get upgraded. It ended yesterday, while this blog ends today. (I was thinking whether to completely delete this blog or just let it float as it is not harming anyone anyway as only minuscule number of people know about this; I decided for the latter, just hid a few personal entries (which were written out of either drunkenness or utter melancholia).
       
       So we have a new year now, I wish my loved ones and friends happiness, good health and more blessings the whole year through while I wish my enemies and former friends sufferings. Lol.
       
       Happy new year. 2016 had been a fairly good year for me and my loved ones, I pray that 2017 would be a lot better. And for my country, the Philippines, I wish it prosperity and less blood. 
       
       And in lieu of writing entries for this blog, I’d probably get busy rebuilding my six-pack abs which unfortunately had been turned into a terrible beer belly.
       
       But if you find abs boring and superficial, there are still lots of productive things to do this new year, like the photo below suggests: