CRIMINALSPOTTING

Last week, an LBC delivery man knocked on our door, bringing me a magazine and a comic book. Since LBC men are famous (or infamous) for their spelling wizardry (they even made a TV commercial showcasing this skill), I put the delivery man to test. “Spell hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia,” I challenged him.

He smiled condescendingly, “It’s easy, it’s spelled L-B-C,” and off he flew on his motorcycle.

The magazine he brought me was ASAP! a magazine solely, I think, distributed in England. I wrote a few articles in its first few issues while the comic book was KC Cordero’s Comicspotting, which contained fours stories, three of them illustrated and one in prose.

All four stories are very good but my favorite is Kriminal!, a story of a delinquent who after being mishandled by a petty thief cunningly provoked two crooked cops into avenging him—cruelly and unintentionally.

It is one of those stories I wish I had written myself.

PACQUIAO, TINIRIS SI COTTO

"Manny picked a wrong man to fight for a
seventh wold championship..."
---Miguel Cotto


Manny Pacquiao keeps enthralling not only the Filipino people but also the whole world. Who would’ve thought that this pugilist who began fighting at 106 lbs more than a decade ago would grab a welterweigth (141-147 lbs) title in style?

Yesterday, he demolished Miguel Cotto—said to be one of the finest welterweight fighters to grace the sport—in an awe-inspiring fashion that made his fellow Pinoys breathless and proud.

At the packed moviehouse where we watched the thoroughly exciting –at least up to the eight round; Cotto did nothing but run and backpedal at the later rounds—fight, the audience would scream and shriek with delight with every landed Pacquiao punch while there’d always be a collective nervous gasp whenever Cotto would connect.














We arrived at the mall at nine in the morning and the fight ended at past two in the afternoon (the supporting bouts were quite good, too)and we only had our lunch by then but it was alright, the fight was certainly a great appetizer.

And oh, the round girl inside the theater was hot.

A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS

I wasn’t able to attend the Komikon last month that was held in SM Mega Mall, which resulted in me not getting my complimentary copy of my friend Randy Valiente's Pinoy Komiks Rebyu where I wrote a little article. I also failed to buy some comics/books which I was intending to feature/review here in my blog.

We were planning to attend the said occasion but a series of unfortunate events derailed it.

I’ll probably just hunt those materials someplace else.

Much to my chagrin, a few more unfortunate events occurred, some of them had catastrophic effects that would be felt not just by me but by the whole nation.

Two weeks ago, my computer monitor broke down. When I turned it on that fateful morning, it emitted an ear-piercing sound like it was going to explode so I jumped out of the window. Luckily, it didn’t blow up. It was my emaciated wallet which blasted when I bought a replacement—a Samsung LCD.

A few days after that and it was our stereo/DVD player’s turn to collapse. We put out our reserve DVD player and after two days, it also bade us goodbye.

Someone told me that probably, a spirit that hated electronics was temporarily residing in our house.


Three weeks ago, ousted President Joseph Estrada declared his intention to run again as president. This convicted plunderer—his battery of expensive lawyers all failed to challenge the tons of incriminating evidence presented in court— thinks that he has a chance of winning the presidency again because he is dreaming that on election day, the majority of Filipino voters would all be high on drugs and would have hallucinations of him as a present day Messiah.

Lahat ng magnanakaw sa gobyerno, ipakukulong ko dahil doon talaga ang lugar nila, he allegedly promised in his speech that day, which makes you wonder why he’s out in the streets, making slurred speeches.



A few days after that sorry incident, another politician with delusions of grandeur, Chiz Escudero, made news by bolting out his political party and taking himself seriously as a presidentiable. This man, who speaks like he is always reciting the Panatang Makabayan, thinks that he has a vey big chance of winning because most Filipinos’ brains had been addled by eating too much instant noodles.



A month ago, one of the funniest Filipino humor blogs, Hay! Men! Ang Blog Ng Mga Tunay Na Lalake, a blog that guided its followers how to spot real men and those who belonged to BB. Gandanghari’s tribe in truly hilarious ways bade the blogosphere goodbye.



And last week, I bought in Las Veg—err, SM, tickets for the Pacquiao-Cotto megafight. I hope that it wouldn’t turn to be another unfortunate event and Pacquiao would beat the hell out of Cotto.

Sabi nga ni Nanay Dionisia, Segi, Mane, teresen mu ‘yang se Kutu!

ONDOY'S WRATH

For few days now, my sister had been trying to empty our closet and it really wasn’t hard to do since we really didn’t have many clothes (the last time I bought a new shirt was, ahmm, wait... Fidel V. Ramos was still president). My sister was looking for clothes to donate to Typhoon Ondoy’s victims.

They say it was a flood of biblical proportion, it’s just that Noah or his ark was missing. Our place in Manila wasn’t really affected—thank God— but that fateful Saturday, the cell phones in the house wouldn’t stop beeping and ringing. Some friends and relatives were asking for help because the flood was threatening to sweep them to kingdom come and since nobody in the house could fly, we weren't really of help.

“Every one who can afford to give must give,” my ever charitable sister said as she was taking a peek at my empty wallet. And I wholeheartedly agree with her. “Give” is the word these days and everyone should spread it. And it is heartening to know that a lot of Pinoys know that word.

This national debacle spawned many important and heart-tugging questions. Is the present government inept in confronting the crisis? Did Congressman Mikey Arroyo, the president’s son with the skyrocketing SALN really buy liquors at the height of Ondoy's onslaught? Did Richard Gutierrez really rescue Cristine Reyes or was it just a promotional gimmick for their movie? Did he really bypass some kids who needed help and his speedboat on his way to Cristine? Should we really blame Bayani Fernando for the destructive flood? Did Jacque Bermejo really say those hurtful things on Facebook?

Is there a message in what happened? Is it a punishment or a warning, a wake-up call?

Nobody knows, for sure.

But one thing has again been proven. Filipinos would always be resilient to any crisis. Watch TV and you’d see lots of them still smiling and waving while they’re submerged neck deep whenever a TV Camera is focused on them.

We're such a happy race.

SAVE YOURSELF; LEARN THIS SONG

I was up to my neck in work lately and I wasn’t planning to update this blog site when I stumbled upon this tragic news on the internet.

In that senseless tragedy, a man was killed because he didn’t know the Korean song “Nobody.” Witnesses said that one of the four suspects was singing “Nobody” (by Wonder Girls) when the victim approached him and asked naively, “Pare, ano ‘yang kinakanta mo?”

I asked a friend to tell me more about the news and he said that according to the newspaper he read, the suspects first thought that the victim was just joking but they were all aghast, one of them even trembled, when they realized that the victim didn’t really know the song.

What kind of a man is this? the suspects murmured to themselves. The suspects probably thought that since the victim didn’t know the song, he didn’t deserve to live.

My friend added that every Filipino who heard about the news was appalled, not with the brutal killing but the victim’s ignorance about the song.

Okay, my friend didn’t have the flair and the accuracy of Mike Enriquez when it comes to news reporting but this song really was extremely popular that just a few days ago, a senator made a privilege speech imploring his fellow senators to pass a law urging students (from kindergarten to those taking up doctorates) to sing this song after the flag ceremony. The four suspects were reportedly being asked to teach the students how to sing (and dance) the song properly.

It's high time we create a really useful law, the senator emotionally ended his speech.

And I agree with him.

I don't dance and yet, like the guy below, I know the moves to this song.

A CHARMING LITTLE FILM FOR KIDS

“Ponyo loves Sosuke!”

Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea is a 2008 Japanese animated film written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki (world-famous for his magnificent animations like Spirited Away, My Neighbour Totoro and Princess Mononoke) and is certainly one of the sweetest animated films you’ll ever see.

Ponyo is a fish who yearns to be human while Sosuke is a five year old boy who rescued her when she tried to swim ashore and got caught inside a jar. Ponyo licks the blood off Sosuke’s little wound and it helps her turn into a little girl. Unfortunately, her sorcerer father tracks her down and brings her back to the sea.

The scene where Ponyo is reunited with Sosuke is priceless. She jumps off a big fish, stares at him with wide, excited eyes, unmindful of everything around her including a raging storm, while he is stupefied, she runs to him, leaps towards him and embraces him tightly.

You’ll thank whoever invented cinema for that scene.

There are no villains in this film (actually, there are no villains in most of Miyazaki’s films), there are no people scheming against each other, hurting each other, no gluttonous government officials obsessed with expensive meals, no second-rate film director stealing an award he doesn’t deserve, no arrogant TV host who hates funerals , just a cute little fish/girl, a caring young boy and the sea.

Do your kids a favor, let them watch this beautiful film.

And oh, watch the Japanese (with subtitles, of course), not the English-dubbed version, for purity’s sake.

CARLO J. CAPARAS, THE NATIONAL ARTIST AWARD AND AN OVERPASS

Many months ago, I was having an animated conversation with a friend when our topic shifted to Carlo J. Caparas (who at that time was a recent recipient of an award; I forgot what award).

Let’s call my friend Totoy Buto (he’s quite thin) and this is how our historic conversation went:

Totoy: Na-meet mo ba si Carlo J no’ng nagsusulat ka pa sa komiks, pre?
Me: Hindi, hindi na yata siya nagsusulat no’n. Busy na siya sa movies.
Totoy: Pansin ko lang, parang panay ang tanggap niya ng award ngayon.
Me: A, oo, mula nang maupo si GMA, parang naging award magnet na siya.
Totoy: May ibig kang sabihin?
Me: Wala.
Totoy: Tingin mo ba, deserving siya sa mga awards niya?
Me: Hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam kung ano mga criteria do’n.
Totoy: Parang malakas siya ke GMA, ‘no?
Me: Mukha.
Totoy: Papasok siguro sa pulitika ‘yan, solid nga naman ang magiging credentials mo kung marami kang awards.
Me: Puwede.

Totoy: Sabagay, mga minor awards lang naman ‘yon. Magiging kasindak-sindak siguro kung mananalo siya bilang national artist.
Me: Hindi imposible ‘yan.
Totoy: Pare naman, si Carlo J, mananalong National Artist? Sa anong kategorya? Sa films?
Me: Malay mo?
Totoy: Napanood mo ba ‘yong mga pelikula niya?
Me: ‘Yong iba.
Totoy: Ano tingin mo?
Me: Alang kuwenta.
Totoy: That’s actually my point, bro.
(I glance at Totoy, somehow stunned with his English)
Totoy: Hindi siya mananalo ng National Artist award dahil sa mga pelikula niya.
Me: Sa komiks.
Totoy: Pare naman, wala namang National Artist for Comics.
Me: Gagawa ‘yong gobyerno.
(Totoy Buto snickers)
Me: Ang punto ko, e, wala namang imposible sa gobyernong ito.
Totoy: Kungsabagay (falls into deep thoughts) pero iba ‘yong national artist, pre, bigyan naman nila ng respeto ‘yong award. May delicadeza naman siguro sila kahit kaunti. Hindi magiging national artist 'yang si Carlo J. Puwera na lang kung bigla siyang gagawa ng mga de-kalidad na pelikula, ‘yong bang parang Godfather.
Me: Ano gagawin mo ‘pag nanalo siyang national artist?
Totoy: Tatalon ako mula sa isang overpass at bago ako tumalon, sisiguruhin ko muna na may parating na dalawang humahagibis na ten wheeler.

Few days ago, it was announced that Carlo J. Caparas was named National Artist for Visual Arts and Film. He couldn’t possibly have clinched the award for his comics works (most of it were very good, actually) since he didn’t illustrate those novels so it was probably safe to say that he got the award for his films.

And it truly boggles the mind.

His films aren’t the type you can call great. Okay, I’ll be succinct, his movies are mostly garbage. Most of his films unfailingly induce severe headache. I challenge you to watch and finish The Lilian Velez Story (Till Death Do Us Part) or The Lipa Arandia Massacre(Lord Deliver Us From Evil) or The Maggie Dela Riva Story (God…Why Me?) or The Vizconde Massacre Story(God Help Us!) or The Cecilia Masagca Story: Antipolo Massacre(Jesus Saves Us!)—notice how God was a requisite in most of his subtitles? The Bible teaches us not to use God’s name in vain and all these films were in vain—and see if, afterwards, you won’t cry for a dozen paracetamols.

His films didn’t contribute in the development of Filipino films, what it did attempt was to make it stagnate. And this government is rewarding him with a National Artist award for that. And hey, don’t forget that he also made a laughable film about the life of my favorite hero, Gregorio Del Pilar.

Totoy is still in the proccess of choosing his overpass.

Lord Jesus Christ, save him.