Monday, May 26, 2008

THE SONG TO LISTEN TO WHILE YOU'RE DYING



Since I’ve tackled death (death of Rep. Crispin Beltran, the incoming death of the local movie industry because of Mark Lapid’s epic, Apoy Sa Dibdib ng Samar and the possible death of the senate as an institution if we keep electing the likes of Lito Lapid as senators) in my previous post, I might as well feature a song here about death: a song entitled The Great Gig In The Sky. (You can find and play this song at the upper-right corner of this page.)

The Great Gig In The Sky (the fifth track from the enigmatic Dark Side of the Moon album by Pink Floyd), is a truly glorious and exhilaratingly beautiful song about death. It has no lyrics, just a woman wailing beautifully and heavenly. Listening to this song is like listening to an angel singing mournfully. An angel grieving over and finally accepting the death of someone. As one music writer said about the song, 'it’s amazing how its singer perfectly captures death in this song. All the emotions of death: fear, sadness, excitement, acceptance, nostalgia, and in the end a slow decrescendo into nothingness.'

Like what morbid fans of this song are saying, this is the best song to listen to while you are dying and the best song to accompany your soul while it is on its way to heaven or, well, hell.

The following are the spoken words within the song:

"And I am not frightened of dying, any time will do, I
don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime."

"If you can hear this whispering, you are dying."

Thursday, May 22, 2008

A POOR CONGRESSMAN


The nation was shocked when it learned that Rep. Crispin Beltran, a prominent labor leader, had died in a freak accident. He fell from the roof of his modest and unfinished bungalow. Another thing that stunned the country was the fact that Ka Bel, as he was fondly called by his colleagues, died a poor man.

A copy of his statements of assets, liabilities and net worth showed that his net worth amounted only to twenty two thousand pesos, thus making him the poorest congressman. Las Pinas Representative Cynthia Villar's the richest, with net worth of more than one billion pesos. Yes, Virginia, in this country where many people are dying of hunger, where a lot of families live under bridges that are about to collapse, where people have to fall in line just so they could buy a kilo of rice, a billionaire citizen exists.

In this nation where the term poor congressman is a first class oxymoron, it is truly astounding to know that a congressman ( a three-termer at that) is poor and, well, not rich. And in a country populated by rapacious and thoroughly corrupt politicians who are not ashamed to affix the word honorable to their names, Congressman Beltran died a modern hero


In a related tearjerker of an event, Senator Lito Lapid, whom a lot of reporters covering the senate thought was mute because he wouldn't comment on any issue engulfing the country, finally broke his silence and expressed shock and grief over Rep. Beltran's sudden death in a press statement.

Senator Lito Lapid, probably unknown to many, was the brain behind the greatest bill filed in the senate: a bill prohibiting the use of staple wire in food packaging. The bill was widely applauded and praised by other lawmakers. A landmark bill, some of them declared. Kaya sa sandaling makakita kayo ng pakete ng pagkain na may staple wire pa rin, pakidala lang po ito sa opisina ni Senator Lapid at lulunukin po ng intelehenteng staff at consultants ng senador ang nasabing staple wire.



Incidentally, the good senator's son, former Governor Mark Lapid, as if to cement the family's cerebral reputation, delivered (in the film Apoy Sa Dibdib Ng Samar) what is widely considered the greatest line in Philippine cinema: "Oo, inaamin ko, saging lang kami! Pero maghanap ka ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso! Saging lang ang may puso!"

It was rumored that Irish actor Daniel Day-Lewis wanted that stunning line translated in English so he could use it in his next movie. Senator Lapid reportedly offered this translation: "Yes, I am admit, we're just banana trees. But look around all over the archipelago, only the banana trees have hearts! Only the banana trees indeed! Mango trees and guava trees doesn't have heart! And also the lemon tree!"

Sunday, May 18, 2008

CLOVERFIELD: A DIZZYING AND DAZZLING MOVIE


Last night, I watched the DVD of Cloverfield, a movie about an unknown giant monster (about the size of Godzilla) attacking and destroying New York City. The movie garnered mixed reviews with many critics hailing it as one of the greatest monster movies of all time while others pooh-poohed it by declaring that it's ordinary, plotless and with underdeveloped characters.


My take on the movie? It's a great movie, very exciting (it's a lot better, I think, than Godzilla and King Kong despite having a smaller budget) and has great speciall effects. The only downside is that it was filmed using a friggin shaky hand-held camera. Don't watch it, I repeat, don't watch if you're severely prone to motion sickness. If you're prone to seasickness and you still want to watch it, my advise is to take Bonamine or Dramamine first.


Fans of this movie are saying that the hand-held cam technique (think Blair Witch Project movie) helped the movie a lot because it makes the viewers feel that they're part of what's happening on the screen. Ang problema nga lang ay mahihilo ka. My niece vomited after watching the movie. Ako nga lang, pakiramdam ko hanggang ngayon ay may jet lag pa ako gayong hindi naman lumilipad iyong sofa na inupuan ko habang nanonood. But this is higly recommended if you're severely prone to vertigo and you miss being strapped on a high-speed, out-of-control rollercoaster.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

ANOTHER PINOY IN OPRAH!


After Charice Pempengco (Oprah, Ellen Degeneres Show), Madonna Decena (Britain's Got Talent), Renaldo Lapuz (American Idol), another Pinoy made the country proud by being featured on Oprah show and stunning its audience and making Oprah Winfrey cry a bucket of tears.


"I said ghost, you madapacker..!"

Here's allegedly what happened:

A survey was conducted among Oprah Winfrey’s live audience. Since the subject that day was about ghosts, she started asking her audience these survey questions:

Oprah: How many of you have seen a ghost? Please stand up!

Amazingly, about 20 people stood up.

Oprah: Wow , isn't that really phenomenal? And now for the next question- For you guys standing up - how many of you have actually spoke to a ghost?

About five stayed standing up.

Oprah: (At this point, really getting tremendously excited!) Wow, imagine that? These people actually spoke to a ghost. And now for the last question, how many of you five guys have actually made love to a ghost?

Four guys sat down except one, at the last row of seats. The crowd exploded.

Oprah: May we call the gentleman to come to the stage please! At this the cameras focused on an aging old man and guess what, he's a Filipino.

Oprah: Wow, that was unbelievable. Sir, may we know who you are?

Top Gun: My name is Topacio Mamaril - my friends call me ' Top Gun' for short.

Oprah: What do you do and where are you from?

Top Gun: I am a retired Navy man from Laoag, Ilocos Norte, Philippines and presently living in Napa Valley, California and am a farmer by trade.

Oprah: Interesting! So, you really made love to a ghost?

Top Gun: Huh???. ..(adjusting his hearing aid) What ghost? I thought you said GOATS!


One of the victims' photo.


Pahabol na ghost joke:

Junior: Tay…totoo po ba ang multo?
Tatay: Nakow, anak, hindi totoo ang multo. Sino naman nagsabi sa 'yo?
Junior: Si yaya. Gabi-gabi, kinukuwentuhan niya 'ko ng ghost stories.
Tatay: Anak… a-anak...
......
.....
....
....
..
.

WALA KANG YAYA!



"Tsk, babaw talaga ng kaligayahan nito. Ang kukurne naman ng jokes!"

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

PINOY THRILLER



Ano ang nasa dako pa roon?
Bunga ng malikot na pag-iisip, likha ng balintataw
O halaw sa isang daigdig ng kababalaghan
Di kayang maipaliwanag ngunit alam mong magaganap…


Marami pa siguro ang nakakatanda sa pamosong mga linya na ito. Galing ito sa isang tanyag na katatakutang programa na may pamagat na Pinoy Thriller na ipinalabas noong Dekada 80. Kakaunti na lang siguro ang nakakaalala sa mga episode nito pero sigurado ako na marami pa rin ang nakakaalala sa musikang ginamit bilang soundtrack ng horror show na ito. Marami ang nagsasabi na ang musikang ito ang dahilan kaya lumabas na nakakatakot talaga ang nasabing programa. This show spawned another horror show, Regal Shockers. But Pinoy Thriller, with its well-written and well-presented stories about asuwang, witches, kapre proved to be more horrifying. It’s certainly one of the best horror shows that came out on TV.
Pink Floyd ang may likha ng ‘nakapangingilabot’ na musikang ginamit ng Pinoy Thriller at ang titulo niyon ay “Several Species Of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict.” Mula sa album na may pamagat na “Ummagumma,” ang kantang ito ang isa na siguro sa pinaka-weird na kantang nilikha ng Pink Floyd bagama’t marami talagang kakatwang kantang nilikha ang pamosong bandang ito. Wala ni isang instrumentong ginamit dito, boses lang at mga kamay na itinatapik sa mesa at kung saan-saan na ginamitan ng tape loops at special effects.

Ang kantang ito ay inyong mapapakinggan sa blogsite na ito, sa kanang bahagi, sa bandang itaas ng pahinang ito. Walang mensahe sa kantang ito, nagkakatuwaan lang daw at nag-e-eksperimento ang nasabing banda ng likhain ito.

Sa bandang hulihan ng kanta ay may tila isang Scottish na nagtatalumpati (na sa aktuwalidad ay si Roger Waters, Pink Floyd bassist at nagsulat ng kanta) at naririto ang mga salita sa kanyang litanya:

Aye an' a bit of mackeral, settler rack and down
Ran it down by the home, and I flew
Well, it slapped me and I flopped it down in the shade
And I cried, cried, cried
The tear had fallen down he had taken, never back to raise
And then cried Mary, an' took out wi' your Claymore
Right outta a' pocket, i ran down, down by the mountain side
Battlin' the fiery horde that was falling around the feet
"Never!," he cried. "Never shall ye get me alive
Ye rotten hound of the burnie crew!
"Well I snatched fer the blade an' a Claymore cut and thrust
And I fell down before him round his feet
Aye! A roar he cried!
Frae the bottom of 'is heart
That I would nay fall but as dead
Dead as I can by y' feet, d'ya ken?
… And the wind cried Mary.


Monday, May 5, 2008

Bro, Kadidurs 'Yang Keyboard mo! It's yucky to the max, as in!

Kadidurs means kadiri. It's a word I picked up from my niece and her Friendster-wielding and YM-obsessed classmates. Do you know that your keyboard can give you several illnesses and that it can be dirtier than a public toilet which has been left uncleaned and unflushed for the last five years? You don't believe it? Then read the article in today's issue of Philippine Daily Inquirer or go to this link.
Take a close look at your keyboard. Kapag may nakita kang mumunting uod na gumagapang-gapang dito, oras na para linisin mo ito. Kapag linta ang nakita mo, panahon na para bumili ka ng bago.
"A, inday, nilinis mo na ba 'yong keyboard ng computer ko?"
"Nililinis ko na po, kuya. Ibinabad ko po siya sa Zonrox, sayang, wala na po tayong Downy."

Sunday, May 4, 2008

TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE A FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT!


“Alam mo, tito, ikaw na lang sa mga kakilala ko ang walang friendster,” my precocious ten year old niece told me many months ago while she was in front of her PC redesigning and redecorating her Friendster account whilst at the same time chatting with her friends. “Igagawa na kita, gusto mo?”
She told me I could find old friends and acquaintances through Friendster. But then, she later informed me, I could also do that without a Friendster account. So one day, while in front of my computer, I accessed the homepage of Friendster (which incidentally is the most visited website in the Philippines today and the 12th busiest website in the world; 60 million members and counting) and started typing names of old friends and acquaintances.

I did find a few old friends but most of them were private profiles (meaning you should be on their list of their Frienster friends to be able to view their profile. I even saw an account of an old friend which primary photo was the photo she gave me. I don’t know, I felt offended and dismayed when I saw it because when she handed me that photo, I was made to believe that it would be exclusively my property. Paano ko pa ngayon maibebenta sa eBay ‘yong litrato na ‘yon, e, nakita na ng buong mundo? Oh, well.

My niece suggested that I create an account (it didn’t have to be an elaborate one, my niece said) so I could send them messages. A good idea but ever the procrastinator that I am, I have yet to create an account until now. But is having a Friendster account now a necessity in your life? I sought the advice of one of my gifted friends who has five Friendster accounts (three of them are Fakesters, meaning they have fake boastful profiles) and he sent me the following list through email:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE A FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT:

10. Maria Ozawa has a Friendster account. Imagine, Maria adding you as a friend and getting a message from her and updating you on her career. You can send her a message and tell her how you love her latest film and that you’re wondering why she’s yet to be nominated in Oscars when everyone knows she’s a far better actress than Lindsay Lohan.
9. You can show off and tell the world how great you are and how fat your bank accounts are and that you’re driving a Ferrari.

8. You can lie about your personality and appearance and easily get away with it. You can tell everyone that you’re a goodlooking twenty five year old alpha male when in fact you’re a sixty two year old DOM afflicted with emphysema.

7. It can be a good stress-reliever. You can pour your angsts here. Put a picture of an angry Hitler as your primary photo and tell the world how you wish he was your father and that your most ardent dream is to create another holocaust.
6. You can have all kinds of friends in an instant. Psychos, loonies, whores, genuises, kind-hearted, con artists, etc.

5. You can find a girlfriend/boyfriend here. My friend already did. It’s just a little sad that she’s anorexic and has a severe hearing defect. “Pero malambing siya, she’s very sweet,” my friend told me. “Kaya lang, kailangan, may hawak lagi akong megaphone ‘pag kausap ko siya.”
4. You can show the world how crazy you are and the potential of you landing a gig in a mental institution or becoming a serial killer is huge.

3. If you’re jobless, ‘di ka mabuburyong because Friendster can keep you busy. Add friends everyday, upload photos every now and then, add gadgets, change the songs in your playlist. When somebody asks you why you’re jobless, you can tell them that you’re so busy with Friendster that you don’t have time to look for a work.

2. Bill Gates has around twenty Friendster accounts. Okay, all these are probably fake. But what if one of these accounts is really his? You can send him a message and ask for a loan, he’s a philantropist, they say. Or you can tell him about your business proposal or you can castigate him and tell him that you find it sick that he has these oodles and oodles of money when all over the world, lots of people are dying of hunger.

And the number one reason why you should create an account in Friendster, according to my friend, is:

1. God and Jesus Christ have numerous Friendster accounts. Sending them a message through their friendster account is much better than praying, my friend said. “I think they check their friendster regularly,” said my friend. “Whenever I would check their profiles, I would always see that their last log-in was within twenty-four hours.”

I immediately sent a reply to my friend and told him that he’s crazy and that his soul has a great chance of rotting in hell if he’d not delete all his fake Friendster accounts and if he’d not stop telling everybody that he had been receiving messages from God through his Friendster. “For Christ’s sake, you’re not a visionary! You can’t perform a miracle and heal your girlfriend’s hearing defect. Bring him to an EENT doctor. And ask her to eat more. Kids think she’s a kite, ” I told him.



"Ba't ayaw mo 'kong i-add?"