The Arduous Task of Naming a Baby (And Some of the Weirdest Filipino Names)

        My sister is currently pregnant with her third child. And you know what’s the most laborious task during pregnancy? No, not the pregnancy itself. Or the delivery—but the naming of the baby. Tee-hee.This is the reason, I think, why some kids are just named after their parents. 

        My sister’s four year old daughter already has suggestions: Maya if the baby’s a girl and Julian if it’s a boy. When asked, my niece (who speaks a lot better English than me) said, “Well, I got it from the cartoons I was watching.”

        My sister wanted to know If I had names in mind.

        Nonchalantly, I said the first two names that cropped up in my mind.  “David if it’s a boy and Josephine if it’s a girl.”

        “Why Josephine?” she asked.

        “Why not?”

         Josephine’s one of my favorite female names.

         Napoleon Bonaparte’s greatest love was a woman named Josephine. Jose Rizal was once married to a lady named Josephine.  Tori Amos had a song named Josephine (which, of course, was about Napoleon's inamorata). I’ve met a few Josephines and they were all nice. Two of them became my good friends and both were great persons.  Kind, humble, God-fearing human beings, these two didn’t have a single mean bone in their body and wouldn’t harm or hurt anyone in any way.

        Maybe, every girl named Josephine would grow up fine. Maybe, because the name’s biblical, the female equivalent of Joseph.

         But my sister still doesn't dig Josephine. “It’s kind of old school for me,” she said.

         She has a point, though. One Josephine I know is already 85 years old. “But what if you put hashtag in the name? #josephine isn’t old school anymore,” I suggested.

         “Meh,” frowned my sister.

         Meanwhile, here are some of the weirdest names given by Filipino parents to their children:

1. Merry Christmas

2. Valentine's Day

3. Halloween Marie

4. Abcdef

5. Nuclear Bomb

6. Knives Acid Rain

7. Cheese Pimiento

8. Spaghetti 88

9. Sincerely Yours

10. Son of God

These (Filipino) names are real.  One of them is probably your Facebook friend. Their parents are either way too cool or way too eccentric. It’ll be interesting to know these kids' nicknames.  Merry Christmas’ nickname is probably Xmas.  Valentine's Day is probably called Heart by his/her friends and Son of God? he’s most likely Jesus to his buddies.

And here’s a classic joke about names:

ANACLETA: Attorney, I want to change my horrible name. Can you help me?

ATTORNEY: Yes. What’s your name?

ANACLETA: Anacleta Bagong-Gahasa.

ATTORNEY: Eww! That’s horrible indeed.  Do you have a new name in mind?

ANACLETA: Yes.

ATTORNEY: What is it?

ANACLETA: Angelina Bagong-Gahasa!