The Race To A Liver Disease (Or Why Beer Is The Perfect Companion)

To alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all of life’s problems.

                                                                              -- Homer Simpson

       Funny, but Leaving Las Vegas (the 1995 depressing movie that earned Nicolas Cage an Oscar) suddenly came into mind when I was about to open our refrigerator to pick up a beer. In that movie, Cage’s character was an alcoholic and a miserable writer who went to Las Vegas and drank himself to death.

       And as if on cue, I also suddenly remembered all my friends and relatives who died from alcohol-related illnesses. I remembered watching them drink their liquors in a hurry as if they were in a race and the grand prize was a liver disease.

       Maybe, I was subconsciously reminding myself the dangers of drinking alcohol—I had been drinking myself to sleep for the last few nights (one or two beers or a few shots of whiskey, just enough to help me lull myself to sleep; hot milk was really of no help).  Alcohol kills, of course, and with that in mind, I put out two beers from the ref instead of just one— I needed to sleep quickly so I wouldn’t have time to ponder about the dangers of imbibing alcohol, on why my friends and relatives willingly drowned themselves with alcohol and embraced an early death and how Cage’s career took a stumble and never recovered.

       But whatever detrimental things they say about beer (and any other alcoholic drinks, for that matter), a lot of people will always consider them a superb companion. Why, you’d ask. Well, Beer is a good listener, it never interrupts and it never argues. When you tell Beer that most (if not all) religions are phony, it won’t raise hell and go ballistic towards you and threaten you with fire and brimstone and eternal damnation.

       When you tell Beer that the candidates running for Philippine president this year are all good-for-nothing (especially the dark little one) and just represent different facets of evil, Beer won’t debate you and will just quietly agree. Beer has no political bias.

        Yes, Beer can’t give good advice, but it’s also not one to criticize or blame you for your bad decisions and mistakes. Beer won’t judge you, or belittle you, it’ll just sit there sympathetically right beside you, silently lending you support, calming your nerves, making you temporarily forget, listening to you sing Red, Red Wine, letting you savor its golden taste, making you feel a little better, and slowly lulling you to sleep.

       But the unfortunate thing about Beer, it will never tell you to drink moderately, it will make sure you crave for more.

       Creepy little f—cker!